Writing is such an eclectic thing. You know how some people have the gift of gab? I most definitely do not have that. I do, however, have something much less useful in this world of short attention spans: the wit of writing? I guess??? I can write. On and on and on. Yet, I don’t like to. I have no direction. That’s what my fourth grade teacher said. (She was right and I’ll never forget it as long as it’s true.) And without that direction, I can go anywhere and jump from one topic to any other. In writing.
It doesn’t connect to conversations. You would think that it would because it’s my same brain and my same knowledge and thought processes, but no. A rotund no. With people, they have to say something to me first. Otherwise I won’t talk to you unless it’s absolutely necessary. Then I’ll respond to your queries. If you have no queries…. I go silent. I wasn’t always like this. In fact. I was quite the opposite. The silence used to make me nervous and I’d purposefully and awkwardly fill in all the gaps with nonsense babble. Until a friend straight up told me it wasn’t necessary and that silence was okay. I took the idea and ran.
Dammit Jane. (My sophomore year roommate. XD)
On paper (or screen too, I guess) it’s different. I can write and write and write. About something as well as nothing. I will sit and stare at the screen not feeling in the mood to write often or not wanting to make the effort to fully develop an idea that I care about. Is it strange or self absorbed to say I value my ideas that much? But I do! I don’t want to just spew trash to you guys! That’s why I find it so difficult to actually write. This that I’m doing now is easy. It’s that thing I least enjoyed analysing in English class: stream of consciousness. Writing anything and everything that comes to mind. In other words… word vomit.
That’s easy. But to take one (just one!) idea from all of the shining beams of thought shooting around my mind and tend to it, clothe it, feed it, and nurture it into a fully developed adult. Eh, I’ll settle for adolescent. That’s difficult.
So, what did we learn today? I’m a lazy piece of shit that simultaneously thinks too highly of her ideas yet too lowly of herself to formulate them into something sensible and meaningful. We also learned that, yes, I’m committed to publishing Friday Thoughts and Pasts posts again. I’m sorry. XD
Help me out for next week, will ya?
Note: Picture from Pexel’s Free Photo Library