In lieu of August 13th’s Weekly Blog…
I won’t deny that part of the reason I haven’t been motivated to write is due to my own laziness, but there is another reason. I often struggle with how much detail to write. I know this is my blog and I’m allowed to have my opinion on my life, yet… some things seem invasive. I know everyone has pseudo names, yet… They know who they are. And if they wanted to they could read what I write about them. I’m not saying I want to speak ill of them; I’m saying I don’t know how much is too much information to share. I don’t know what each individual’s limit is. Even with the pseudo names…
But here it is. It’s my blog. My feelings. My thoughts. I’m not trying to make anyone look bad or anything like that. I’m hoping to express myself and put something out there that is real. My life isn’t all sunshine and rainbows, so I’m not going to write like it is and gloss over all the less than pleasant.
Background, feel free to skip
Sure, I miss my family, and we’ve gotten so much work and assignments pending that I feel like I’m drowning. (<– Reference of a song by Two Feet by the same name), but that’s not what’s been affecting me as much. Recently two of my roommates got into a screaming match. Background: I’m doing a dietetic internship in Puerto Rico. I live with three other Americans who are also in the internship. Their (pseudo) names are Robin, Axyl, and Karen. Also, in our apartment complex are two other interns: Gia and Uuie.
We are currently in orientations for the internship, which means that all (ten total) interns go to the same place from 8am to 4pm every Monday through Friday since the first of August. Plus, you know, four of us also live together. That’s a long time to spend with the same people. Also, people are…unique. It is our nature that we won’t get along. But enough of my philosophical musings. Here are the facts:
The Screaming Match
One day, I had to go with Karen after the internship to find out about health insurance or something, so we left for our apartment to get some papers as soon as we were dismissed that day. This meant Robin and Axyl were just getting home ten or fifteen minutes after we did. I’m sitting on the couch for a second before grabbing our papers and heading to the insurance building when Robin walks in with an odd, concerned look on his face. I’m about to ask him if he’s okay, when I hear Axyl bellow, “Ms. Karen, we need to talk!”.
He sounded serious. And while, I know they haven’t been on the best of terms for the past few days (or weeks at this point?), I did not anticipate what happened next. Karen, casually, and with an overly peppy voice, replied, “yeah?”. Axyl tells her to come out of her room to the living room. Where I am sitting on the couch, mind you! He then proceeds to yell at Karen for a comment she made to another intern about his Spanish speaking abilities. While she begins attempting to explain her side of the story, Axyl just gets angrier and screams louder about how disrespectful it is to talk about people behind their back and (as it tends to happen) things get personal. Axyl begins to scream how Karen has no right to feel bad about anyone’s Spanish speaking abilities since her Spanish is even worse than his.
Sooo I Ran Away
At this point I’ve had enough. I can tell you that I didn’t think this would escalate further (which I really didn’t since I’d never experienced something like this), but the truth is I was simply afraid. I didn’t want to be in the middle of this. People were yelling. (Karen, at this point was trying to talk over Axyl to put her two cents in.) I don’t like yelling. I can’t deal with it. I don’t like to deal with it. So I fled. I fled. Cowardly, I fled.
I tried to gather my papers in my room while the screaming escalated in the living room. It’s almost painful to hear someone yell with so much emotion in their voice. Axyl was hurt. It was obvious. But he was also yelling. Eventually things got to: Axyl: “you aren’t getting the last word!” pause. Karen: “Fuck you.” And some more assorted yelling. Eventually I heard Robin return from his room (which he had retreated to upon entering the apartment) and tell the two to separate. I admire him for that. I’ve said this before, but Robin’s good in an emergency.
So, both Karen and Axyl went inside their rooms. Thing is, I share a room with Axyl. He comes in wanting to talk about what just happened. I’m low key scared of him. (He didn’t strike me as the type to yell like he just had so, I was on edge). Luckily, Karen and I were going to be late to go to the insurance building. Karen asked me if I was ready, so we skedaddled! But, of course, Karen also wanted to talk about what had just happened.
I let her talk and gave my input as I saw fit. I’m sure it seemed like I was taking Axyl’s “side”. When Axyl talked about Karen after this incident he’s accused me of defending Karen. No, I’m not on anyone’s side! I just try for people to see the other point of view. I told Karen, there may be more going on. A person does not just explode like that. I wasn’t making excuses for his behavior; I was encouraging her to talk to him. I told Axyl that it didn’t seem like Karen had attempted to hurt him with her comment. I told him, we all talk about other people at some time or another and we all perceive things differently. Another push for communication.
Fractured Life Now
To no avail. They are not talking. And, Karen is pulling away. She’s spending more time out of the apartment. Gia is upset that Axyl told (yelled at) Karen because she told him the comment Karen had told her. Axyl has declared Gia a sworn enemy. I can’t be nice to or even wait for Karen or Gia to go to the train without hearing about it from Axyl. To be honest, I don’t click with Karen. Or maybe I do, but I don’t have a desire to hang out with her. There’s no friendship spark there. I haven’t hung out with Gia in weeks, though it seems she and Karen are spending a lot of time together.
It really is like third grade all over again. My friend (Gia) found a new friend (Karen) plus all of the other drama. But, like I concluded in third grade, that’s okay. If my friend finds someone else she’d rather hang out with (a better friend even) that’s good. She deserves the best, even if that isn’t me. Now, I’m not saying it’s that drastic. Gia and I still get along, we just aren’t spending as much time together.
I Will Be Nice to Whomever I Want To
As far as the Axyl Karen thing… I don’t know. I’m tired of hearing smack talk. I’m tired of feeling the negative energy in our apartment. But it’s not my problem to fix. If they don’t want to ever talk to each other again, that’s on them. Yeah, it affects me, but I can’t force people to get along. All I can do, is keep being me. Just like I waited on Karen and Gia at the tailor’s yesterday while Robin and Axyl walked to the train station without us, I’ll keep being polite like my parents taught me. I’ll keep talking to everyone when I want to. I will not let someone else’s life and relationships affect mine more than necessary.
P.S. Guess who turned out to be my Internship Partner for the next 10 months? The person I will be going to rotations with Monday to Friday for the next 40+ weeks? The person I will be presenting case studies and working on assignments with from week to week? Gia! …This should be interesting. But you’ll hear more about all of our interesting adventures throughout the following months. 🙂 As of right now, I’m happy with the partner I got appointed.