Week of February 18th 2019- Food Bank (A Couple Dates with Chance and Couple Fights with Axyl)

Monday, February 18th– First Day at the Food Bank and Cooking Salmon …kind of

I was late. Gosh! I feel like I am in a high functioning depression. Well, kind of high functioning. Because when I’m down, I’m much more tired than expected physically. Example, I slept about ten hours Saturday and Sunday, but I did not hear a single one of my alarms this morning. Not one! But luckily, Axyl awoke around 8am. It’s a holiday, so he has off. I do not, because it’s a federal holiday and the food bank does not count. So, I was supposed to be in at 8am, but the dietitian there did not respond to my phone calls or emails. Therefore, I planned to arrive at 8am and see if the place was open or not. But…. I hadn’t even woken up by then.

Axyl knew what my plan was, so when he saw me still asleep, he woke me, and I got moving. I called the food bank to at least know if it was open before making the long journey there. It was and the new volunteer coordinator told me to go ahead and come.!!! That’s why the dietitian hadn’t responded to me. She doesn’t work there anymore! Augh! So, I rushed to get ready and begrudgingly took an Uber over there. $25! Augh! I spent the day stocking the little shelves of the food bank. (A lot harder work than it sounds!)

Afterwards I found some energy to go food shopping. My backpack was already full and by the end of it I had a mega stuffed backpack and four heavy plastic bags I was praying would not rip on me. I got home twice as exhausted but showed Axyl the salmon I bought (he’s been talking about craving salmon for a couple months now) so I had to find even more energy to cook it. I guess I didn’t have enough energy because it ended up being cooked only on the outside. X) Sushi am I right?! (Axyl put it back in the pan, no worries!)

Tuesday, February 19th– Another Multi-part Date with Chance (Mall, Bars, and the Beach)

Surprise! I walk into the food bank today to find about five other workers. Yesterday there was only one. I figured it was like this all the time. But nope. And what characters too! I thought I was going crazy thinking one of the guys was hitting on me, but apparently not, because another one of the workers pulled me aside and told me to watch out for him because he would surely ask for my number. Oh goodness. I hate rejecting people, but I’m really not interested.

Speaking of romance, I had a date with Chance planned today. It was an ambitious one too. He planned to take me to the bookstore, a couple bars, and the beach. And he did! He picked me up and took me to the mall first where we’d find the bookstore, but I was ravenous. Today we were stacking and wrapping pallets full of donations for school children. This meant lifting boxes of supplements, milk, and canned goods. 40 pack supplements, 12 liters of milk, that kind of thing. It was tiring. And hungry-making.

So, Chance and I ate at the mall (he made a joke that I was forcing him to be healthy because I’m studying nutrition and tried to pick the healthiest of the fast food options available). I got on my mini soapbox about excess sodium consumption. (Even if you are healthy, most Americans consume much more sodium than recommended.) We swung by the book store, but there was a panel going on, so we didn’t go in. Then, he took me to a comic book store where he found the newest release of his favorite manga (Tokyo Ghoul). He was excited. From there we went to Old San Juan to a bar where we drank cranberry vodkas and played billiards. I started well, but he ended up winning. After stopping at one more bar, we headed to the beach.

Old San Juan Bar View from Above.jpg
View from one of the bars in Old San Juan

I have no idea what beach it was, but it was beautiful. It was a windy night and the sound of the waves filled the air. Then, the sound of Chance’s grimaces did. XD He forgot his sandals and didn’t want to get his shoes filled with sand so he walked barefoot over the painful little rocks on the path. We walked around enjoying the scenery with palm trees every which way. Eventually, we made it up to this structure overlooking the ocean. It was a concrete platform that sloped down back over the path to come up it. Chance said he’d sit on the slope, if I wasn’t afraid of heights and was willing to join him. (Again, I’m not afraid of heights. I’m afraid of falling!) So, to prove him wrong, I went about 3/4ths of the way down this slope about 9 feet above the ground and sat watching the mix of blinking airplanes and steady stars. It was so peaceful with the blowing wind and sound of waves surrounding us. Just us two in a magical little world.

Wednesday, February 20th– Too Tired to Cook

This day wasn’t quite as romantic. We are still making those pallets at the food bank, so it was just a ton of manual labor. When I got home, I was so exhausted that I couldn’t bring myself to cook. Somehow, I was able to finish writing the blog about last week before falling asleep.

Thursday, February 21st– Making Brownies with Chance

Even more manual labor. Yep. I was kind of tired at this point and the workers noticed and asked me what was wrong. I wish I was in the mindset to write more about them. It’s the first rotation that I’ve been able to connect with a team of sorts. Usually it’s just me and my partner and the dietitian in charge of us. It was amazing to come into a group of people by myself especially since I feel I did become a part of them.

Date with Chance to his place to make brownies. 😀 We had another little picnic type thing at the benches outside my apartment. After that we headed to his place. It was somewhat late by then, but plans are plans. I scrambled to get a quick brownie recipe together (I don’t have a go to for that) and a few of the ingredients before heading out. Other than making the brownies, Chance let me start reading his favorite manga (Tokyo Ghoul). I got through the first part before the brownies were ready. I would like to borrow it to keep reading, but I also feel like it’s a lot of responsibility. If something were to happen to it. O.O I could not forgive myself….

In other news, the brownies were awful. XD I thought the recipe was too simple! I was looking for a recipe without baking chocolate since I didn’t have any on hand, but come on! The best brownies are made with baking chocolate! We didn’t let that ruin our night though. Several cuddles later and it was midnight. I was tempted to stay the night, but tomorrow would be my last day at the food bank and I didn’t want to be late. So, I nudged a sleepy Chance out of bed so he could drive me home. *sigh* Responsibilities, why?!

Friday, February 22nd– Last Day at the Food Bank and Visiting Chance at Work

I made it to the Food Bank on time resolved to make it a good day. I was a bit off the day before, but no more! I would make the most of this day. There was a surprise hoard of volunteers that greeted me when I arrived which made the day oddly fun. Though I’d only been at the food bank since Monday, I’d gotten the hang of the basics, so I spent the day doing what I do best: staying out of trouble and helping out on the sidelines. This meant trying to do all the odd jobs the volunteers either didn’t know to do or didn’t want to. Since we were sorting products for most of the day, this involved cutting open the plastic wrap that surrounded the stack of boxes on the pallets and then moving those boxes onto the two workstation tables where the volunteers would empty them, sort the products, and then put them on their new respective pallets.

The person in charge (Mary) warned me the boxes were heavy and not to lift them, but I insisted I could shuffle over the the table two feet away from me. I could, just barely. Soon though, my body got used to the 65 pounds and I was able to carry those boxes to the other side of the room to the second workstation. I felt so cool. At one point one of the volunteers asked for one one of the guys to come pick up a box of supplements they had filled with loose bottles of a supplement. The guy was nowhere in sight and though I feared it could hurt my back (I assumed the box must have been heavy if they were requesting help) I decided to move it myself. It was about half the weight of those big boxes I’d been carrying all morning! XD I repeat, I felt so cool. When it was time to leave for the day, I took a couple pictures with some of the food bank workers and said a brief goodbye to Mary. I really will miss this place. :<

During breaks I’d been messaging Chance and noticed a shift in mood. He’s normally a happy go lucky guy, but he’d been quieter. I asked what was wrong but he avoided the question making me think it was one of those things that are best discussed in person. I went out on a limb and asked if he’d like me to swing by his workplace and visit for a while. He said yes, so I stopped by after the food bank. Tired, dirty, and in a t-shirt, I showed up to the little grocery store Chance works at. I stood awkwardly by the register he was at. Most of the time I spent it waiting for him to not be busy then we’d smile at each other for a bit, but he stepped away a few minutes and bought me this street food called a pincho (basically meat on a skewer). He’s so sweet. feeding me even when he’s at work. He thanked me for helping him pass the time as I was leaving. I hope I did help even if only a little. 🙂

Saturday, February 23rd– Meaningless Saturday

Another Saturday wasted. Axyl and I decided on Friday nights as an evening to relax so that we could recharge and use Saturday and Sunday to work and be productive. Yeah. It’s not working for me. I am extremely avoidant of my problems. So, when I have a ton of work to do, I do nothing. It’s very counterproductive and self destructive. Realizing what I do doesn’t help me improve upon it though. *Sigh* So I did nothing today. Oh, I did irrationally stay up until 3 am though.

Sunday, February 24th– A Couple Fights with Axyl

Axyl said we’d wake up early to go do laundry, but we ended up waking at 9am. It was good though, because by the time we made it to the laundromat most of the early birds were gone and machines were available. That’s about the only productive thing I’ve done all day. Well, I did write this blog. I was so stressed yesterday just thinking about everything I have to do this coming week that I could not focus even for this. I’m just glad I made it to this point. Even though it’s not homework, it’s something and I’ll take that over anxiously playing Sims any day. (That’s what I did Saturday night.)

One last note. I got into two quarrels with Axyl this week, one on Friday night when we went out for sushi before the movie night that then did not happen and the other today (Sunday). The first was because I insinuated Axyl isn’t open to experiences or people here after he was complaining about Puerto Rico again. It was uncalled for and I’m probably just as mad at myself as he is with me about it. It was the way I said it. I took my own stress out on him and that was wrong. I said, “Well if you’re always complaining about this place and its people maybe the problem isn’t Puerto Rico, maybe the problem is you.” Gosh. What is wrong with me?

The second thing was when I was on the phone with a friend of mine asking for advice. I’m not very experienced with this whole physical contact thing. Axyl overheard and when I got off the phone asked me what my conversation had been about. I shouldn’t have told him. I didn’t have to, but I did and got the “be mindful of STDs” talk. I was upset by that. I know he cares. I appreciate that. However, that’s not the reaction I hoped for. I felt he was treating me like a naive child. Which, honestly, that’s fair. I just admitted I don’t know much about this stuff, but I know about STDs! Ugh. He just got mad that I got mad and told me he’d butt out in the future and not ask about my life anymore. That he was just worried about me and that I shouldn’t be reacting this way when he was only being realistic. -____- He says ever since I started dating Chance that I’ve changed.

I hate when people say that. YEAH. People change. People are changed by their experiences and the company they keep. That’s natural. That’s called learning from your mistakes. It’s an important part of life. Ugh. Let’s end that topic here.

***

Coming up next week:

  • Cafeteria rotation. They say it’s a tough one with a ton of assignments, but the dietitian just emailed us back and it seems like the normal amount. Except she told us she couldn’t receive us on Monday and we have an internship meeting on Friday, so a typical week is going to have to be jam packed into Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday. Joy. -____-
  • Food Service Case Study Presentation during the Friday internship meeting. Case study report due that day as well as that research proposal I’ve been procrastinating on since December. Can not turn it in later. Ughhhhghhhghghghhh
  • Maybe a study date with Chance. I’m going to be majorly stressed though, so it may not be the best idea. But when have I ever gone with good ideas in my life, ha! (….I wish that was a joke, guys).
  • One short somewhat sad poem to be posted next Wednesday.
  • I’m trying guys. I’m sorry I didn’t get around to writing part two of my first date with Chance. The plan is to write that during the weekend and have it to you guys by next Sunday. Things are going to be getting very stressful from now on and I don’t feel ready for it, but I don’t want to abandon this blog again. I’ll keep forging on. :/

Week of February 11th 2019- Non-Profit Food Service (Going to Chance’s House for the First Time and More Adventures in Dating)

It is Wednesday, February 20th as I write this. I’m sorry. This time it wasn’t that the week was so awful I didn’t want to think about it. I mean, yes and no. Well, just read on…

 

Monday, February 11th- First Day at the Non-Profit

First day at Community Center. Our rotation this week is at a little non-profit that provides a service to people in need. This includes ready-made food and health checks by nurses and dietitians. Only problem is that this week, Axyl is away for his rotation. I know I depend on people more than I should, but it didn’t become apparent how much I rely on Axyl until this week. Well, Axyl didn’t leave until Tuesday, which meant I made it to my rotation on time today. (Spoiler: I didn’t on Tuesday.)

It was pretty boring. The dietitian in charge of us just briefly explain the goals of the non-profit and made us input some numbers into her computer then sent us home early. That was good because I’d stayed up all night working on the food service binder that was due today. Gia and I stopped at a café after our rotation to finish putting together our binder before turning it in. That’s when I got a call from Axyl.

He didn’t have a ride to his out of town rotation and for some reason he wasn’t able to rent a car. So, I went with him to rent a car then we took a fun detour to Costco with me leading him every which way but to Costco. …I’m not the best co-pilot.

 

Tuesday, February 12th- First Movie Date with Chance

Another boring day. This time, the dietitian assigned me and Gia a ton of work then banished us upstairs to get it done and be out of her hair. From her super early dismissal yesterday, Gia and I already expected as much attention, so we brought snacks and started the work calmly.

After the rotation, Chance said he was going to cook for me before taking me out to a movie. He picked me up and drove me to his house where he began the laborious task of feeding a fellow human being. He made pasta. X) I love pasta though, so that was great. He served the alfredo pasta (sauce from a jar) with these cheese balls he heated up in an air fryer. It was nowhere near a five-star meal, but I saw the effort he put into it. It was really cute how he was flustered at trying to scoop the pasta out.

After that we wandered into his bedroom to eat and chat. Chatting turned to kissing and kissing, well, I’ll stop there. I’ll probably write a full out post about my opinions on intimacy. (No, it didn’t get that far, but it’s an important topic to discuss.) Eventually, Chance’s mom got home and I gave her a quick “hi” before she wandered away. I’m not sure what she has heard about me, but she didn’t seem too eager to speak to me. Chance’s brother, however, was much more enthusiastic. He smiled real big as he shook my hand. His eyes seemed to say, “so this is the girl who Chance was talking on and on about”.

I also got to say hello to Chance’s uncle before going to the movie theatre. There we watched the second Lego movie. It was nice and I got to cuddle Chance’s arm for most of it, so no complaints here. Aw, Chance lent me one of his sweatshirts to keep me warm. I accidentally took it home with me at the end of the night, and forgot the book he lent me, but no matter! It was a very memorable night.

 

Wednesday, February 13th- Random Stress and Chance to the Rescue with a Hug

Today I woke up at 8am. I go in at 8 am. -____- So, I was late to the non-profit. Gosh. We spent the whole time upstairs out of our preceptor’s sight and mind, so it wasn’t too bad. I told Chance I wanted to go home. He said, yeah, play hooky, but I said, “no, home to Texas.” I may have worried him a bit, because he was going to swing by to give me the book I forgot yesterday and to pick up his sweater I accidentally kept, but now he said he was also coming to give me a hug and talk if I needed to. Why is he so sweet??? It makes me want to cry happy tears…

So, we sat outside my apartment in this little area with benches and a couple trees. He hugged me and I tried to put on a brave face which he could see right through. He just hugged me tighter and told me to hang in there. I am so thankful for him.

 

Thursday, February 14th- Making Cookies with Chance

Wasn’t sure if I was going to see Chance today, since I’d already seen him the past two days, but he came over and finally got to come into my apartment. Before today, I’d made sure to wait for him outside in a public area and wait for him to drive off before walking into my apartment. However, since Axyl is away this week, I figured it a good day to invite him in. We made cookies together. Well… a monster cookie bread thing. Sooo, I used to live in a better apartment. It had a much nicer kitchen and a bigger oven. Now, in my crappier apartment, the cookie sheet doesn’t fit in my much smaller oven. Soo, we used a bread pan. Ha! The result was interesting since it had a crust on the outside, but the inside was still soft and gooey. I may do this again, on purpose. 😊

 

Friday, February 15th- Date with Joseph

Today, I went on a date with Joseph. Okay, let me explain! My two closest friends in this internship are Axyl and Amanda. Amanda recently has been invested in my dating adventures. I don’t want to blame it completely on her age, but she is older and more experienced than me, so she gives me a lot of good (though sometimes antiquated) advice. Either way, I like to listen to it, because I don’t know what I’m doing when it comes to dating. I’ve had one boyfriend and had gone on a date with only two different people before trying this dating app. Amanda and Axyl told me to keep dating. Sure, I like Chance, but they said I shouldn’t put other good guys on pause because of that.

I used to think that way too. Before I met Chance. Now, I don’t feel like meeting other guys. Not for romantic reasons at least. It’s a strange thing, but I don’t want affection from people that aren’t him. His hugs and kisses are all I crave. Having said that, I decided to still meet up with Joseph. I met him on that dating app before Chance and I figured it was fine as long as I didn’t lead him on or anything.

I suggested something causal like getting drinks, but we ended up having dinner. The conversation was good. It flowed and he didn’t seem nervous or anything. It was natural. After dinner we walked around Old San Juan. My heart kind of tugged when we passed places I’d seen first with Chance. A little guilt. :/ (I did tell Chance I was still dating other people, in case you are wondering.) At the end of the night, I was just certain of two things. One, that I must visit the Pigeon Park in Old San Juan. Apparently, there’s a guy who sells corn or something to feed the pigeons and it’s a whole thing there. Two, that I clicked with Joseph, but not romantically. He came off as too grown up. He has a starter company and goes to bed at 10pm. I mean, there’s nothing wrong with mature, responsible people, but gosh, he made me sound like a wild child. And trust me, I’m not!

 

Saturday, February 16th- Ehh, Don’t Remember

I really don’t know what I did today. I didn’t see Chance. I didn’t do homework. Must have just been a lazy day?

 

Sunday, February 17th- Date with Santiago

Do I have a problem? I woke up around 10 or 11am then just lazed around. I’m stressed and it feels like my head is full of static, which is not conducive to being productive. Eventually a guy matched with me on the dating app. I didn’t expect that. I haven’t been swiping since I met Chance, but he was one of the guys I had swiped yes on before. He asked me out after messaging not even ten minutes! I wasn’t doing anything, so I agreed. He gave me a place, I gave the time, and two hours after that we met up at a hippie type lot with different food trucks. It was cool.

Ah, maybe this doesn’t need to be said, but I feel like it’s an important detail. He’s American. From Seattle. He’s here for work and it was kind of nice to have a fellow American to talk to about the experience of moving out to Puerto Rico. I was going to say his charm ended there, but he did pay for my dinner. I felt kind of bad about that, since I am not looking for romance. I don’t know why I feel that I have to be into a guy to accept him paying for me. Honestly, I don’t think guys should be pushed by society to pay on the first date. But! That’s a topic for a full out post.

Anyway, after we ate, he suggested we walk for a bit. Since he doesn’t know the area and I did, I subtly led him to the train station, so I could leave once we got there. Instead we sat on a bench and chatted a bit more. During this time a guy came to ask for money. I told him I didn’t have any change (I only had a few coins and I don’t know, but ughhh, I’m not opposed to giving money to those who ask on the street, but I didn’t this time). Santiago does not speak Spanish, so he didn’t understand what was going on when the guy kept asking me. When I explained the situation, he just turned mean! He got this hard look on his face and practically snarled! He said, “No. Go Away.” in the sternest tone. That was extremely off putting.

Sometime after that he told me I was very pretty and asked to kiss me. I gave a small “I’m sorry” smile and shook my head no. He recovered from that well and continued talking. About five minutes later I said goodbye and got on the train home.

 

***

Sorry it took so long to write this. I’m stressed even though I shouldn’t be. The hard part comes soon but isn’t here yet. Oh well, I’m doing what I can. Next Monday’s blog (I do plan to post on time!!) will be about my time at the food bank. Manual labor 8 hours a day. It’s been interesting. The most manual labor I’d done before this was stocking candy and chips at a little store during my university days. Strangely though, I enjoy it. It’s nice to move and work instead of sitting and working. Things to look forward to in the next weekly blog:

  • Manual labor at the food bank
  • I am not making this up. One of the workers at the food bank hitting on me.
  • Another date with Chance. To the mall, a couple bars, and the beach. 😊
  • One more date with Chance. Brownies are planned!

Hark – Personal Poetry Collection

I’m feeling good this week. Like I can do anything. I rarely write poetry when I feel this way, but the one time I did was impressive. At least to me. The words came to me as I walked to my Organic Chemistry lecture my junior year in university. I remember rushing to my seat to scribble down the words as my professor began addressing the class. Please, do listen.

>>>

 

November 2016

Hark

And so we will stand

upon this land.

We will not bury our heads in the sand.

Our voices ringing loud,

refusing to bow,

because the time for change is now.

 

Get up.

Fill your cup.

Do not rupt.

Interrupt,

Intervene,

Make a new scene.

 

One of color and spark-

that needs no bark

and has no sharks.

Only us larks.

Leaving our marks.

 

Hark

our voices ringing loud

that intervene

to make new sound.

 

There is beauty to be found.

Towards it I am bound.

Please join me on my cloud.

 

I am nothing you have ever seen,

so on me do lean.

 

Friends, hark!

And together, we shall make light in this dark.

 

 

 

 

***

Note: Photo credit to Wenshu Chen/USFWS

Chocolate Love – Personal Poetry Collection

A little nugget from 11th grade me essentially saying, “no boyfriend, no problem. As long as you have chocolate, love is in the air.” X) I hope everyone had a good Valentine’s Day with either a loved one or some chocolate!

***

February 13, 2013

Chocolate Love

Sweet

Candy-

Chocolate-

How you comfort,

soothe, and distract. Will

you always be needed?

Isolated, confused, and

Cold. Worthless people compare

not. Only one thing can improve

anything: chocolate- the only love.

 

 

Note:

Photo Credit to Adonyi Gábor from PxHere

The Most Romantic Date I’ve Been On- Meeting Chance for the First Time (Part 1 of 2)

I met a guy. On the internet. Well, technically on a dating app. And technically I met three guys before him. But this post isn’t about those other guys. This post is about Chance. I gave him that pseudo name a couple days after we matched. It just felt right. He’s a year younger than me and while I haven’t done a ton of dating myself, I clearly remember wise women in my life telling me not to ever date younger men. “Guys mature slower than girls”, they said. “Only date younger guys if you want a boy not a man”, they said.

 

First Impressions

So, even though Chance is only a year younger than me, I was wary. He didn’t have much on his profile either. Just a few pictures of him in a cozy sweatshirt with his curly hair or him on a beach. His scant profile was generic with the typical interests cited: anime, movies, and one somewhat standout thing- that he is learning to play guitar. What can I say? He’s cute. I swiped. A few days later so did he. And like that we matched. I understand that’s not the most romantic story, but what would follow comes close.

He said “hey” (plus a happy emoji). Not something cheesy or a pick-up line. Just hey. That was red flag number one. Haha, just kidding, I remember thinking that was odd as it had not been my experience with the other guys. Either way, I forged on and we struck up a conversation. We talked about several different things. Not at all forced or overly formal like it had been with the other guys. I remember thinking he’s super chill. We eventually got to the topic of him learning to dance. To which, I replied I’d like him to teach me a few moves. He said he was just beginning and that I’d have to be the judge of his dance skills. I saw my chance and I took it!

Mind you, I’d been waiting for this guy to ask me out on a date for a couple days now. So, what did I do? He said I’d be the judge of his dance skills, so I slyly responded, “When’s judgement day?” That’s (sadly) one of the coolest moments of my life. X) And just like that, I had a date with Chance. That whole process was different too. I guess I did ask him out, but I assumed he’d take over from there. Nope! He gave me a range of days, I gave him a range of times then he asked if I had any place in mind. It’s kind of cool how we decided on the date together.

 

Date Part 1: The Café

Tuesday sometime after 5 pm at a random café I picked from Google maps. Those were the official date plans. I got out of my rotation early that day to procrastinate for our date. I ended up showering and getting dressed then dashing out the door, wet hair and all. I almost jogged to the café (which was about ten minutes away) where I waited in front of a big green bush until Chance arrived. He was about 15 minutes late. It was cute how we found each other. He sent me a text he was outside but couldn’t see me, but that he was wearing a blue shirt. I’d already told him I was wearing a black and white shirt. We both turned a corner in the tiny parking lot in front of the café and seemed to notice each other at the same time. That was cute.

Ah! Detail. We’d been messaging in English ever since we matched. So, I said hello in English when I met him. He responded in English with saucers for eyes. I smiled and laughed internally, deciding “Spanish. Definitely switch to Spanish”. X) With that, I began speaking to him in Spanish. I could see him breath again and knew that was the right choice.

I’d never been to this café before, so it was a tad awkward to go inside and try to order. He’d never been to this café either. Eventually though, we ordered a coffee and sat down to talk. It was the epitome of small talk. All polite and neat. Eventually we finished our drinks and I waited for him to make some excuse to leave.

Instead! He asked if any of the pastries/ baked goods had looked appetizing. He wanted to keep talking! ❤ Aw! I’m not a complete idiot, so I followed him to the counter to pick out something sweet. I got some corn bread and he got a slice of carrot cake. A few moments later as we sat nibbling our respective treats, he asked if I’d like a bite of carrot cake. Cute! I offered him some of my corn bread and we continued chatting. Eventually he asked if he was everything, I expected he’d be. I said, mostly. However, I expected him to be more extroverted. He seemed to be by via text, but here I was chatting incessantly to fill up space. Boring stuff about my internship mostly. :p

He said he’s usually shy around new people, but is a completely different person with his closest friends. I smiled. I’m the exact same way. I suppose many “shy” people are this way. There’s just has to be trust to be oneself. Cake was gone. What now? He answered that quickly. “Want to go for a walk or something?”, he asked. My heart sang. “Yes!”, I replied.

 

Date Part 2: The Drive

Once we got outside though, he paused and asked if I preferred to walk or drive around for a bit. I thought for a second then said that as long as I ended back in my neighborhood, I was good with either. He chose the drive, so I hopped in this red Mazda to parts unknown. I didn’t ask and he didn’t tell. Maybe dangerous, since I don’t really know this guy, but definitely exciting. Here, in his car, he started to ease into the moment and the conversation. From this point onward, my memory turns hazy. It feels like a dream.

He told me he’s clumsy. I bragged that I’m also super clumsy, but oddly I stumble at least three times a week, but never fall. “I’ve mastered the art of catching myself!”, I said proudly. He told me about someone robbing his car some time back. I shared I’ve only had my bike stolen before and that broke my heart, couldn’t imagine someone robbing my car (which is back in Texas). He verified that I’ll only be in Puerto Rico till the end of my internship in June. Five months. I’ll be here for another five months. I asked what his future plans are and he said after graduating this summer, he plans to stay in Puerto Rico for a few more months before probably moving to the United States (Miami, Florida).

 

Date Part 3: Old San Juan

When we stopped, we were in Old San Juan. Everyone I know says it’s a must visit. They quote the nightlife and the art and history. What they didn’t mention is how beautiful the architecture is. The streets are big and open. A giant plaza. Here we started walking (again, I have no idea where to) and talking about his photography. That’s a big thing that stood out to me: his appreciation of beauty. So genuine. We found a bench to sit and chat. It was peaceful. There were lights in the distance from ships and buildings. The bench we were sitting on was a few feet from the marina and on the other side was the path to what Chance referred to as “the castle”, a historical looking building.

After some time, we walk up that path and find another bench by the castle as we chat about tattoos (Chance has two; I fear permanence). There are other people here hanging out around the benches a little ways away from us. Two steps- no, not even! Chance goes around the left side of the bench and probably sat down the exact moment my ankle gave out and I fell shin first onto the gravely rocks surrounding the bench. Ouch! Haha, real life foreshadowing. I shouldn’t have bragged about my not falling skills.

Luckily though, as part of that conversation, I’d also mentioned how I hate it when people try to help me up if I do fall and how my first instinct is to hop up and pretend like nothing happened. I don’t like making it a big deal. And that’s exactly what I did. I was laughing so hard! I jumped up cackling and limped to the opposite side of the evil bench to sit next to Chance. He was laughing too, asking if I was okay between chuckles. I assured him I was perfectly fine. And that if I wasn’t, I would never admit it. X)

It hurt, guys. A lot. Later when I assessed the damage, turns out I earned a conglomeration of about four to five big, ugly, green bruises on my right shin, one deep brown bruise on my left shin, and even a tiny brown bruise on my inner forearm. What the heck? Who knows, but at the moment I just laughed it off, trying not to let my wincing let on how much pain I was in. Who decorates the last step around a bench with rocks?!

Who knows how, but the next memorable part of this section of the night, apart from him asking me to ask him questions (he said he liked seeing how flustered I’d get trying to think of something) was when he subtly bragged about his kissing skills. It was something like “people say I’m a good kisser, but I don’t know, that’s just what they say…”. Oh, I got the hint, guys.

 

Interlude: A Word on Affection and Promiscuity

Let me be real for a sec. I told you guys I’m not promiscuous. Uhh, yes and no? See, I like affection. Physical or otherwise. But I don’t often get physical affection. At home, yeah, my mom and dad (even my brother sometimes) would give out free hugs. My best friend greets me with a hug. I have a cuddly dog. Here? For seven months I’ve been on a literal island. No family. A different version of friends (all interns which means they are also my peers). None of which are huggy types. Least of all the one I spend most time with (my roommate Axyl). It’s not like I need hugs to survive, but I admit they do help immensely.

Mini rant over. My point being, I’m deficient in hugs and cuddles. I figured this whole dating thing could give me a version of that. Hand holding and maybe a kiss at the end of dates, I didn’t think it’d be something I’d be morally conflicted about. I figured it’s logical. I want affection. Here are people who are looking for some sort of romantic relationship, which last time I checked, usually involves physical contact to some degree. It’s a dating app, not a church group. People know what they are signing up for. I figured, a kiss is a kiss. It doesn’t have to mean anything. I don’t have to be attracted or want a relationship out of someone to kiss them. That’s what I wanted to believe.

But when Chance brought up the topic, hinting at an opportunity to prove my new life philosophy right, I changed my mind. I thought, “I don’t really know this guy. I can’t kiss him!”. I did want that connection. Kisses do mean something to me. I still feel bad I held the hand of the first guy I went on a date with a week prior to writing this post and not going on a second date with him. Gosh. Do I feel bad. But yes, so I care. I’m a hopeless romantic who craves the touch of another human. Nothing strange about that.

 

Date Part 4: Romantic Rain

So, I glazed over his comment and changed the subject. I think Chance got the hint, because he didn’t insist. A guy who understands subtle hints. That, I like. It means he truly understands how I think. Or that’s how I interpret it. At this point, it’d started to sprinkle, so the people around us started walking back to the safety of their cars or restaurants nearby. On the other hand, Chance and I, though I don’t remember the topic, were engrossed in conversation, so I only mildly noticed the little droplets from the sky. Soon though, those droplets turned into drop-lots! (….I’m sorry. I had to.) We looked at each other and agreed to start walking back down the path away from the castle.

And walk we did! I mentioned to him how he’s the first person I know that doesn’t exaggerate about the rain. He walked. Didn’t run or try to even cover his head from the sky water. He just walked, calmly and contently. Right by my side. 😊 It was beautiful.

The crystalline water dripping off his strong jawline and the curls in his hair shone a light on his attractiveness and made him the epitome of male beauty. Maybe I read too many romance books… And the night isn’t over yet! Maybe about halfway there. But I hardly expect anyone to make it through what I’ve already written, so, this calls for a part two! Now, I’m a lady, but you turn on the heat and water turns to steam. If you didn’t understand that… don’t worry about it. XD If you catch my drift, come back for part two to read about the exact boiling point. 😉 Okay, I’m done with the lame chemistry puns. (Ha! Chemistry!) Okay, okay, I’m seriously done!

Thanks for reading. Expect part two by next Friday, February 22nd!

Week of February 4th 2019- Food Service Week 4 (The Week I Met Chance)

Um, I’m distracted. Gosh. Why do I like to complicate my life? I guess it makes for the best stories. Let’s just say that date with Chance went…well. Very well…

 

Monday, February 4th- Working on that Finance Case Study

Gia and I spent the whole day at the rotation (from 8:30 am to 5pm minus an hour for lunch) in the freezing cold cafeteria working on that darn case study. We were told it was due today or tomorrow, but when the preceptor asked me when we would be presenting I said Tuesday or Wednesday and Gia agreed on Wednesday. Thank goodness! X) Yep. I don’t remember doing anything exciting at home this day.

 

Tuesday, February 5th- INFATUATION?? …or a kindred spirit? First Date with Chance

Today was a fun day at the rotation. Yesterday Gia and I discussed the fact that if we were going to be freezing in that cafeteria working on the case study all day again we might as well bring coffee, some type of pastry, and assorted snacks. Why suffer? So, it was like an all day picnic. Haha, it was fun.

You know what was more exciting? My date with Chance. It was a whole mini series. Oh goodness. I’m… swimming. My mind and tummy are swimming. Geez. This wasn’t supposed to happen. I planned to date different guys and not be exclusive. I’m only in Puerto Rico for another five months! And it’s not like Chance and I are exclusive after one date, but I wouldn’t mind if that were the end result. I wanted to date to have fun. Something carefree. But… Oh goodness, someone please slap me.

The whole thing, and these are his words, were “like a scene from a romantic comedy. It was a hundred times better than expected.” I can’t even begin writing about the date or him. Ahh!! I’m not used to being this giddy. I promise, I’ll write about him and the date, but it was beautiful. …he’s beautiful… Gosh, okay, moving on! Expect that post on Wednesday, February 13th. (No, I’m not waiting until February 14th! Now that would be cheesy!)

 

Wednesday, February 6th- Spontaneous Meetup with Amanda

Gia and I worked on that case study all morning. We presented at mid-day and were dismissed. Yep. This rotation should be four weeks long. Yep. -___-

When I got back to my apartment I called home for the first time in, maybe a month. Oops.. A lot of things have happened and I hate calling home when I’m not okay. My parents can always tell and I don’t like to make them worry. But…I’m suddenly in a good mood… May or may not have to do with the unbelievable date I had yesterday. Definitely did not mention that to my mother. Nor will I. They, my dad especially, would just say I’m supposed to be in Puerto Rico to study, not meet boys. :/

Well, just as I had started cooking some beans, a fellow intern, Amanda, called me to say she was in the area. I put the beans on hold and almost skipped down to the cafe she was at to unravel the story of last night. I’m still swooning… However, both she and Axyl (my two closest friends in this internship) told me to keep dating other people. To which I could only whine and say, “I don’t want to date other people. He’s different”. And they could only shake their heads with disappointment. Ugh. They weren’t there. They don’t know how we connected. *content sigh*

 

Thursday, February 7th- Preceptor Humiliating us in Front of her Employees

The preceptor was a jerk today. She called us into the kitchen and quizzed us on different employee’s names and positions. She did this to prove that Gia and I aren’t spending enough time in the kitchen. It was just a demeaning way of proving her point. We are only at this rotation for one more day. Too little too late anyway! Plus, we spent the whole day doing some paperwork she has to do for employee hours. The preceptor keeps mentioning that this is supposed to be our staff relief week. But… we don’t have staff relief in food service. She just wishes we did.

Either way, we left early-ish and I’ve been procrastinating all day. I took a quick nap while Axyl made potatoes. Other than that, I’ve been chatting with Chance. I have all my assignments for this rotation due tomorrow, so I haven’t had the opportunity to see him in person again. Gosh. I should be working on those assignments, but… he’s so much more interesting…

 

Friday, February 8th- Worker Safety Presentation and Anabelle movies

It was a lame day. Didn’t really do much except wait around until Gia and I had to present a topic to the kitchen workers at the hospital. It went well. I liked it. Presentations are fun. Depending on the topic, of course. Mine was worker safety, so it was stuff they already knew. Don’t wave knives around and don’t leave banana peels on the floor. It was a little bittersweet saying goodbye. We didn’t really spend too much time getting to know everyone in the kitchen, but four weeks is four weeks.

Afterwards I came home to a hungry Axyl who wanted to go buy snacks for our horror movie night. We went to this pharmacy nearby which is really more like a Dollar General type shop with lots of cheapish things. I bought a plate and a couple of bowls. They have polka dots and are green. Cute! :3

Back at home, Axyl and I watched the next two Annabelle movies, though I swear we’d already watched Annabelle Creation. So…I fell asleep in the middle of it.

 

Saturday, February 9th- Impromptu Lunch Date with Chance

Woke up around 11am. Gosh, I was tired. I had barely gotten a cheese stick and some peanuts for breakfast when I got a message from Chance. He asked me if I’d eaten yet. Now, I’m a little dense, but I’m no dummy. I coyly responded that I hadn’t and he offered to pick something up so we could have lunch together. Aww! So sweet. 🙂

When he arrived though, a little boom emanated from under the hood of his car and some white smoke started billowing out. He seemed pretty chill about it though. Just let it cool down before taking a look. We ate lunch on a bench close to my apartment. It was some chinese food (my favorite). Things seemed calmer than the first time. Both of us were a little shy, as if we were meeting for the first time again. The first date was like a dream. It was dark and romantic. Now it was 2pm and the bags under my eyes were on full display along with my greasy I-am-exhausted-hair.

Still, we exchanged stories on different scars we have and customer service horror stories. It was a nice break from thinking about the assignments I have to do. I’ve only met up with him twice now, but when I’m with him it’s like being in a different world. It’s calm and safe and as close to a dream as life can get. *sighh I think I have it bad…

Ah, and about his car. It’s at the mechanic now. I called Richard for help and he speculates Chance’s car may have blown a gasket. Real life plot twist, huh?

 

Sunday, February 10th- I Have Too Many Assignments Due on Monday

Well, I procrastinated most of yesterday, so today I woke up and started working on this darn menu. I’ve done the little corrections to assignments, now I just need to do the menu modifications for a week, two program proposals, and the case study report. Plus build the binder to turn all that in. I’m stressed. And that’s only what I have to do for this rotation from last week. Looks like I’m not sleeping tonight. I should make coffee.

>>>

Next week is supposed to be chill though. This is what’s coming up:

  • Gia and I start a new rotation (finally!). It’s a small community center we will go to for food service experience.
  • Axyl goes out of town for a rotation. I get the apartment to myself for about four days! Yay!
  • I have another date with Chance on Tuesday. It’ll be our third date. 🙂
  • You guys will get to read the whole story about our fairytale first date on Wednesday February 13th.

 

 

An Exchange – Personal Poetry Collection

This is a bit of a cop out, but…. I’d rather do this than not post anything. Soo, remember I have a myriad of hobbies? Welp, here’s the poem that started it all. I wrote it for English class during 11th grade.  I got a good grade on it which encouraged me to keep writing more poems. Not sure if that was a good thing or not, but it was definitely a thing. X)

The assignment was to write a poem about love. It could be made up or real. Mine was inspired by a kind friend. (Link to the briefest of mentions about AJ here.)

***

An Exchange

January, 2013

He cares for you and protects you from harm.

You care for him but can not protect him.

He stays by your side despite your alarm.

He risks himself to help you from the rim.

 

Useless, you stand by as he thinks of you.

Meanwhile you think of him, and decide: no.

The unfairness overwhelms you. You rue

the time you met him. You wish he would go.

 

You must not burden him. He matters more

than your silly problems. This you know well.

With this you withdraw. You become poor.

You yearn for his thoughts. You yearn for his smell.

 

Him without your problems and you without

his company, makes you think, makes you doubt.

 

 

Week of January 28th, 2019- Food Service Week 3 (I Got to Help with a Catering Event and Had My First Date from that Dating App I Joined)

Long post warning! I had to describe the whole date. I just had to! XD

Monday, January 28th– Time and Temperature Study

Woo hoo! We actually did something at the rotation today! This is the third week at this hospital for our food service rotation. …Is it bad that I’m excited we had something to do? Today we did a time and temperature study. Basically, Gia and I measured how hot or cold different food items were when the kitchen staff was making the food trays for patients. Then we took the temperatures again when they arrived at the room our fake patient was. Instead of throwing my tray away, I asked if I could eat it for lunch and discovered that just because something is safe to consume according to the time and temperature measurements Gia and I took, it’s not necessarily ideal. I’ll just say this: most things were the perfect temperature to enjoy, gelatin was cold, soup was warm, but others could have been better.

Gia had to leave early today. She had an appointment, so at mid-day she was gone, and I was left in the rotation. It was nice. I got all my work done for the day. Then I went to the kitchen to see if I could help in some way. They were pretty much done for the day though, so I just chatted with one of the cooks. It’s no one’s fault but my own, but the fact remains that I do better by myself. After the rotation, I got home, changed, and went exploring. Specifically, I went in search of a print shop so I wouldn’t have to rush the next morning. Usually I have no choice but to print in the morning since I take my work home with me, but since I’d finished at the rotation today, I figured why not?

Then I slept. Gosh, Axyl left the apartment to go play tennis and by the time he came back I was still sleeping. Even more tired than when I had fallen asleep! This internship… I hope I survive.

 

Tuesday, January 29th– Gia Made a New Friend

No rush in the morning. Not at all. I didn’t want to get up. Axyl woke me when he got home last night around 7 or 8pm, so I got up, ate toast, and stared at a blank computer screen until midnight when I went to sleep again. *Sigh* This internship is exhausting. I woke up about half an hour before I had to go. Axyl is so sweet. He can see how exhausted I am. He tries not to make too much noise in the morning or turn on the overhead light, so I won’t wake up. I thank him for being so considerate.

At the rotation, we haven’t really done much. I’m writing this at 1:45 pm. We were supposed to be back from lunch at 1:15 pm to do some inventory/accounting stuff so I’ve been sitting here waiting. Gia, however, seems to have befriended the intern from another internship. They got back from lunch not even five minutes ago.

At home I spent my time dreading working on assignments and procrastinating by talking to my matches from the dating app. It’s a bit strange. I have three matches at the moment. Only have a pending date with one, but they all seem like cool people. Who knows what will come of this? I’m just glad to have people to message with.

 

Wednesday, January 30th– They Fed Me till I Wanted to Puke! Helping with the Catering Event

Gia and her new friend seem happy. They went to lunch together while I stayed eating a sandwich in the office by myself. When the dietitian, who graciously shares her desk with us interns returned, I left to get a coffee so she could have her desk back. Our preceptor had left to buy some things for this special event the kitchen was in charge of catering for that night and wasn’t back by the time lunch was over. Gia and her friend weren’t back yet either, so I went to the kitchen and helped with the event preparation. That was super fun! I got to help one of the chefs make a chicken dip, decorative lime display, and mousse cups. In return, the kitchen staff gave me a taste of pretty much anything they could. Oof! I wish I hadn’t had that coffee. I was already full before they started feeding me.

After that I wandered back to the office and found the preceptor. We were about to go to the finance department to get some paperwork when the nice chef I’d been helping came in with another delicious sample. It was a “superfood” salad. Please don’t ask me about superfoods. There is no one food that solves all of a person’s health problems or prevents them. Diet variety is key. Moving on. But anyway, this salad was a grain and greens salad with chickpeas, pumpkin seeds, and other things in a balsamic dressing. It was so good! I felt like I was about to throw up though. I was so full! X)

Eventually the preceptor and I made it to the finance department. On the way back, she started reminiscing about her intern days, which was really sweet. It’s nice to be reminded that these dietitians that allow us to come into their workplace and try to teach us about their specialty went through the same thing. Nutrition internships are intense… Anyway, when we got back to the office Gia was back from helping her friend do an acceptability study. I helped the preceptor balance the invoices Gia and I need to work on  for this case study I suggested. (It’s about analyzing purchasing order errors. Like accounting. Kind of lame, but I thought it’d be interesting.) Still, the kitchen staff kept feeding me. Gia looked at me a bit jealous, but whatever.

 

Thursday, January 31st– Working on an Accounting Case Study

This morning I asked for my corrected menu assignment back. The preceptor had had it for about two weeks and still hadn’t gotten it back to me. She gave it back and I started working on it. Then she called me and Gia into her office and went over the pending assignments making a comment about how the time we have in the rotation should be used to work on group things not our individual assignments. Guess what Gia was doing all day yesterday while I was balancing invoices with the preceptor for our shared case study? She was working on her menu! Why? Because it was supposed to be a two-week menu and she somehow only turned in one week of it. How is that fair? Mhm ‘kay.

So Gia and I went through all of the invoices and extracted data. Before starting that, we went upstairs to buy some breakfast. So, by the time lunch came around neither of us were very hungry. Gia suggested just going to get some coffee, and I obliged. It was the cutest tiny coffee shop across the street. After drinking a cup of coffee Gia left and I bought some Doritos to make time. 30 minutes later I returned to the hospital where Gia and I kept going through invoices.

Back at home I got a new match on that dating app I joined. Let’s call him Chance. He’s a year younger than me. I don’t usually go for younger guys, but I’m all for benefit of the doubt.

 

Friday, February 1st– Renal Orientation and Amanda Chopped Off My Hair

I stayed up all night working on an important assignment. Gosh, that was some strong coffee! At 6:30 am I rode with some of my fellow interns (Sue, Amanda, and Axyl) to go to an orientation for our renal rotations. Renal is one of the few rotations that are individual. This means I don’t have to go with Gia for this one. This is good and bad. Good because being with one person for a year will drive anyone insane. Bad because- well this can also be good, but- no shared work. Everything will be up to me. Eh, I’ll survive. Renal is notorious for being the most difficult rotation though. That’s why they give all of the interns an orientation at once.

It was intense. Imagine four two-hour lectures back to back to back to back. Oh, and the topics are stats, anatomy, physiology, and medical nutrition therapy. All about kidneys. I took a ton of notes. Not just because notes are a good idea for long lectures, but more so I wouldn’t fall asleep!

After the orientation, Sue drove Axyl and me home. Amanda tagged along as she had promised to cut my hair and recently Axyl’s hair too. Axyl went first and he turned out okay. I told Amanda I wanted bangs and a trim but that I trusted her to decide how to do that. Welp. The trim part was lost in translation. I see her cutting my bangs, a little snippet to the side then a big snippet towards the back. Not in bang territory anymore. A big chunk of hair. I asked what she was doing and she replied she was giving me a new look. ….it was too late to salvage my long hair. A whole chunk was missing! So, I told her as much and she kept going.

I was growing out my hair. It was almost down to my hips. Maybe an inch or more to go. …Now it’s about an inch or two away from my shoulders. It looks great! But it wasn’t what I was expecting. I was in shock. Goodness. Oh well. It’s just hair. I told Amanda if I were another person she would have been in trouble. You have to make triple sure before you lob off a long-haired girl’s mane! That takes dedication! *sigh* Nothing left to do but embrace my new short look..

 

Saturday, February 2nd– First Date with a Match from the Dating App! …He Took Me to the Mall…. -_____-

Got a hot date! XD I need to write about my matches. It’ll probably be its own post. Haha, I sound like such a slut…. At least that’s what Axyl calls me. We get along a little too well now. X) The date was interesting… Let’s call this guy Jay. So, Jay was my first match on the dating app. He made me laugh right off the bat and seemed decent. He’s the geeky type who likes anime and video games, but from the conversation I’d had with him through the app, he still seemed capable of talking about other things. Which is important! That’s why I asked to meet up with him. He said yes and suggested going to the mall. -____- That was odd.

Okay, I know age is just a number, but I feel it necessary to say this guy is 29. And he suggested going to the mall. I still went. It was the most awkward thing at first. He didn’t seem to have a plan at all. I asked if we had an end destination or if he just wanted to walk around? He opted for walking. We ended up going inside a store where we stood awkwardly by the anime rack chatting. More like him talking about anime. I have nothing against anime. I like it. However! I haven’t watched many, so I can’t really have a good conversation about it.

Eventually we moved to a bench and just chatted there. That was the best part. The conversation started flowing and I started to relax. He complimented my hair and told me I looked pretty. Hee hee! At some point I remembered Axyl had asked me to text him sometime during the date to make sure Jay wasn’t some psycho. I did and that’s when we noticed we’d been talking for two and a half hours! I asked him what would happen then because I was hungry and he could come with or without me. He opted to come with and so I asked if we’d be going in his car since I got there by train to which he responded there was food at the mall. -____- When a girl says let’s get out of here…. Oh gosh. This boy needed a slap across the face.

So, we ate at the food court. He, the gentleman he is, gave me a coupon for free fries. That’s what I ate. I got anxious and didn’t order a sandwich. My explanation? “I like potatoes…. Not a lot! Just the normal amount! ….” *face palm* Why am I so awkward?! I joked that my friends had asked me if he was going to take me to the arcade since he’d suggested going to the mall. …so, we went to the arcade. I sucked at air hockey and pac man but completely crushed him at Mario Kart! So, it was okay. Then he suggested going to the bookstore. Alright. At this point I was ready to go. I gave him about ten more minutes before saying it was getting late and that I should be going.

He offered to drive me to the train stop and asked for my hand as we walked to his car. Holding hands was nice. He’d mentioned he liked to go slow on the whole physical thing. :/ I’m not anything close to a sexually liberated human being. But… a girl has needs. This boy just stood there awkwardly when we got to the train station as I said, “well, looks like this is goodbyeee….”. I was waiting for him to do something! Hug, kiss, a handshake even! Nothing! This boy just stood there!! So, I put my arms out for a hug. That was nice. Gosh. I don’t want to sleep with a ton of guys, but I am deficient in hugs. I just want some hugs! We agreed to hang out sometime and with that I went inside the train station.

 

Sunday, February 3rd– Errands with Axyl

Got up late. Axyl had told me to set an alarm early to go do laundry, but we both ended up waking up around 10am… oops. After laundry we tried going to Costco, but it seems that bus doesn’t run on weekends. Instead we went to a regular grocery store. Then I got irrationally sad and have been procrastinating since. Gosh, I have to finish a case study for tomorrow. :p

***

QUESTION TIME!

Hi. ^-^ I know I’m super busy all the time, but I want to hear from you guys! Maybe I’ll make it big one day and not have time to respond to comments but for now I do have the attention span to go through the one comment a month that I get. Take advantage of that, guys! (I mean maybe I won’t make it big ever, but hey! No need to be so pessimistic!)

If you have a follow up question about something I mentioned like “so what happened with your new match?” (hint, something is happening with him), or if you have a comment like “I can’t believe he asked you out to the mall!”, or even a similar experience like “ooh! This last time I went to get my hair cut the lady ended up making my hair green! And I didn’t even schedule a dye that day!!”. Anything! I’d love to hear from you guys. Okay, well anything as long as it isn’t mean/bullying. That’s not cool. Other than that, have at it! Let me know what you think! 🙂

I want to try something. I hope it inspires some comments. I’ll leave you guys a question at the end of each weekly post… until I am convinced it won’t work, I guess. I’m curious,

How would you have reacted if someone drastically cut your hair without you explicitly agreeing to it?

 

Coming Up Next Week:

  • Accounting case study due
  • Date with Chance
  • Last week in food service rotation

It’s not much, but I can’t predict the future. Other exciting things could happen. Come back next Monday to find out! 😀

 

 

Week of November 20th- Thanksgiving Week-Part 1

The moment has come. If you think my life is like a real-life soap opera, then get ready, because this week is probably the most eventful one I’ve had first hand. As you may or may not know, depending on if you read my weekly blogs, I got pretty busy/discouraged/whatever you want to call it/these are just excuses and I stopped writing for this blog in the middle of November last year. So, I started re-capping those weeks every Friday starting last Friday. The week before this, I had a good week. I was in my telemedicine rotation for my nutrition internship with my internship partner Gia and I got to express my creative side. That, plus the kind evaluation from the preceptor I had that week was just what I needed to get out of this long grasp of sadness I had been in.

A Word about Gia’s Experiences

That week wasn’t as helpful for Gia, though. She claims she isn’t a creative type (something I think she could be if she’d let herself, but these are digressions). For her, the whole week was just work and another evaluation. She’d been slowly getting more and more discouraged and just done with this internship and life in Puerto Rico. It was in the following week- Thanksgiving week- that she finally had enough.

She told me she was ready to go home and that she didn’t know if she wanted to be a dietitian and that it was too much financial strain to put her family through (the internship is 40 hour work weeks not including travel time or business trips out of town with no pay or transport and extra assignments and projects on top of that, so getting a job is difficult to say the least). She had told me this all before, but something was different. I could tell she was ready to do something about how she felt.

At first, I tried as I always did when someone came to me with similar concerns (trust me, she wasn’t the only person to express such thoughts to me). I asked her to remember why she had started, urged her not to give up halfway through. What I did not do was beg her to stay, and much less to stay for my sake. Since we are internship partners, we go to every rotation together (remember we are both not from Puerto Rico, so everywhere we go is new). We often get assignments that are meant for us to do together (essentially each of do half the work) and well, it’s a big commitment. But I didn’t guilt her into anything. In fact, after my initial attempt to urge her to see the bright side or the benefits of staying, I gave up on her.

I did. I wasn’t going to keep her around by force or guilt. She would just keep feeling awful the rest of the internship year, if she didn’t, on her own account, decide she wanted to stay. So, I gave up. I figured she’d go to the brink and stay… or not. But I was gambling that she’d stay.

The Fallout- Ambush Meeting with Gia and the Director of the Program

Welp, how did that go for me? Gia went to the director and they talked for HOURS. I was in the department of health, as were two other interns that day, since it was Thanksgiving week and that Tuesday and Wednesday were optional for us to work. It was Tuesday and I remember me and the two other interns were chatting in the morning while Gia went into her meeting with the director. Here in Puerto Rico everyone and their grandmother eats lunch at exactly 12 ‘o clock noon, so when the time came the three of us interns working in the office left to take our hour lunch break. We came back at 1pm and still no sign of Gia or the director. Some time after, maybe 20 to 30 minutes, and the director comes to where we interns are and asks if I’ll go with her for a minute. I say yes and follow her to a little balcony type area where I see a guilty looking Gia staring at the table in front of her avoiding my gaze.

The director invites me to sit and then does so herself. After which she says, that if I don’t want to be in this internship that’s fine, but I have to find a way to deal with those feelings because they are affecting my partner who does want to be here.

Yes. I wish I could say I’m making that up for dramatic effect, but it’s what actually happened. I felt like someone had punched me in the gut. I felt blindsided. I glanced at Gia. She was still staring at the table. I couldn’t speak. I don’t remember what happened immediately after; I was just so shocked. Throughout the course of this ambush (I don’t think meeting is the right word for what it was), the director told me at least four separate times that if I wanted to leave the internship or I decided it wasn’t the best option for me that there would be no hard feelings and that it was a perfectly valid option and that she would support me in whatever career choice I made. That it would not reflect badly on me.

Director Told Me I Had Disrespected Her. Twice.

She also told us interns at the orientation stage of the internship back in August that interns are significantly more likely to get kicked out of the program for disrespect than for turning in late assignments, academic struggles or anything else. Then she told me I had disrespected her twice already. WHAT?! I, a meek, quiet, would rather not say anything than say the wrong thing, (arguably) a generally nice person, had disrespected her?! Twice?! That was shock #2!

I asked how I had disrespected her. She told me the first was when I didn’t have an assignment that was due. If you read that blog (link here), you’ll know that that week I had my clinical case study, a clinical rotation, and had barely slept or ate. It was a horrible week. I could have turned in both assignments half done, but I made a choice and decided to focus on the case study that I had to present to the director and my fellow nine interns. So, I didn’t have the grant proposal to turn in that day.

The director had a strong suspicion that I wouldn’t have it, maybe that’s why she went around the room asking each intern to hold up their grant proposal and asking them if they had it. When it was my turn, I simply replied no. I wasn’t about to beg or make excuses, especially not in front of all the other interns. That was apparently disrespect #1. She said she took it as if I was challenging her authority by not turning in something she had assigned with the way I answered.

Disrespect #2

The second disrespect was when I didn’t know the right answer. This was a month or so after the first incident when another intern was presenting her case study. After her presentation, the director asked the audience of us interns a question. Something about the adverse effects of iron and patients with constipation. I’ll spoil it for you and tell you that the reason iron supplements aren’t recommended to patients with constipation is that iron can cause constipation, so that’d just make the original problem worse. Well, I didn’t know that at the time, so when the director got tired of waiting for someone to answer, she singled me out to answer the question. I did not know the answer. Also, before I used to use critical thinking and apply what I already knew to make educated guesses when I didn’t know something for sure. However, a preceptor had beaten that out of me.

She was my first clinical preceptor. Remember the last month, back in September when I stopped writing for this blog? It was that rotation that completely discouraged me about my chosen career. That preceptor told Gia that she and I had to stop guessing. That’s how she called it. So, I stopped thinking critically. By the time the director asked me that question about iron, I was so defeated and tired and done that I just said, “I don’t know.” That was disrespect #2.

Closing Remarks

The last memorable comment the director made was about my reaction when I found out I’d failed my case study. That case study I just told y’all I suffered for and didn’t even turn in my grant proposal because I was so focused on working on it? Yep, that’s the one. I presented in front of my nine peers and the director having slept maybe three hours in the past two days only to fail it. When I found out, I didn’t say a thing. I just got the information about what would happen (that I’d have to do another case study and present again) and said nothing. Gia cried. (She also failed hers.) When the director told me I did not have a normal reaction to failing my case study, I wanted to shout “What was I supposed to do? CRY? Like Gia?!”.

Gosh. Even just thinking about this again is getting me fired up. At the moment I felt ambushed. Here I was called into an unforeseen meeting with the director of my internship program and my internship partner being told that my depressive tendencies are dragging my partner down and that I need to learn how to manage that for her sake (not even for my sake!) Gosh. I need a break. I am too angry to write about this.

Alright, so it’s the next day and I see that this post is already over two pages long. You know what that means! SUSPENSE! I’m going to make this a two-part post. If you think this meeting is the exciting part of the week, you aren’t wrong, but something else happens that matches it in drama. Plus… the meeting isn’t over.