Your entire internship has beaten down on my self worth and confidence, but I got through it. The day I publish this is graduation day and the day you hand me my verification statement that allows me to put all of this behind me and makes me eligible to take the licensure exam to become a dietitian and have a stable career. I know you did everything you did in a twisted attempt to make us interns stronger, but I undoubtedly would have benefited more from a kinder approach. Thanks anyway.
I’m criticized but all your bullets ricochet
You shoot me down, but I get upI’m bulletproof nothing to lose
Fire away, fire away
Ricochet, you take your aim
Fire away, fire away
You shoot me down but I won’t fall, I am titanium…You shoot me down but I won’t fall, I am titanium
I know your life has been tough. I’m sorry you turned out this way. I don’t blame you. That’s just who you were meant to become. I hope for your sake you can come off your high horse long enough to realize your flaws (because you are not immune to them) and do something about them instead of simply loathing yourself for them or outright denying them. That is all. Sincerely, have a good life. …or at least a better one.
You screwed everybody over in this town
There ain’t nothing between you and the cold hard ground
Keep running your mouth and stretchin’ the truth
You just might find a hole in your parachute
So step off, step off
Yeah you’re getting too close to me
With all your negativity…Just keep climbing that mountain of dirty tricks
When you finally get to the topHmm step off
Thanks for being my buddy. It’s been a long winding road with you as we both have trust issues. That’s been a doozy! Yet, you’ve been my confidant and for that I thank you. Loyal till the end! Arrivederci! Hope you find a friend much better than me. You more than deserve that.
What if I’m far from home?
Oh brother, I will hear you call!
What if I lose it all?
Oh sister, I will help you out!
Oh, if the sky comes falling down, for you
There’s nothing in this world I wouldn’t do
It’s been real strange. You were the first person in the room I wanted to befriend. Not sure if it’s because you didn’t seem like the super outgoing type at first or because you and I were the only ones to bring our dads to that first orientation meeting, but I chose you and I was mistaken. How easily that friendship broke. I suppose we were friends once, yet this song reminded me of you.
Friends come and go, friends come and go
Go like the seasons
I never know, I never know what to believe in
And it’s getting old, it’s getting old
But no hard feelings
‘Cause friends come and go, friends come and go without a reason
And I, I’ve been in [Puerto Rico] for way too long
Can’t get this air inside my lungs
It feels like I’m suffocatin’ from all the lack of the realness here
–Fuck Fake Friends F.F.F. by Bebe Rexha lyrics by Taz Network
I always saw you as the odd one out- dancing on your own cloud so far away from all of the internship’s worries. I understand the positive mindset (even if you don’t believe that, I do). However, you take it to another level. You don’t see anyone or anything other than yourself, your thoughts, and your ideas. In part it’s motivating to see someone not get swayed by everyday tragedies, but otherwise it’s simply off putting or concerning. Thank you for all the motivation throughout the year. You were a sort of role model for me. If this sickly sweet tune is the one you need to soldier on, go for it. I’m going to find another beat.
I’m seeing all the angles thoughts get tangled
I start to compromise my life and my purpose
Is it all worth it? Am I gonna turn out fine?
Oh oh, you’ll turn out fine
Fine, oh oh you’ll turn out fine
But, you gotta keep your head up, oh oh
And you can let your hair down, eh eh
I know it’s hard (know it’s hard)
To remember sometimes
But, you gotta keep your head up, oh oh
And you can let your hair down, eh eh eh eh
This year has been a whirlwind with you as my internship partner. I’m not asking for you to believe me, but I honestly can’t imagine a more fun and mischievous internship with anyone else as my partner. That being said, your jealousy towards me was constant and palpable. You said it yourself once under the passion fruit vines- how you are a jealous person by nature. Please, for your sake, work on accepting what you have. Try to let go of your traumas. Be kinder to yourself so you can learn to accept yourself as you are and work on the things you would like to improve without leering at others’ mastery of them.
Be you! The majority of the time I thought you were wonderful. Don’t turn this around and snap at me and my flaws (as became a nasty habit of yours during the second semester of the internship). It’s time to part and stand on your own. Look into a mirror and focus on your reflection. Do it for yourself. Believe me, you’re awesome! 😀
Call me calloused, call me cold
You’re italic, I’m in bold
Call me cocky, watch your tone
You better love me, ’cause you’re just a cloneBy the way, you’ve been uninvited
‘Cause all you say are all the same things I didCopycat trying to cop my manner
Watch your back when you can’t watch mine
Copycat trying to cop my glamor
Why so sad, bunny, you can’t have mine?
Summary and What’s Next:
I’ve never met a group of people as insane and mentally unstable as I did during this internship. I’m glad it’s over and I hope enough of myself before this experience has survived to remind myself that the rest of humanity isn’t necessarily as unreasonable. I’ve changed so much due to this internship and I mourn much of my past self, but I have hope that my heart hasn’t hardened enough to prevent myself from loving and accepting new, deserving people in my life. It hurts to help and get slapped, but not as much as the shame of ignoring an outstretched hand.
The plan now is to begin training for a triathlon and study for the dietitian exam for the next three months. Then get a job as a dietitian and get a master’s degree. Maybe learn a language somewhere in there. I’m thinking German or American Sign Language. Limbo is scary, but we’ll see what happens. I fly back to Texas next Wednesday July 3rd! Happy summer everyone!