This week was a strange one. It was sad, yet hopeful. Lonely and full of friends/family. I felt utterly misunderstood and as if I were watching a movie about my life. I’m struggling with indecision and fighting against what is holding me back from moving on with my life and beginning my career that will spearhead the next chapter. Before that though, let’s start with sadness.
Monday, Jan. 13th- Sleeping the Day Away and Helping Mom find her Classroom
I woke up at 4pm today. I think I slept at like 2 or 3am. Eh. Going back to my old ways of sleeping the morning and as much of the day away as possible. This isn’t good. I woke up to my mom’s voice asking my dad and brother where I was, since we were supposed to go to the gym together. Good thing she went on her own anyway. Today was my mom’s first day of English classes for the year and she didn’t know where her new classroom would be. So, I decided to go with her to the college to show her to her class. Plus, I needed to stop by the college bookstore myself for my piano class starting next week.
After doing those two things, I drove my mom’s little deathtrap of a car (it’s old and tough to maneuver) to the gym where I compromised and did 35 minutes on one of those stationary bikes with a seat back and seated position (very comfy) then 30 minutes on a spin bike (very painful). It wasn’t nearly as bad as the first time during the indoor triathlon about a week ago. I have to get used to it though. Those are the type of bikes I’ll have available for my next indoor triathlon in mid February. Or my own, if I am able to purchase a trainer for it by then.
After the gym, I went back to campus to pick up my mom and that was my day. Had some dinner at 10pm. That wacked out sleep schedule does wonders for meal times too. :p Yeah, I’m still sad.
Tuesday, Jan. 14th- Still Sad, Starting to get Paranoid Again, but Still went for a Run
Didn’t get up so late today. 1pm. I was in a bad mood all day. Just hearing the same question asked twice got me snappy. I don’t like being like this. I’m just sad with things I can’t talk about. I can’t even talk about the weather to my family without being interrupted every two seconds. It’s a thing. I understand though. It’s not like I really care about what they babble about incessantly. At least that’s how it felt today. Believe me, it’s been worse. Some days the first whisper of their voices sounds like glass to me. Cutting and cacophonous. Today, I scarfed down a bagel when I woke up and then went right back to bed. Alone and in the dark where it was safe.
Gosh. What a contributing member of society I’ve become. I am capable of so much, but I can’t be bothered with the sound of my brother’s voice? It’s awful. But enough self pity. Between snapping at my family here and there, I did get out of bed long enough to make it to the gym. I’ll start running outside once I can consistently (and continuously) run two miles… maybe. I’m self conscious, alright!? Geez. The world feels small and tight right now. 😦 Painfully watchful and close. I know it’s in my head. Ahhhhhhhhhhhh….hhhhhh 😦 This means I have to do something about it, right? Man. More effort.
Wednesday, Jan. 15th- Nope, nothing interesting here
SO, as usual… this is the day I stopped writing daily. Now I have to play catch up and I must say, I’m likely not going to remember much, but here goes. Ermmmmmm I did go to the gym this day. Probably didn’t do much else but watch T.V. and question life choices, as usual.
Thursday, Jan. 16th- Taking a “Break” from Training
I remember this day was a bit rainy and dreary, so against my best judgement, I decided to make this my rest day from training. It was supposed to be on Friday, but since I knew Monday was a national holiday and the gym would either be closed or be open fewer hours, I decided it would be less of a hassle to train Friday through Sunday then make Monday my day off for the next week. Although I did exactly the same empty things I always do (T.V. and maybe some piano practice) this day it felt especially refreshing. I did need a break from training.
Friday, Jan. 17th- Lazy Days and Manic Nights
Unfortunately… it snowballed and turned into much more than a day’s break. Since, I’m writing from the future, let’s just address this issue now. I did not train for the rest of the week. Friday I gave in to being sad and spent the day moping. By night time, I became very energized and began obsessively creating a new meal plan. By the time I finished it was after 7 am and I still was not sleepy. I was extremely hungry though. Think about it. I hadn’t eaten since sometime before midnight and more than a quarter of a day had passed without eating. I had a salad which tasted like the best thing I had ever had in my life at that moment, then fell asleep around 9am or so. As you can imagine, it messed up my sleep schedule for the following nights. More on that later.
Saturday, Jan. 18th- Meeting my Cousin, Sydney, for Coffee
The sleep thing would not have been a problem if my life were as empty as it usually is (i.e. no plans or responsibilities with the outside world). However, on this day I did have one thing that was very important to me. I had plans to meet with one of my cousins for coffee. It doesn’t sound like much, but as I mention every chance I get on this blog, I had been away for university/ my internship for the past five years. During that time, I was beyond terrible about staying in contact with people. In fact, I did not contribute to any relationship unless I saw the person in the flesh on a regular basis. This meant no maintaining high school friendships or even family relationships.
So when this particular cousin, let’s call her Sydney for anonymities sake, wanted to cheer me up by gifting me a coffee I suggested we meet up for a coffee instead. She agreed and thus, the plan was made. However…. since I fell asleep at 9am and this meetup was scheduled for around noon….. yeah.. I basically woke up maybe ten minutes before I had to leave. …and I quickly discovered that my dad had taken my car to work. *sigh. So, I did the only thing I could. I could write a whole post on the process of “stealing” my dad’s van, but suffice it to say that I made it to the coffee shop little less than ten minutes late.
It was so nice to catch up with her. Things are so different. We’re grown up now. Talking about jobs and nieces and nephews. Yet, I was left feeling much better and even inspired from the conversation. Oh shoot! I was supposed to send her some book recommendations! I need to do that. Eh, I think she reads my blog posts and these are my personal recommendations to you guys too.
Best and most memorable texts from my dystopian fiction class:
- Herland by Charlotte Perkins Gilman
- Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep? by Philip K. Dick
- Parable of the Sower by Octavia Butler
Thanks again for the coffee, Sydney!
Sunday, Jan. 19th- More Encouragement from Axyl and a Very Relatable Movie
I woke up to my phone ringing and then Axyl’s voice. He tends to call me randomly. How was he to know I was still asleep at half past two in the afternoon? We spoke on the phone for about an hour catching up about our careers (or in my case, lack thereof) and exercise endeavors. After our conversation I spent a few minutes answering messages from friends that I’d missed in the day that was already half gone. I don’t remember much else after that except watching T.V. with my mom and my bridesmaid dress arriving. I’d ordered it online and remember being worried if it would fit.
It was a different but similar dress to the one I had ordered, but I liked it and it fit, so I figured, why stir the pot? Looks like I have my dress for Mariah’s wedding next month. Man, I went from refusing to go to that wedding to being a bridesmaid. Someone write a sitcom about my life! ….well, I guess I’m doing the closest I’ll ever get to that. haha… anyway…
Oh my goodness! Almost Friends loved that movie! Amazing ending! I put it on just to have something playing in the background later at night. The description talked about a protagonist in his twenties who feels stuck living at home with his parents (ha, yes, relatable), but what caught my attention was the low rating. It was maybe three stars at most, but I decided to give it a chance. I am so glad I did! I completely understand why most people did not like this movie, but it made a lot of sense to me and I really enjoyed it. Especially the ending.
Here’s a link to the trailer. (That first clip in the trailer has to be my favorite scene from the entire movie!) And! Big news! It’s free on YouTube at the time that I write this! Link to the full movie here. (By free on YouTube, I mean sanctioned by YouTube, not uploaded by a random person on YouTube.) Okay, rant over!
This Week’s Triathlon Training:
- 1:05 hour stationary bike
- 15.43 miles total
- (8.13 miles in 35 minutes on comfy stationary bike; 7.3 miles in 30 minutes on spin bike [86 Avg. RPM])
- Average Pace 4:12 minutes per mile
- Average Speed 14.24 miles per hour
- 35 minute treadmill run/walk
- 2.6 miles total
- 2 miles total running
- 0.75 mile longest distance continuous run (5.2 mph)
- 0.1 miles longest and highest speed run (6 mph)
- 1:05 hour stationary bike
- 16.2 miles total
- (7.6 miles in 30 minutes on spin bike [86 Avg. RPM] then 8.6 miles in 35 minutes on comfy stationary bike)
- Average Pace 4:00 minutes per mile
- Average Speed 15 miles per hour
- Rest Day?
- No training
- No training
- No training
- 2:45 hrs
- 2:10 hr stationary bike
- 35 minutes treadmill run/walk
- No Swim
- 2:45 hrs
Yeah… more than half of this week I spent it not training. I really fell off the wagon. I’ll do better next week. Speaking of which, coming up…
- First day of piano, german, and sign language class for the spring semester!
- Job applications (yes, finally)
- Training! Last piece of my bike kit will arrive. If the trainer works I’ll finally be able to use my bike as a stationary one inside my own house and be able to sign up for the February indoor triathlon! 🙂 Exciting Stuff!
- Oh… and more sad poetry. I think I just need to get it all out of my system…
Photo from Pexel’s Free Photo Library. (Just felt appropriate since my friends and family have been helping me keep climbing this mountain of progress.)