Month: March 2019

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Social Anxiety – Personal Poetry Collection

Posted on by Lizzie Gomez

I wrote this during the last nutrition conference I went to. I felt incredibly awkward and disconnected with the room of dietitians. My fellow interns were socializing and networking with dietitians they’d gone to rotations with while I avoided everyone. It was just me stuck in my head. Instead of socializing, I wrote this.

March 22, 2019

Social Anxiety

The taste of mint

making me sick

It makes me tick

having to pick

yet still getting a kick.

 

Color a bluish tint

I begin to sink.

down I go, plink

thinking I was mink

when I’m not even in the rink.

 

No longer a hint

goes down like buttermilk

thick but smooth like silk

My truth, myself I bilk

as do my ilk

 

Even so, alone I tilt

and quietly I wilt.

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My Experience with Self Harm (Don’t Worry, I’m a Wimp)

Posted on by Lizzie Gomez

It Started Again with a Zit

I had this monstrous zit, almost on the tip of my nose, this past week. I’m talking massive, like the size of a reasonable thumbtack. A zit that my roommate kept bugging me to pop. I have a bit of a problem with picking, so I’d been restraining myself from doing that. Plus, I know every time I’ve popped a zit in my life, it’s gotten worse and taken longer to heal than when I’ve left it alone and let it go away on its own.

He kept bugging me about it. I popped it while he was asleep. Pus oozed out. Then blood. A lot of blood. I felt there had to be more pus. Why was there so much blood? I wanted all of it out. Like when I pick at an ingrown hair with a needle until I manage to get it out. I needed all the pus out of this enormous zit. So, I told myself not to, but I got out my pack of needles. And I start stabbing holes into this blemish then squeezing out more blood.

Eventually, some clear liquid comes out, but it’s still mostly blood. I keep picking with the needle, going around this slow forming blood clot and squeezing until only the tiniest drop of clear liquid is struggling to come out. It was oddly satisfying to pick at my face with the needle. Sometimes it hurt, but at the tip of this zit I couldn’t feel anything and managed to essentially pierce from one side of the zit to the other. I pulled up, but the skin I’d pierced was too thick to rip apart. I was slightly paranoid my roommate would wake up and find me with a needle to my nose, and the two bloody tissues smeared with blots of blood. He was sleeping naught two feet away from me, but he didn’t wake.

I’d Wanted to Cut, At First, but I’m More of a Picker

I’ve always thought myself a pansy for not being brave enough to cut myself. The two times I’ve tried it, I couldn’t commit. I was too scared. But, I like seeing the blood when I’ve picked at ingrown hairs on my legs in the past. Now this with my nose. I had another instance where I got something stuck in the palm of my hand. I think I fell on the sidewalk or something which pushed some rock or metal into the palm of my hand.

Thing was, there was this diminutive, pathetic bit of something lodged in my palm and I was extremely stressed with the stuff in my life. This was last fall, by the way. So, it was my first semester of my nutrition internship.  That was awful. One day, my roommate, seeing how stressed out of my mind I was, asked if he could do anything to help and what did I want? I wanted to borrow his thin, precise tweezers to get this stupid thing out of my palm. I did manage to get it out. Or I thought I did.

A few days later I went in again, with his tweezers (and then my needle when that didn’t work) to get some black stuff out of the same spot where I swore I’d already taken out the foreign object. Looking back, I’m almost certain that second thing I agonized about, and near surgically removed with my needle, was a blood clot. It just bothered me so much. I didn’t want a marred palm! Especially from something as stupid as falling! It was deep. I thought I might be giving myself a scar with how far I drove that needle into my skin. But I couldn’t stop.

I needed the stuff out of my hand! At one point it did hurt, but I needed it out. My vision was laser focused on that one point in my palm and everything else was blurry. The world didn’t seem real when I turned away from my hand after the job was done. It felt… amazing. Satisfying. I get that way when picking at my legs. I’ve never picked without a purpose. Ingrown hair, thing jammed into my hand or, now, giant zit on my face. But… it worries me that I’ve found a way to make myself bleed that doesn’t scare me.

 

“We all do things”

I’ve been tempted by self harm for years, but like I said, I’m too much of a scardy cat for that. Also, I don’t like the concept of scars. I don’t want to be reminded of how much I hate myself everytime I look at my skin. I don’t like marks or imperfections on my skin, as you guys can probably tell from the hand picking story. So, cutting just never added up for me.

But, as a character in my favorite book, Cut by Patricia McCormick, says, “we all do things”.  Yes, we all find a way to cope with our miserable existence. Some people cut, some people drink, some people work even harder.  I binge eat, sing, and recently, sleep. As calming as picking is, I don’t want it to become a thing. It doesn’t bother me, but I know it’s understandably gruesome. I don’t know what I’m saying anymore. I just wanted to vent about having a big zit on my nose. And it turned into a whole post. Gosh. I suck.

 

Note:

Wow. Okay. It’s a day later, but it feels like much more than that. Sorry if that upset anyone. I am not promoting self harm, just sharing my not so disapproving personal experiences on the topic. I understand self harm isn’t ideal or a good coping strategy. I’m very stressed at the moment and find it hard to make sense. I’m not taking the post down, because it’s more of my story as jumbled and nonsensical as it was written. Also, I’m having a really hard time writing for this blog and a post is a post. Yeahh, sorry again.

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I Wasn’t Always Mute – Personal Poetry Collection

Posted on by Lizzie Gomez

I wrote this as I waited to be reprimanded by the director of my nutrition internship. This whole internship/education thing seemed useless. I felt jaded and incredibly small. I felt dispensable and like a cog in the horribly flawed machine of life. Helpless. That’s how I felt.

October 26, 2018

I Wasn’t Always Mute

My life choices have brought me here,

dreams and hopes so shimmery sheer.

 

Nothing makes sense.

My jaw is tense.

I’m on the fence.

 

Why am I here?

I wanted adventure, excitement.

Now I just repent

that I let myself be sent,

let myself be bent.

Don’t know if I broke…

 

If so, this is a joke!

I’m just some ruined bloke.

Who fought and spit,

but never spoke.

 

That’s all I’ve become:

a spoke.

Instead of a speak.

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Week of March 11th 2019- Cardiovascular Hospital (Thoughts on Organ Transplants and Bingeing)

Posted on by Lizzie Gomez

Man, keeping up with this blog is getting difficult. :< Here’s a recap of the week.

 

Monday, March 11th- First Day at the Cardiovascular Hospital

I was about 10 minutes late to my first day at the cardiovascular hospital. I never liked my clinical rotations. Working at a hospital is boring and depressing. People are sick/dying and most of them don’t care for a dietitian’s help. Most of them just ended up asking where I’m from because of my accent. It’s like, FOCUS! Geez! You are in a hospital. Let me help you! Gosh.

At this hospital since it’s specialized in heart diseases it was a bit easier. Pretty much every diet was low sodium and it was a lot easier to talk to people. Not a bad day.

 

Tuesday, March 12th- Different Dietitian’s Processes

The dietitian the previous day was very boom, boom, boom, trying to get through her patient list quickly. It’s crazy. They can get up to 30 new patients in a day and are responsible for evaluating all of them. Before this hospital I’d evaluated no more than 4 patients in a day. Here we did about 6 each just before noon. It was crazy but cool.

The second dietitian (the one that would evaluate Gia and I) was a bit different. She was fast, but took it a bit more calm. She’d take about 75% of the patients and give me the other 25% so that we’d finish at the same time and would then chat with me. It’s so weird. The clinical preceptors I’d had were not at all personable. Or maybe I wasn’t as open to it back then. Maybe! HA! I know I wasn’t.

 

Wednesday, March 13th- A Word on Organ Transplants

I saw more patients today. Blah. So I’ll tell y’all one more thing about yesterday. I got to see an outpatient evaluation at the heart transplant clinic. It was interesting to see. Apparently in Puerto Rico, people have to get evaluated in several areas before being put on a transplant list. This includes medical, psychological, nutrition, and social work check ups. I know the U.S. requires something similar, but I don’t know exactly how that goes. It’s unfortunate to get hung up in the process, but I think it’s important because it’s only more suffering and, I daresay a waste, to grant someone a transplant who can’t maintain/ benefit from it.

It’s harsh, but if a person gets a transplant but doesn’t have the physical capacity to heal from the surgery (medical), can’t afford to pay for the necessary medications to maintain it (social work), doesn’t stick to a healthy diet to keep the organ functioning properly (nutrition), or commits suicide (psychology), the transplant wasn’t worth it and the organ should have gone to someone who would have been able to maintain it. It’s tough, but true.

 

Thursday, March 14th- Free Day, Yay? Try not to Binge, Guys. It’s No Fun.

No rotation today! There was a meeting or something, so we didn’t have to come in. Haa… that was kind of awful. I’m so un-self motivated. I spent the whole day pacing my apartment and cooking. Which, of course, meant eating. Sometimes when I’m stressed I just want to eat. It helps distract me from whatever it is I’m stressing about. And, as an added boost, it punishes me afterward.

When I’m feeling particularly down I’ll eat until I feel like throwing up. I really hate throwing up, so I just have to sit with the uncomfortably full feeling until it passes. If the stress is bad enough, I’ll still feel the urge to keep eating. So I’ll be on the brink of throwing up and still eating. The suffering will feel right. Like I deserve to feel bad on top of all the stress. It’s messed up.

So I ate all day then ordered pizza and wings to eat late at night. My roommate got a job and is thus not in the apartment a lot so… now I have the liberty to do this stupid stuff again. Ugh. Gosh.

 

Friday, March 15th- Last Day at the Cardiovascular Hospital

Today I got to meet a couple of nursing students who came to the dietitian I was with to learn about the basics of a low sodium diet. It was fun. I wanted to take them by the arm and teach them everything I know. D: I want to be a professor so bad!

Ah, and since it was the last day all the rotation’s assignments were due today. I had a free day yesterday. What did I do? Wait until 1 am to start working on everything? Yes. Yes, that’s what my stupid face decided to do. -____- Gosh. So, today I took a nap as soon as I got back to my apartment. Didn’t do much before going to sleep for the night either.

 

Saturday, March 16th- Procrastinating as per usual

Still wasting my life away. That’s what I say when someone asks me what I’m doing and I’m procrastinating. Augh. Next week is the first of two weeks of my renal rotation. I’m not looking forward to it. It’s clinical and the most complex of them. Of course I woke up at a bright and early noon today. :/ Didn’t want to be awake. And I’ve been procrastinating today. Honestly, I’m just happy to have gotten this post written. I’ve had days where I can’t even motivate myself to write for my blog, so this is good.

The next two weeks are going to be incredibly trying, but I’ll try to keep up here.

 

Sunday, March 17th- Car Renal Madness

I thought the week was going to be over without any major events. HA. That couldn’t be my life. No, instead, Gia and I went to pick up our rental car for our out of town rotations to begin on Monday and were going to be charged almost double. We said, no thank you and looked for other options. We went down a street with several other car rental places and they all either said they didn’t have any more cars available for the day or they charged us more than $300 (for four days, mind you!!).

Ugh. It was a nightmare. We were supposed to pick up the car at 7pm. I didn’t get back to my apartment until 11pm. This was after getting lost on the highway for a long time, of course. It was so dark, and ugh. I’m just glad it’s over. I hope tomorrow goes much more smoothly.

 

Coming Up Next Week!

  • First week of renal rotation in a different city. Stressful!
  • Nutrition conference on Friday.
  • That’s it. That’s more than enough. I’m going to avoid as many people as possible.
  • Hope I survive.
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Should I Write About More Risqué Happenings in my Life?: A Personal Word on Explicit Topics

Posted on by Lizzie Gomez

Original Strategy: Censor Everything

My strategy since I started using social media was to be completely censored. No swear words, no inappropriate photos (pretty much no photos of myself, even) and, of course, no sexual talk. Honestly it wasn’t a problem at first since I didn’t swear, hated getting photos taken of myself, and didn’t have a romantic life, much less a sexual one. With the passing years, each of these things have become a part of my life and I’ve adapted to that. I’ve eased up on it for my blog because my blog is small and feels like my little safe corner of the internet.

However, maybe one day it won’t be so small, or maybe it will, but a future employer, family member, or acquaintance will find it which will result in unfair judgement. After all, people get to know each other slowly. It’s usually not an open manuscript like on my blog. While I do have a lot of sensitive material on here (personal stories and insecurities), I have not broached the sexuality thing.

 

Current Censorship Thoughts on Swear Words, Pictures, and Sexuality

Swear words are fine. (Until the internet forces me to censor it.) Sorry if you have a problem with that. You have been warned. I have included a couple of pictures of myself on this blog. It’s still not something I feel comfortable doing all the time, but it’s not off the table. More risqué photos, well, we’re not like that, fam. Unless I get super fit and proud of my body, there’s no reason for it to happen anyway. But sexuality…

It’s definitely a new area in my life. I thought I would need to be super fit and proud of my body for that to even be a thing, but apparently not. And there’s nothing wrong with it! I don’t want to just censor everything that happens. It’s part of my life and it’s a fun topic. UGHHH. Really. It’s my family reading this stuff that worries me more than random strangers/employers awkwardly bringing anything “inappropriate” I write up in conversation.

 

My Main Concerns: My Parents and Internet Backlash

Not even most of my family. It’s my parents. I’d hate for them to find out about something I haven’t told them. Ever since my first (also my only) boyfriend I refuse to talk about romantic or sexual topics with them, so it’d be pretty much any story within these topics. UGHHHHH. But I don’t want to live in fear of what they will think or say. I’ve lived that to an extreme most of my life. It’s why I didn’t take a chance on my first real crush. That could have been beautiful and I do regret it.

No! But what’s the limit? After all, my blog is still a brand. What type of stories do I want to be known for? I firmly believe that one should not be afraid to be completely honest. If you wouldn’t want other people to find out about something, you likely shouldn’t do it in the first place. BUT! The internet is a topsy turvy place and people are all sensitive nowadays. BUT! I’m never going to make everyone happy nor do I want to waste the time or energy to try to do that. This is my blog. This is me. I’m going to be honest.

Yet! Not everything needs to be shared. I don’t tell y’all everytime I go to the bathroom or smile at a pigeon while walking down the street. If it seems like a fun story, I’ll share it. Otherwise, what’s the point? It’s not different than any other topic. I don’t believe in unnecessary censoring. (Watch the episode in season 4 of Black Mirror titled Arkangel for a much more eloquent argument about that.)

 

 

Speaking of well worded arguments against censoring, here’s a quote from an article I read recently on the topic.

Do not write for other people, second-guessing what “they” will like. That’s a sure path to mediocrity. If you’re going to fail, fail spectacularly. Jump off the building, not the stoop.

–Johnny Shaw for Writer’s Digest “Why You Shouldn’t Censor Yourself When Writing“

 

Embracing the Potential Consequences

Welp, I won’t say I’m not scared about the potential consequences/backlash, but I’m a masochist and I believe pain and controversy is necessary to learn and grow, so I’m going to do it! I’m going to talk to you guys about sexy times! XD It’s somewhat ridiculous that I had to give myself a pep talk to feel ready to do that. X) But really, life is short. How many slutty days do I have left? No one knows! Might as well get all that out of my system and into written word. The extra entertainment factor for y’all is just a plus!

 

The Saucier Side of My Most Romantic Date with Chance

Soooo, look forward to some saucier stories??? Haha, let’s see which one I want to tell first. Ah. I know how to start. Remember that post about the most romantic date I’d ever been on (my first date with Chance)? Specifically part 2? (Link here) Yeah, well when we had our first kiss, it did turn into multiple kisses. Not a ton of tongue, but definitely making out. And Chance wasn’t just holding my waist like an old fashioned sweetheart. No, his hand slid down a bit to fondle my ass. And I let him.

When we sat on the stairs, he pulled me into his lap and we continued making out as he continued to caress my behind and eventually found the hem of my shirt. I was a bit disconcerted, but I allowed it. When his big hands found my breast (woo!) did I start breathing a little heavier. That night wasn’t just shy and sweet and intellectual and personal. It was HOT. I’m sorry for censoring that part out. It’s part of my story and it adds something to it. Maybe I’ll write a post just adding in the sexy bits I’ve been erm… avoiding up until now. Or I’ll just not avoid them from now on. Not sure yet. I have a lot of stuff going on at the moment.

If you are wondering how the whole fondling moment ended that night, well, his other hand reached to go under my shirt. Maybe he was just trying to give my other breast some love, but I freaked thinking he was trying to pull up my shirt and I put my hand over his to get him to stop. He got the message and we continued kissing for a while before separating and him suggesting we get out of the stairwell before we went any further or did something we might regret. Something along those lines.

I just hoped for a kiss on the first date, but I have to say what actually happened was a pleasant surprise. WOO! This being honest thing is going to be fun! Also maybe hurtful depending on the reaction, but no matter!!!!

 

Comment Below!

Let me know your thoughts on this topic. Do you guys think it’s okay to swear, write about sexual activity, or other explicit topics? Would you/ do you write about these things in your own personal blog?

Also, did you guys expect the stuff with Chance on our first date? Or did y’all think it just ended with a couple kisses and some cuddles? X) Again, this is going to be fun! Welp, please comment below and look forward to the next post! 😀

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Week of March 4th 2019- Non Profit for Community (Spicy Food with Chance and a Movie with Joseph)

Posted on by Lizzie Gomez

Ha…Ha…Hi, guys…. Ahhh, soo, I’m half a week late posting this, so yepppp. Here’s the highlights of last week.

Monday, March 4th– Gia Bringing Up the Past

First day back at the non-profit. Or so I thought! Apparently, the dietitian had sent an email saying we weren’t supposed to show up today. She sent it to Gia who didn’t understand it that way. So, we showed up only to be sent away with homework. :p We were responsible about our assignments though. Gia and I headed to a fast food place to work on them. That seems to be our new thing (going to fast food places to study). Recently things have started to be great with Gia. So much so that I forgot why I ever distrusted her or keep reminding myself not to get too close again. Yeah, I got a glimpse of it this morning.

We were talking about how awful last semester was. Especially in my case since we were doing clinical rotations most of the time and had dozens of assignments from the internship itself and I was living with three strong personalities that made my living situation hell. Plus, you know adapting to a new country. She said, “Yeah, well even so, I don’t pity you. After how miserable you made me.” After a pause (because I was in shock and just kept quiet) she said, “But that’s in the past.” I wanted to say if that’s in the past, then why are you still bringing it up?!

It’s not like I tried to make her miserable. I didn’t bully her or anything. I was in a bad place and that radiated off me. Yes, I said mean things but when she needed me, I was there. Until I wasn’t. Until it wasn’t worth it anymore. And that’s not what she’s upset about. Ugh! This is why I can’t get close to her. She hasn’t forgiven me for last semester, and it seems she isn’t going to anytime soon. I thought she had. Things had been better, but once again I’m the fool.

 

Tuesday, March 5th– Axyl Bringing Up the Present

Yeah, I wrote that title, but not the content. Ha, not sure what this argument was about. Axyl and I have been getting into a lot of arguments lately. This was probably more of the same. Him saying I’ve changed ever since I started dating and saying I act bitchier than usual with him and don’t talk or hang out with him like I used to. Ugh. I’ve not had a lot of dating experience. I want to enjoy that. I live with Axyl. We can talk whenever. I’ll be in Puerto Rico for only a few more months now. I want to have fun!

 

Wednesday, March 6th– Spicy Food Challenge with Chance

Right! Can’t believe this was just a week ago. So, remember Chance and I had talked about having a spicy food competition? It was supposed to be this big thing, three course meal, but ha! Not exactly what happened. The star dishes ended up being Chance’s spicy BBQ sauce that he paired with pizza rolls X) and a sweet and spicy shrimp pasta that I made. :3 If you follow my Instagram, you saw that he tagged me on his post of the pictures he took of our dishes. That shoutout was cool!

Note: Due to the whole anonymity thing I have going on in my blog (all names of people in my life are pseudo names), I will not be posting those pictures here. If I did, since Chance took them and thus they belong to him, I’d have to credit him. Which would make him not so anonymous… He tagged me, not the other way around, so that was on him. Follow my instagram @mydragonflylife.blog to check that out. End of note. 

I won the not reaching for something to drink first, but Chance definitely won the endurance part of the challenge. I did not finish my plate of food. X) I’ve been craving more spicy food since!

 

Thursday, March 7th– Alone at the Rotation and Reading in the Park

Gia got sick this day and was sent home about an hour into the rotation. So, I was stuck doing nutrition evaluations to the non-profit members. Afterwards I just needed to be alone, so I spent most of the afternoon (until it got dark) at a table outside reading Girl, Interrupted. It’s my favorite movie and I finally got the book. Completely different, but so interesting to compare. 

 

Friday, March 8th– Last Day at the Non-profit

Ah, I didn’t write anymore titles. Uhh, welp, it was the last day of at the nonprofit. I remember I spent the whole day avoiding doing patient evaluations. I filed patient information most of the day. Other people, like the social workers, would recognize Gia and I as the people who were doing nutrition evaluations the other days and would try to hand us patient folders, but I simply refused to take it. Left her holding it out in between us and I just would not reach up to take it. XD It was kind of funny. And it worked!

 

Saturday, March 9th– Procrastination

I think I just procrastinated this day.

 

Sunday, March 10th– Movie with Joseph

Procrastinated some more. In the afternoon though, I had made plans to meet up with Joseph to watch my favorite movie. Like I’ve mentioned before, Joseph (one of the guys I met on the dating app I was on) is in the movie business and he knows his stuff. I felt he’d be able to properly appreciate my favorite movie (Girl, Interrupted). We planned to watch the movie at his place, but problem was he doesn’t have a DVD player. No problem, HDMI cable to connect my laptop to his TV and I have a disc player for my laptop. Yeahhh, my laptop doesn’t have an HDMI slot. X) Oops.

You know what was also missing? A couch. X) HA! His apartment is nicely decorated, but the last thing he still needed to purchase: a couch. I found it funny that he didn’t even think to mention it while we were making the plans for this day. He mentioned it once he was practically parking the car to go inside! Kind of smooth of him, since we ended up watching a movie on his bed instead. After browsing Netflix for a bit, I chose Silver Linings Playbook. It was an okay movie. I thought it was going in a bit more realistic direction, but it ended up being a feel good movie. The night ended up being a feel good night as well. …if you know what I mean. Ha, okay, not to that extent.

Really, I’ll have the talk with myself in these coming weeks to decide how explicit I want to be on my blog. I ended up writing a whole post on it even though I meant to just write a small note on it. Looks like I have Friday’s post ready! 😀

 

Coming up Next Week! ….AKA the week this was published (ahh, sorry for posting late!)

  • My penultimate clinical rotation!! At the Cardiovascular Hospital! Spoiler, not as bad as I expected!
  • A couple dates planned with Chance.
  • Uhhhh, yep that’s it. Another not so eventful week. :p

 

 

 

 

 

 

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You are Going to Have to Figure this Out on Your Own – Personal Poetry Collection

Posted on by Lizzie Gomez

Junior year in university when my first romantic relationship was going sour, I wrote this poem reminding myself that I mustn’t rely on anyone but myself. It still rings true today.

April, 5 2017

You are Going to Have to Figure this Out on Your Own

 

On my own,

There is nothing that I own.

 

This is nothing new.

Despite my might,

since I could think, I knew

I am no more than a mite.

 

No one will hear,

or see beyond first sight.

Nothing more for me than here.

Where my words no one will cite.

 

And that is right!

Of the night,

why would one write,

instead of a knight?

 

I am a single cell.

Nothing together to sew.

Nothing to sell

and no will to sow.

 

On my own,

I mourn

there is nothing that I own,

this or any morn’.

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The Most Romantic Date I’ve Been On- My Date’s Perspective (Part 2 of 2)

Posted on by Lizzie Gomez

And we are back! I finally wrote part two of my side of this night, so here’s Chance’s side. Enjoy! 🙂 (If you have not read Part 1 of our first date click here for my perspective on it or click here for Chance’s perspective on the first half of our first date. I highly recommend starting with part one to get a gist of the story. Whoever’s perspective suits your fancy. :D) Alright, here’s Chance:

 

Waiting Out the Rain in a Parking Garage

We got to cover and there was woman waiting out the rain with us. We continued talking. Nothing specific from what I remember. Just that we both liked anime, movies, that sort of thing but we never got too specific other than the movie genres we like. We noticed some stairs and Laura decided that it would be a nice little adventure to see where they went. I thought “sure why not, seems like a romantic enough idea”. The stairs were part of a parking lot. It was big and had multiple floors. As we began exploring, Laura told me about one of her previous adventures in what seemed to be a haunted building.

Not really knowing where we were going we just kept walking and talking until we heard people having what seemed like a good time; they were screaming and yelling. There was a flight of stairs that lead to the floor above us; it was orange with green metal handles. We got to the top of the stairs. There was a gate there, closed. They closed at 7:00pm according to a sign that was hanging on the gate. The gate led directly to a restaurant pub thing. 

 

The Kiss

We had no choice but to go back and return from where we came. We started walking down the stairs. Right when we got half-way down, I stopped and asked her to stop for a moment too. Remember, this was our first date ever. We had officially met a few hours ago, but I felt like the chemistry was good and we were both having a good time. I had never done something like this. Not on a first date, but I decided that I wanted to take a chance and ask her a question. I was ready for her to say no or to simply change the subject again. I wasn’t really thinking about the result; I just went for it. There we were, standing face to face, both wet from the rain and sweaty from walking through that parking lot, in the middle of a flight of stairs. From what I could see, she was comfortable and relaxed. So, I asked her:

 

“Can I kiss you?”

 

“I thought you’d never ask.”

 

 

And like that, we had our first kiss. It went on for while. We had time and she really seemed like she enjoyed kissing me. I know I enjoyed kissing her. After a while, we got up and started walking again.

 

Final Moments

It was getting late and I had to take her home soon, but before that we got in my car and rode for a few minutes, then parked near the ocean. We got out and just talked about our sense of humor, the view, and old memories we had. We hugged and kissed and admired the beautiful view. After a while a security guard started looking at us kind of funny so we decided to leave. We went to Mcdonalds and then I took her to her apartment. Before I left we ate. It was like a little park square thing. I don’t really know what to call it, but it’s really small and has some benches, some trees, light post and what not. It’s a really comfy, relaxing little spot. When we finished eating we said goodbye and I went home.

 

It was honestly the best first date I’ve ever had. It felt like I was in a movie.

 

I hope you enjoyed Chance’s perspective of the last half of our first date. If you are interested in reading my side of things, click here. Other than that, come back on Mondays for my weekly blog where I write about my day to day life which (spoiler) includes Chance every now and again. 😀

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The Most Romantic Date I’ve Been On- Meeting Chance for the First Time (Part 2 of 2)

Posted on by Lizzie Gomez

Welcome back! At long last, I found the inspiration to do the final half of this night justice. If you haven’t read part one, I recommend you click here to read my perspective or click here to read my date’s perspective. Either way, it’d be good to read the first half (in whichever perspective you prefer) to have context into this post. Thanks for making it to part two and enjoy! 🙂

 

Waiting Out the Rain in a Parking Garage

Where were we? Oh, yes. The rain. The drops of rain slick on both our faces. Chance removing his glasses to reveal soft, kind, caring eyes. Us walking calmly and unrushed to shelter from the rain. Once we reached the end of the path leading away from the castle, it was a short walk to the nearest roof. The first space we found was tucked beside a plaza and in it was an elevator and a young woman, also waiting out the rain. We walked past her who didn’t seem to notice us as she was too busy leaning against the wall and gazing out the entrance at the drizzling rain.

There wasn’t much else in this little space. The woman at the entrance, and elevator inside to the right, and a few steps beyond that, also slightly to the right, was a set of stairs. Naturally, Chance and I settled to our left against the only wall not occupied by any objects or other person. There we came upon the topic of movies. I asked what his favorite genre was expecting to hear action or horror as most guys and friends of mine had responded before him.

 

An Anecdote on Movies of the Drama Genre

Instead he surprised me with “drama”. “Drama?! Did you say drama??” I asked trying to catch my breath. Had I heard correctly? Had he just said my favorite movie genre, the genre all my college friends had groaned about whenever I tried, unsuccessfully, to suggest a movie for us to watch and that indubitably did not get any votes when it came down to making a decision or if it did by some miraculous circumstance get chosen, it ended up being a drag in everyone’s eyes except mine which were glued to the screen through every 20 minute monologue.

“Yeah, drama is my favorite movie genre.”, he confirmed. I was beside myself! Who sent this man to me? I don’t know why this means so much to me. Maybe it’s because my friends were so against it. And my family, especially my dad. My dad would say there was too much talking and it was boring. My friends echoed these thoughts. They craved explosions and high energy scenes. I saw those things as artificial and over the top. I wanted raw and real. I wanted to learn something of the human condition through a movie, not just see pretty explosions on the screen. Maybe I thought this inquisitive thoughtfulness about humanity translated to him due to his answer. I don’t know, but I was taken by him more by the second.

After explaining that I’d never met someone who responded that dramas were their favorite movie genre and that it was my favorite movie genre as well, we wandered over to the elevator and wondered where it might lead. As we stood there, we glanced to the right there the woman remained leaning against the entrance to our little sanctuary watching thousands of droplets fall from the sky. I wondered out loud where the stairs to our left could lead to which Chance replied this was the entrance to a parking garage. I said we should explore until the rain let up and pranced over to the stairs leaving Chance a couple steps behind me trying to decide if to stop me or join me. Half a second later he was coming down the stairs with me.

 

Into the Parking Garage

As he had said, the stairs did lead to a parking garage. A huge, cavernous, underground one that turned my mind to spooky thoughts. I asked Chance, “have you ever snuck in somewhere creepy you weren’t supposed to?” He thought about this a second as we walked through aisles of cars up a slope heading to the parking garage floors above. “No, I don’t think I have.” he concluded at last. I smiled, a bit disappointed, then shared my story. Here’s the super short version: in my last year of university I snuck into an abandoned dorm on campus. A student was stabbed there several years before my exploration of it and the place was then quarantined due to asbestos. It was creepy with half the endlessly long quiet halls with most doors closed and others cracked open to reveal desolate, empty rooms. Maybe, I’ll write about that some other time.

By the end of my story we reached a green stairwell to our left. At its entrance was a sign that read, ” No access after 7pm”. Chance and I checked our watches at the same time. It was almost 9pm. Chance started to turn away from the stairs as I shrugged, smiled and asked him with raised eyebrows “Are you going to let a little sign stop you?”. I felt rebellious and alive after my recount of the abandoned dorm. He looked at me a little shocked, but not off put by my reaction to the sign and followed me up those forbidden steps.

 

The Forbidden Stairwell and the Kiss

Five or so steps up the staircase cut to the left at a right angle and continued up until reaching another 90 degree angle to the left where there stood the entrance to a sort of bar/outdoor seating area. It was beautiful, with string lights and plants weaving around the place. There were a couple of people in dark, classy uniforms and black aprons tied at their waists who seemed to be closing up for the night. The metal door at the top of the stairs was locked with heavy chains and a padlock and carried a sign that said “Closed after 7pm”. I crept down slightly to avoid being spotted by the employees and turned to smile at Chance about our mischief before motioning him, who was a couple steps below me to head back down.

We walked down slowly until Chance reached a wide, flat platform dividing the top portion of the stairs with the bottom part. Here he turned to me, still a step above him, and asked, “Can we stop for a second?” We stood on this staircase that jutted out of the parking garage looking at each other with genuine smiles as cool night air blew on us balancing out the incubating warmth we’d felt in the parking garage. A second. No more, before he asked, looking up at me on the next step,

“Can I kiss you?”

“I thought you’d never ask.”

Pause. I am not making that up for romantic effect. I actually said that. (*FACEPALM!*) I think I rolled my eyes at myself a split second before our lips met. After that, there was nothing to cringe about. It was natural. Our kiss had dept, in the best possible way (none of that tongue down an unfortunate soul’s throat stuff). Then, another tentative touch of his lips against mine to which I responded gently, but fully accepting. Our lips danced and slid slowly as he huskily said, “step down”.

I did take the final step to meet him at the platform in the middle of this hidden staircase as he grabbed hold of my waist with both of his hands and pulled me closer to him. The heat emanating from his body, not an inch away from mine, was almost as hot as the kisses we shared, coming a bit faster now. Eventually, we parted and gazed at each other with oxytocin induced bliss.

 

Final Date Components: Walking the Streets of Old San Juan, Cuddling in Front of a Guard, and a Late Dinner Picnic (kind of)

Alright. Time to be real. This post is getting long and I do not want to make a part 3 (though I very well could). So, it’s super speed recap time! We sat on a step where we kissed, cuddled, and stuff for a bit before heading back to the parking garage and then outside since by now it had stopped raining. I thought this would be the end of the night but I’d told Chance I had to leave at 11pm. Remember, this was a Tuesday night and I had work the next morning. It wasn’t 11pm yet though, so we walked around the beautiful narrow sidewalks and crossed the brick lain streets of Old San Juan holding hands or with one of Chance’s arms wrapped around my waist before he suggested getting something to eat.

I could eat and wasn’t ready to let go of his hand, so we drove to another section of Old San Juan where he planned to introduce me to something tasty (a tripleta which is basically a sub with three kinds of meat). The stand was closed though. It was after 10pm at this point, so instead he lead us over to some benches in the area. However, I did not make it to the benches before I was called by the sea that could be seen from a concrete barrier that came up to my waist. I leaned against it trying to get closer to the water when Chance came up behind me and enveloped me in warmth. We spoke about humor and held each other. I found out he has the same dark humor as I do. At some point, a guard started looking at us funny which Chance said was pure jealousy as he pulled me to him for a final kiss for our only fan.

Since most places were closed, Chance and I passed by a fast food place and then had a sort of picnic outside my apartment in a little conglomeration of benches. It was sweet. A little late night picnic, just the two of us. Maybe not the most romantic end, but it felt peaceful and right. With a final kiss at the end of our meal I bid him a good night and waited for him to drive off into the night before entering my apartment. A girl has to keep a little mystery about her. 🙂

I fell asleep with a smile thinking that the last few hours of my life felt more like a dream than anything I would experience that night.

 

I hope you enjoyed my recount of that night. If you are interested in Chance’s perspective of the last half of our first date, click here. Otherwise, thanks for stopping by! Look forward to more adventures with Chance in my weekly blogs posted every Monday. 😀