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Should I Write About More Risqué Happenings in my Life?: A Personal Word on Explicit Topics

Original Strategy: Censor Everything

My strategy since I started using social media was to be completely censored. No swear words, no inappropriate photos (pretty much no photos of myself, even) and, of course, no sexual talk. Honestly it wasn’t a problem at first since I didn’t swear, hated getting photos taken of myself, and didn’t have a romantic life, much less a sexual one. With the passing years, each of these things have become a part of my life and I’ve adapted to that. I’ve eased up on it for my blog because my blog is small and feels like my little safe corner of the internet.

However, maybe one day it won’t be so small, or maybe it will, but a future employer, family member, or acquaintance will find it which will result in unfair judgement. After all, people get to know each other slowly. It’s usually not an open manuscript like on my blog. While I do have a lot of sensitive material on here (personal stories and insecurities), I have not broached the sexuality thing.

 

Current Censorship Thoughts on Swear Words, Pictures, and Sexuality

Swear words are fine. (Until the internet forces me to censor it.) Sorry if you have a problem with that. You have been warned. I have included a couple of pictures of myself on this blog. It’s still not something I feel comfortable doing all the time, but it’s not off the table. More risqué photos, well, we’re not like that, fam. Unless I get super fit and proud of my body, there’s no reason for it to happen anyway. But sexuality…

It’s definitely a new area in my life. I thought I would need to be super fit and proud of my body for that to even be a thing, but apparently not. And there’s nothing wrong with it! I don’t want to just censor everything that happens. It’s part of my life and it’s a fun topic. UGHHH. Really. It’s my family reading this stuff that worries me more than random strangers/employers awkwardly bringing anything “inappropriate” I write up in conversation.

 

My Main Concerns: My Parents and Internet Backlash

Not even most of my family. It’s my parents. I’d hate for them to find out about something I haven’t told them. Ever since my first (also my only) boyfriend I refuse to talk about romantic or sexual topics with them, so it’d be pretty much any story within these topics. UGHHHHH. But I don’t want to live in fear of what they will think or say. I’ve lived that to an extreme most of my life. It’s why I didn’t take a chance on my first real crush. That could have been beautiful and I do regret it.

No! But what’s the limit? After all, my blog is still a brand. What type of stories do I want to be known for? I firmly believe that one should not be afraid to be completely honest. If you wouldn’t want other people to find out about something, you likely shouldn’t do it in the first place. BUT! The internet is a topsy turvy place and people are all sensitive nowadays. BUT! I’m never going to make everyone happy nor do I want to waste the time or energy to try to do that. This is my blog. This is me. I’m going to be honest.

Yet! Not everything needs to be shared. I don’t tell y’all everytime I go to the bathroom or smile at a pigeon while walking down the street. If it seems like a fun story, I’ll share it. Otherwise, what’s the point? It’s not different than any other topic. I don’t believe in unnecessary censoring. (Watch the episode in season 4 of Black Mirror titled Arkangel for a much more eloquent argument about that.)

 

 

Speaking of well worded arguments against censoring, here’s a quote from an article I read recently on the topic.

Do not write for other people, second-guessing what “they” will like. That’s a sure path to mediocrity. If you’re going to fail, fail spectacularly. Jump off the building, not the stoop.

Johnny Shaw for Writer’s Digest “Why You Shouldn’t Censor Yourself When Writing

 

Embracing the Potential Consequences

Welp, I won’t say I’m not scared about the potential consequences/backlash, but I’m a masochist and I believe pain and controversy is necessary to learn and grow, so I’m going to do it! I’m going to talk to you guys about sexy times! XD It’s somewhat ridiculous that I had to give myself a pep talk to feel ready to do that. X) But really, life is short. How many slutty days do I have left? No one knows! Might as well get all that out of my system and into written word. The extra entertainment factor for y’all is just a plus!

 

The Saucier Side of My Most Romantic Date with Chance

Soooo, look forward to some saucier stories??? Haha, let’s see which one I want to tell first. Ah. I know how to start. Remember that post about the most romantic date I’d ever been on (my first date with Chance)? Specifically part 2? (Link here) Yeah, well when we had our first kiss, it did turn into multiple kisses. Not a ton of tongue, but definitely making out. And Chance wasn’t just holding my waist like an old fashioned sweetheart. No, his hand slid down a bit to fondle my ass. And I let him.

When we sat on the stairs, he pulled me into his lap and we continued making out as he continued to caress my behind and eventually found the hem of my shirt. I was a bit disconcerted, but I allowed it. When his big hands found my breast (woo!) did I start breathing a little heavier. That night wasn’t just shy and sweet and intellectual and personal. It was HOT. I’m sorry for censoring that part out. It’s part of my story and it adds something to it. Maybe I’ll write a post just adding in the sexy bits I’ve been erm… avoiding up until now. Or I’ll just not avoid them from now on. Not sure yet. I have a lot of stuff going on at the moment.

If you are wondering how the whole fondling moment ended that night, well, his other hand reached to go under my shirt. Maybe he was just trying to give my other breast some love, but I freaked thinking he was trying to pull up my shirt and I put my hand over his to get him to stop. He got the message and we continued kissing for a while before separating and him suggesting we get out of the stairwell before we went any further or did something we might regret. Something along those lines.

I just hoped for a kiss on the first date, but I have to say what actually happened was a pleasant surprise. WOO! This being honest thing is going to be fun! Also maybe hurtful depending on the reaction, but no matter!!!!

 

Comment Below!

Let me know your thoughts on this topic. Do you guys think it’s okay to swear, write about sexual activity, or other explicit topics? Would you/ do you write about these things in your own personal blog?

Also, did you guys expect the stuff with Chance on our first date? Or did y’all think it just ended with a couple kisses and some cuddles? X) Again, this is going to be fun! Welp, please comment below and look forward to the next post! 😀

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Week of March 4th 2019- Non Profit for Community (Spicy Food with Chance and a Movie with Joseph)

Ha…Ha…Hi, guys…. Ahhh, soo, I’m half a week late posting this, so yepppp. Here’s the highlights of last week.

Monday, March 4th– Gia Bringing Up the Past

First day back at the non-profit. Or so I thought! Apparently, the dietitian had sent an email saying we weren’t supposed to show up today. She sent it to Gia who didn’t understand it that way. So, we showed up only to be sent away with homework. :p We were responsible about our assignments though. Gia and I headed to a fast food place to work on them. That seems to be our new thing (going to fast food places to study). Recently things have started to be great with Gia. So much so that I forgot why I ever distrusted her or keep reminding myself not to get too close again. Yeah, I got a glimpse of it this morning.

We were talking about how awful last semester was. Especially in my case since we were doing clinical rotations most of the time and had dozens of assignments from the internship itself and I was living with three strong personalities that made my living situation hell. Plus, you know adapting to a new country. She said, “Yeah, well even so, I don’t pity you. After how miserable you made me.” After a pause (because I was in shock and just kept quiet) she said, “But that’s in the past.” I wanted to say if that’s in the past, then why are you still bringing it up?!

It’s not like I tried to make her miserable. I didn’t bully her or anything. I was in a bad place and that radiated off me. Yes, I said mean things but when she needed me, I was there. Until I wasn’t. Until it wasn’t worth it anymore. And that’s not what she’s upset about. Ugh! This is why I can’t get close to her. She hasn’t forgiven me for last semester, and it seems she isn’t going to anytime soon. I thought she had. Things had been better, but once again I’m the fool.

 

Tuesday, March 5th– Axyl Bringing Up the Present

Yeah, I wrote that title, but not the content. Ha, not sure what this argument was about. Axyl and I have been getting into a lot of arguments lately. This was probably more of the same. Him saying I’ve changed ever since I started dating and saying I act bitchier than usual with him and don’t talk or hang out with him like I used to. Ugh. I’ve not had a lot of dating experience. I want to enjoy that. I live with Axyl. We can talk whenever. I’ll be in Puerto Rico for only a few more months now. I want to have fun!

 

Wednesday, March 6th– Spicy Food Challenge with Chance

Right! Can’t believe this was just a week ago. So, remember Chance and I had talked about having a spicy food competition? It was supposed to be this big thing, three course meal, but ha! Not exactly what happened. The star dishes ended up being Chance’s spicy BBQ sauce that he paired with pizza rolls X) and a sweet and spicy shrimp pasta that I made. :3 If you follow my Instagram, you saw that he tagged me on his post of the pictures he took of our dishes. That shoutout was cool!

Note: Due to the whole anonymity thing I have going on in my blog (all names of people in my life are pseudo names), I will not be posting those pictures here. If I did, since Chance took them and thus they belong to him, I’d have to credit him. Which would make him not so anonymous… He tagged me, not the other way around, so that was on him. Follow my instagram @mydragonflylife.blog to check that out. End of note. 

I won the not reaching for something to drink first, but Chance definitely won the endurance part of the challenge. I did not finish my plate of food. X) I’ve been craving more spicy food since!

 

Thursday, March 7th– Alone at the Rotation and Reading in the Park

Gia got sick this day and was sent home about an hour into the rotation. So, I was stuck doing nutrition evaluations to the non-profit members. Afterwards I just needed to be alone, so I spent most of the afternoon (until it got dark) at a table outside reading Girl, Interrupted. It’s my favorite movie and I finally got the book. Completely different, but so interesting to compare. 

 

Friday, March 8th– Last Day at the Non-profit

Ah, I didn’t write anymore titles. Uhh, welp, it was the last day of at the nonprofit. I remember I spent the whole day avoiding doing patient evaluations. I filed patient information most of the day. Other people, like the social workers, would recognize Gia and I as the people who were doing nutrition evaluations the other days and would try to hand us patient folders, but I simply refused to take it. Left her holding it out in between us and I just would not reach up to take it. XD It was kind of funny. And it worked!

 

Saturday, March 9th– Procrastination

I think I just procrastinated this day.

 

Sunday, March 10th– Movie with Joseph

Procrastinated some more. In the afternoon though, I had made plans to meet up with Joseph to watch my favorite movie. Like I’ve mentioned before, Joseph (one of the guys I met on the dating app I was on) is in the movie business and he knows his stuff. I felt he’d be able to properly appreciate my favorite movie (Girl, Interrupted). We planned to watch the movie at his place, but problem was he doesn’t have a DVD player. No problem, HDMI cable to connect my laptop to his TV and I have a disc player for my laptop. Yeahhh, my laptop doesn’t have an HDMI slot. X) Oops.

You know what was also missing? A couch. X) HA! His apartment is nicely decorated, but the last thing he still needed to purchase: a couch. I found it funny that he didn’t even think to mention it while we were making the plans for this day. He mentioned it once he was practically parking the car to go inside! Kind of smooth of him, since we ended up watching a movie on his bed instead. After browsing Netflix for a bit, I chose Silver Linings Playbook. It was an okay movie. I thought it was going in a bit more realistic direction, but it ended up being a feel good movie. The night ended up being a feel good night as well. …if you know what I mean. Ha, okay, not to that extent.

Really, I’ll have the talk with myself in these coming weeks to decide how explicit I want to be on my blog. I ended up writing a whole post on it even though I meant to just write a small note on it. Looks like I have Friday’s post ready! 😀

 

Coming up Next Week! ….AKA the week this was published (ahh, sorry for posting late!)

  • My penultimate clinical rotation!! At the Cardiovascular Hospital! Spoiler, not as bad as I expected!
  • A couple dates planned with Chance.
  • Uhhhh, yep that’s it. Another not so eventful week. :p