Insomniac?

Originally Published January 15th 2018

So, I can’t sleep. This is becoming more and more common. It’s not exactly that I am incapable of sleep because I know that if I were to turn off the lights, lay my head down on my pillow, and close my eyes I would be asleep within a few minutes. Once I decide to sleep, it’s not an issue.

Therefore, my problem is not that I am unable to fall asleep rather it is that my mind refuses to do so. It’s a choice, but it doesn’t feel like it. In a way, it’s passive. I’m not fighting sleep. I feel tired, some days that this happens I feel downright exhausted, but I don’t feel sleepy. Sleep doesn’t feel like an option. Some days, this is because I get bursts of creativity and energy or I have something on my mind that won’t go away. Other days, like today, I have a goal.

Today it was staying awake until my mom left for work so I could say goodbye, as I’m leaving home for my last semester at University later in the morning. Some days, the goal is to finish a homework assignment or cram for an exam. On very sparse occasions I toss and turn for an hour or two before either succumbing to sleep or getting up and occupying my mind on a task to get away from the thoughts that riddle my mind.

But, like I said, that is rare for me. More often than not I simply don’t see the point in sleeping. I know it’s a human necessity and “it’s good for you!” and whatnot, but logically (in a very illogical way) it seems trivial. It boils down to: “why be asleep when I could be awake?”.

• You know, I used to have a pillow case with these weird, colorful, bunny-like creatures jumping around having a pillow fight. The words “we’d rather be leaping than sleeping” were slathered in bright hues all over it. I never thought much of it as a kid. I’d just lay my head down and contradict its very being.

Obviously now as an adult, I understand the benefits and broad reasoning supporting an adequate amount of sleep per night. But sometimes, moreso on days devoid of personal enjoyment such as those filled with appointments, school, work, and even social responsibilities, sleep comes second place to a few hours of alone time.

Moral of this ramble? Twofold: make time in the day for yourself so you won’t feel inclined to cash in on it in the middle of the night and if you do find yourself awake despite your best efforts, make sure to be productive with your stolen time. Write a blog post… Or whatever it is you are into.