I’m somewhat impressed with myself… I thought I hadn’t written for this blog in about two or three weeks, but it’s only been one week! 😅
Let’s talk about that big post from last week. The one about finding my home. It’s not here with my parents. I knew I would not be happy here, but I came back due to a sense of obligation and now I find myself miserable and apart from a (so far) useless dietetic license, I’m exactly where I started when I moved back in: unemployed and stagnate.
Quick side note: I did finally land a small job until I am (hopefully) chosen for a dietetic position, but the place closed due to the coronavirus two days before I was supposed to start. So, although I have been told I am going to be hired I’m stuck in the hiring process until the place opens again. So…. yep. Still unemployed.
Feeling Stifled at Home and Searching for Freedom
Yes, having (almost) a job is progress and the week I came back from Mariah’s wedding I started going out more. For the first time since coming to live with my parents, I was finally putting myself first, but despite that I feel stuck. I feel restricted. I don’t feel free. Which, I understand, there’s only a certain amount of liberty I can obtain, but I assure you this isn’t it. Even though I’ve had my moments with both of my parents that have driven me to want to move far away from them, I love them.
It hurts because I care about them, but I don’t feel like I’m doing either them or myself any favors by living in the same household. I don’t clean the house, I don’t bring home money, heck, after each subsequent situation with each of my parents I haven’t even made much conversation with them. I want to be alone. I didn’t speak my mind before. I didn’t want for almost anything. I remember asking for two things in my life: a trampoline and a game for the Wii. Otherwise, it was always whatever my parents thought best. What an idiot I’d been.