Posted in Personal Poetry Collection

Doodle Flowers – Personal Poetry Collection

Ooooh, I remember this one. It’s about someone I considered a friend who would ask for my help constantly, which I gave to her gladly, but when I needed a friend she wasn’t there for me. Instead, I would doodle flowers in my notebook to soothe my anxiety.

January 2019

Doodle Flowers

Softly they bloom

Somehow they soothe

Those little flowers

Like little sprites

 

Working their magic

Isn’t it tragic?

The need

from a friend?

 

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Note:

Photo is of the doodle flowers referred to in the poem. I remember flipping to a random page to fill with flowers just to occupy my hands and mind. I don’t remember why I was stressed or what my “friend” refused to help me through, but I remember the flowers.

Posted in Personal Poetry Collection

My Relationships – Personal Poetry Collection

Aw man… This poem makes me sad. What was I going through when I wrote it? It sounds like the opposite of my first (and only) relationship. Like, if this were the perspective of me over-correcting in a future relationship. So much, that the roles are now reversed. This is why I write a little intro paragraph to my poems. I would like to remember a bit of the why or feelings associated. I am confused but mostly saddened by this poem.

 

January 23, 2019

My Relationships

You give

I take

 

You take

I cry

 

Because in my mind’s eye

You are saying goodbye

 

As I try to buy your love

you sigh and say,

Continue reading “My Relationships – Personal Poetry Collection”

Posted in Dietetic Internship in Puerto Rico, Personal Poetry Collection

Go Home. – Personal Poetry Collection

As surprised as I am that I haven’t published this poem yet, I understand. This one came from such raw pain. I wrote it immediately after “I Wasn’t Always Mute” when I was waiting for a phone call from my dietetic internship director to scold my internship partner and me. I questioned everything in those moments. My future profession, my choice of internship, and most importantly, if my hardships would be worth it. Man… I feel the desperation simply in my handwriting. I still wonder if I made the best choice… Over a year later, I still don’t know.

 

October 26, 2018

Go Home.

I don’t want this.

Isn’t that simple?

Don’t want.

Don’t do.

 

I. am. a. fool.

Continue reading “Go Home. – Personal Poetry Collection”

Posted in Personal Poetry Collection, Texas- Living with Parents

Seeking Solitude – Personal Poetry Collection

I was listening to music and watching videos about art when I wished I had the artistic ability to draw what I felt. Something like a balloon surrounded by cacti. Or a dark room pierced by pinpricks of blinding light. Then I remembered the art of written words: poetry. So I wrote this about relaxing on a hammock and having that peace incessantly interrupted by my parents and intruding thoughts of the past ending in my current struggle of finding my home. 

 

April 8, 2020

Seeking Solitude

 

Moments imagined, savored, and soothing

I forge, however flitting and farce it seems-

‘till two tutting awkward quavering people

appear to gawk, talk, and cluck. 

 

Face away, face away

feel the wind whisper “freedom” 

and you stay and you stay

within the heart of the storm.

Silence your mind, open your shut eyes

find your way, back to reality someday.

Feel your bones and body ache, but 

fight the urge to fly.

 

Tap! At the window or the door?

No, just the windows of my soul

trepid finger positioned recklessly–

tauntingly by my cheek. 

I can’t even squeak.

Taut smile, roll over–

Bump! Triumphant, thoughtless thumps

from that rump.

 

Back inside.

Wrapped in flimsy threads

Oh, remember being told you need meds?

Remember reaching out?

Then being told only a professional could clear your doubts.

 

Sunlight.

I am not in that dark room 

there are not tears streaming down my face

there is no nasty text screaming at me.

It’s me.

It’s always been me.

 

I’m here, but should I be?

Who decides?

Doesn’t feel like me…

 

Just let me go. 

Let me frown and let me drown.

Because the air you use–

now all Co2–

turns me blue.

 

Sunlight!

Please don’t stray!

I know I have no say…

and this to them is play

just, please tell me-

Should I stay?

 

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Note:

Picture was likely taken by my cousin. You can see a 14 year old me in the bottom right.

Posted in New Year's Resolution Progress, Texas- Living with Parents

New Year’s Resolutions for 2020 – Progress as of April 3rd

March Update

 

blue tape measuring on clear glass square weighing scale
1) Weight Loss
  • Lose enough weight to be classified as overweight at a BMI of 24.9 or less (weight loss of about 30 pounds)
    • Overall: 
      • Better than January, but that’s not saying much.
      • 5 pounds down from starting weight
      • Ha… don’t even have to update the overall section for this since February -__-
    • March
      • Haven’t lost or gained weight as of March 22nd still 34.4 BMI
    • February
      • Lost weight to achieve a BMI of 34.4 (obese category I) by February 4th
      • Stayed pretty much stable the following week at a BMI of 34.5 by Feb. 10th
      • Gained a pound to a BMI of 34.7 by Feb. 17th
      • Lost that pound. Back to starting weight in February by March 2nd (BMI 34.4)
    • January
      • Gained weight to my highest BMI of 35.2 (obese category II)

 

tilt shift lens photography of five assorted vegetables
2) Get a job in my Profession
  • Get a job as a dietitian (preferably a clinical dietitian)
    • Overall: 
      • Applied to 14 dietetic positions since January
      • Rejected by 5
      • No response from 9
    • March
      • Applied to two more dietetic positions on March 25th. This time in West Texas. 
      • One hospital decided to close the dietitian position due to coronavirus. The other has not responded.
    • February
      • Applied to three PRN clinical dietitian positions (February 3rd and 4th)
      • Applied to 5 full time, 1 part time and 2 on call dietitian positions on February 25th Rejected by 2 thus far and no reply from the rest as of yet.
    • January
      • Finished new licensure requirements such as payment and continuing education planning
      • Applied to one full time clinical dietitian position

 

people in swimming pool
3) Complete a Triathlon

Continue reading “New Year’s Resolutions for 2020 – Progress as of April 3rd”