Week of October 8th 2018- WIC Rotation (I Don’t Want to Step Into Another WIC Office Ever Again in my Life)

Monday, October 8th- Avoiding People During the Three Day Weekend

It was a three day weekend. Why? Who knows? It’s Puerto Rico. I’m just going with it. It’s good though. I got to laze around Friday afternoon, Saturday, and Sunday. Usually I pull myself together just enough to do my laundry on Sunday and get ready for the next day. I didn’t have to do that this weekend, but on Sunday I did have to finally crawl out of my cave of a room (my roommate was gone for the weekend, so it was glorious). Some other interns wanted to meet up to talk about rotations we’d been to and for general advice. I’d already promised I’d go, so I wrestled on some jeans and a bra and marched over to the little grocery store eating area where this meeting took place.

Really, I’d been essentially in hiding since Friday afternoon. I would sleep early (10 pm-ish) and get up early (7 am-ish), solely to avoid people. …Having my own room would be a disaster. Anyway, my roommate, Axyl, finally came back today, so no more hiding. Today, I did laundry, cleaned my side of the room, and worked on an assignment. Oh, and I brushed my hair. That was nice. Tomorrow begins our individual rotations at WIC. Mine is out in Santurce (the next town over, you could say). Bright and early at 7am. ~Yay.~

Tuesday, October 9th- I was told we’d talk about assignments today, then got berated for not having said assignments done before today. What?!

First day at WIC. I arrive for the preceptor (dietitian supervising me) to berate me for not working on the assignments sooner when she herself had not mentioned them and when I asked her the week before (Friday, I believe) she told me I did not have to complete anything by Tuesday and that we’d talk about that then. UGH.  She could have said, I have no more information for you, have at it, and I would have finished it by the time I arrived today. UGH.

So, I spent the day freezing in the exaggerated A/C and working on assignments. I saw her interview a patient and that was my day. Better than Wednesday where I spent it looking up options if I were to quit this internship. I found a variety of universities with pretty much open admissions to Master’s programs. So, maybe it wasn’t entirely counterproductive….

Wednesday, October 10th- No Motivation, Just Sleep

I went home as usual from the WIC office. A bus ride and train ride. Approximately an hour trip. And I watched You Tube for a bit, until I got sleepy. I decided to take a nap before working on my assignments. My roommate came into our room, made a comment about me being lazy. I decided to prove him right, and slept. 8pm-ish, I slept until the next morning. I didn’t see the point in being awake.

Also, I did not work on my clinical case study or grant both due next friday, or on my clinical binder due this friday, or even on the WIC assignments also due this Friday. Those assignments were: a 15 minute long presentation, a case study, a short article, a facebook post, and a bulletin board. None of it. I worked on none of it. I slept.

Thursday, October 11th- Why can’t people talk right?! Be straightforward!

Dietitian preceptor tells me to focus on the case study, that I have to have that done by today, when I had asked her on Tuesday when I had to turn all of the assignments in and she’d said on Friday. Liar? or Spazzy? I don’t know. She also told me I’d be observing a class led by another WIC dietitian at 9:30am. But! At 9am, she tells me in a failed nonchalant way that well, I was supposed to give the class, but since my powerpoint isn’t finished…

Hold up! She had NOT told me my powerpoint was due today! To make things worse, she’d told me to focus on the case study! But double wait!! I did have my powerpoint done!! Well… a rough version, but I wasn’t going to tell her that. I said, “Oh, but I am finished with my powerpoint.” Real nicely… So, she gives me 15 minutes to set up in the conference room, and now I’m supposed to present my presentation to the WIC participants. That’s crazy! But I did it, and she criticized my powerpoint for having too many words on it. UGH.

Friday, October 12th- Got an 83% on my Evaluation for WIC. Failing in my Internship Program is 79%.

Welp. Since I did not get to finish my case study, hadn’t done my clinical binder, or any of the other WIC assignments (the article, Facebook post, or bulletin board) I did them this morning. And I mean this morning. I started 9pm on Thursday and worked straight until 6:30am when I took an Uber to the WIC office. I kept working at the site. I finished everything but the bulletin board by the time I was in the office. So, I focused on that. (Picture featured above)

Yeah, there were a couple grammar errors. Yeah, the dietitian nit picked me on stuff that was directly from the Academy of Nutrition and Dietetics (the most official and correct source as far as nutrition goes) then dropped it when I told her where I got the information from. That’s ignorance! Why is it wrong when I say it, but okay when it has the official Academy seal?! It’s the same information!

Anyway, she evaluated me and told me my bulletin board was my best assignment and that it’s understandable since I have a problem with the language. URHROIHSFUSA!!! WHAT?! Excuse me?! They were grammar errors due to a time crunch. Don’t push your judgemental view of foreigners on me! That made me angry. As one of my strengths she did state the fact that I am in control of my emotions and that she could never tell if I was upset. GOOD. Because I was. Constantly!

She also said I lack leadership and confidence because I have a quiet voice and refer to the computer questions a lot during patient evaluations. DUH! I don’t work for WIC!! I don’t know the questions! And so what if I have a quiet voice!! UGHGHHGHGH. That also made me angry.. More strengths she stated is that I was very cooperative and took criticism well. Ugh. I went home and caught up on sleep. 8pm to 12pm on Saturday, I slept.

Saturday, October 13th- Karen. Stop Reading my Blog.

Karen, a fellow intern, whom I told not to read my blog, does read my blog. Sorry I can’t tell you guys about my weekend. If she had respected my wish for her not to read this, I would feel open to sharing. But, I don’t. K, you’ve broken my trust (again), but I won’t sink to your level. You will remain anonymous here. But I’ll never believe you if you say you don’t read this. If you want to know what I say or write about you behind your back, ask me. Because it’s the same things I say to your face. The only thing I haven’t had the heart to tell you to your face is how your terrible spanish grammar makes me cringe. That’s it! Everything else, you know. So stop snooping around and get your own life.

Sunday, October 14th- Another Day I won’t Divulge because Karen Reads my Blogs

It was a beautiful weekend and I found hope about staying here. How? I won’t say. Why? Karen. K, butt out of my life. I don’t want you in it.

So what if I’m on my Period? Yeah, I said the P word!

Nausea, abdominal pain, dizziness. Concerning right? Until I tell you it’s due to my period. Which I wouldn’t. Because it’s not professional to talk about such things. So what? I have to do my work as if I’m not a second away from puking all over it?

On my last day of clinical rotations a week before writing this, I got my period. I was gulping down tons of warm saliva, nauseous, and seconds from vomiting. I felt the world shift as I viewed patient files; I rocked back and forth quietly groaning as my uterus shed its lining and I did this all in (literally) bloody tights. (My dietetic internship hospital uniform requires a skirt and skin colored tights.) Oh, and on an empty stomach, since I was so nauseous that I couldn’t get down more than a spoonful of soup and a couple swallows of water.

Even though there’s an explanation for symptoms like nausea and abdominal pain when it’s due to a woman’s period, those symptoms are concerning and important to be addressed! YET! Women are expected to do the same good job she usually does when she’s not in pain and bleeding as when she is. AND, she is not to mention these extra obstacles. Because it’s not professional. It’s too personal. Unwanted information.

But I wanted to mention it this day. I’d had a situation before when I’d told a boss I was on my period (I asked to go home early before I felt obliged to puke on a customer) and she looked horrified I’d brought up such a hush hush topic. So, this day I simply told the preceptor (the dietitian that was supervising and evaluating my work at the hospital) that I had been nauseous and dizzy all day. I told her the nausea was normal. Then she asked if I’d been to a doctor yet. When I said I hadn’t, she suggested my dizziness could be due to the stress of being in this dietetic internship.

(Sarcasm)~Isn’t it great that ailments can be from physical or mental origins? Isn’t that fantastic?! Even better is the fact that society judges mental ailments.~ If I have a “legitimate” reason for being nauseous like, let’s say a stomach virus, then yeah, I’m sick. Stay home. Blah. But if I’m nauseous because I’m nervous (say before a big speech or exam). No mercy. I should get over that. And, of course, not mention it. That would make me seem weak, soft, not put together. Not competent.

And, just as bad, if I’m nauseous because I’m on my period (a physical origin! The uterus shedding its lining!!) in that case I’m not supposed to let anyone know about it either! I’m expected to keep quiet and pretend nothing is wrong when I’m (literally) bleeding!

 

Why?

 

Why does our society value the physical and cast aside mental and women’s physical issues? Why? Those matter too. Those have important implications. They are barriers. Why are physical ailments excused from going to work or school, but mental and women’s physical issues expected to be worked through and not spoken about?

I finished that day at the hospital early. Got all of my patients evaluated. In pain, bleeding, hungry, nauseous, and dizzy, I finished. The preceptor just saw that I finished. That’s all that mattered to her. That’s all that matters to society.

But, remember, that having a mental diagnosis or being on your period are on the same level as a physical illness. Treat it as such. They aren’t anything to be ashamed of. So, talk about them like you would about breaking your arm or getting a cold. Unapologetically, because there is nothing to apologize for. And when you get your usual load of work done, be proud.

Breaking my dominant hand affects my ability to write. Why wouldn’t I be proud of being able to write legibly with my dominant hand being broken? Likewise, being depressed or on my period affects my work (motivation and execution). Why wouldn’t I be proud of being able to get through my usual workload for that day?

Even if society won’t give you that credit, give yourself some credit! You deserve it! Keep fighting anything in your way. I don’t know you, but I’d be proud to know you aren’t letting anything get in your way of your success. 🙂