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Posted in My Life Now, Weekly Blog Posts

Week of February 3rd 2020- Applying to Jobs, Vacation from Dad and New Room

Wow! I had such a positive reaction to the new format from last week’s two week post. I’m going to try that again. I’d just been doing paragraphs because that’s just how I’ve been doing weekly posts since I started this blog, but I do like the bullet points better. It’s easier to write even if I don’t write every single day. And it’s more accomplishment oriented. Something you guys know I love. 😅 I may even go back and add photos from my Instagram stories… 🤔 I post there pretty regularly. Yeah, I think I’ll try that this week too. 🙂

 

Anyway, let’s do this!

Sunday, Feb 2nd

  • I assembled an armoire
    • Haha, I know this is from the week prior, but I’d already written the previous post before I did this on Sunday night. I thought I’d finished being productive for the week. 😬 I’m just so proud because I’d never assembled anything like this before and it looks like I did it right!

 


Monday, Feb. 3rd

  • Applied for another hospital job
    • This one is not a full time position, but it is in an area that interests me a lot, so I’d be thrilled to work at this hospital.
  • Messed up my hip
    • I felt my femur move out of place when I was laying in bed, but when I woke up it was perfectly fine again. Then I tried to get out of my chair after breakfast and I could barely hobble away to my room. It fixed itself later and this happens fairly often, but it is so annoying!

Continue reading “Week of February 3rd 2020- Applying to Jobs, Vacation from Dad and New Room”

Posted in My Life Now, New Year's Resolution Progress, Texas- Living with Parents

New Year’s Resolutions for 2020 – Progress as of February 4th

Yes, I know it’s February. Just go with me on this! I usually don’t set New Year’s Resolutions. Don’t get me wrong. It’s my favorite holiday! I love the attitude and the positive hope that surrounds the celebration of another year of life completed and the next to come.

The thing is, I am one of those people who believe it’s always time to seek self improvement. And somehow, most of the times I’ve started a lofty goal it’s been at random times during the year (I learned to paint in spring, make balloon animals in summer, and started a weight loss regime in the fall). Hardly ever have I done anything productive right at the start of a new year. I’ve actually made bigger changes after Halloween and before Thanksgiving, like the time I became vegetarian! Yep! Right before Thanksgiving. That was an interesting holiday season, haha.

Continue reading “New Year’s Resolutions for 2020 – Progress as of February 4th”

Posted in Personal Poetry Collection

The Night We Stole – Personal Poetry Collection

Or as I like to call it: The Last Poem Pining for that Boy. Like I said in my last poem. I stand with the message of my poems, but I don’t feel this way anymore. Yes, I wrote it pretty recently, but since then a last straw moment happened and it’s all I needed to let these feelings go. We can be friends because I want absolutely nothing more than that, but I’m done putting in effort to be told to back off. I’m done.

 

December 15, 2019

The Night We Stole

It was not meant to be

yet we stole that night

like a bird in flight

quick, graceful, and light

touches you gave me that might

have led to more if bite

I had dared. Or if right

had been the sight.

 

But it was not so.

And now we pay the fee.

Who was in the wrong, me?

Or was it he?

Or was it we?

I couldn’t see

blinded by my glee

I stung though a bee.

 

Now it is right we die

nothing further from foes,

we reached new lows

some might call ho-!

ho- how dare you? Oh!

I’d do it again though.

but next time I would go

on. I wouldn’t stop, no.

 

You are a good guy.

for saying good bye.

Posted in My Life Now, Texas- Living with Parents

Weeks of January 20th and 27th 2020- Work Woes, Weight Woes, and Workout Woes… Then a Reawakening.

Yeah, it happened again. I was really sad. I skipped a week and almost another of blogging. Yep. It’s going to keep happening. But I’ve decided to do a joint recap instead of try to piece together whatever that mess was. Here’s the important bits:

 

Week of January 20th 2020

 

  • I found out I’d lost a pound of weight since the week prior.
    • I hadn’t really done anything to make that happen except being more conscious of my snacking and not being excessive with that.

 

  • I applied for a job at a hospital.
    • I’ve been really mentally blocked for a long time and just can’t bring myself to move forward in my life. Now I finally have my dietetic license and can apply for jobs in my career, but my heart hasn’t been in it. I’m so tired of being rejected. (Not from jobs per se, but in general. Especially since my internship, but also in recent personal matters.) Axyl gave me the real-talk chat I needed and I mustered up the energy to apply for one job. Still waiting on word from that hospital.

 

  • I replied to a health food company. 
    • This company seemed interesting and though they reached out to me to work for them as a cashier (well below my abilities now that I am licensed) I genuinely wanted to learn more about the company and network. I decided to meet with the CEO/ founder later in the week.

 

  • I met a guitarist in my piano class. 
    • He didn’t have his book, so I offered to share mine with him. We got to talking and it seems he’s also from a different discipline like me. Because of his experience with guitar and my experience with singing, we both know the very basics of music like notes and rhythm and such, so the class went pretty slow and we spent a lot of it chit chatting.

 

  • I didn’t go to the gym most of or the whole week.
    • I can’t really tell from my bullet points from last week. I think I didn’t go a single day…

 

  • I met with the founder of the health food company. 
    • He was not like I expected. Very stereotypical. I won’t even go into detail. Let’s just say, I’m glad I’m not working for him.

 

  • I got really sad because of that meeting. Vented to a friend. Had a fallout with said friend.
    • Tears in my cereal the next day. I’m not even joking about that. : ( Axyl gave me a pep talk and I felt better. I decided to let that relationship go. At least the way I was going about it. Why put in effort to be told to back off?

 

 

Week of January 27th 2020

 

  • Found out I’d gained 5 pounds in the last week.
    • Officially obese category II (BMI 35). New highest weight I’ve ever been.
    • That’s what being very sad and giving in to emotional eating will do to ya.

 

  • Opening up more in sign language class. 
    • It’s easier now that there’s only like 10 students instead of 30 last semester. I think I surprised my professor since he and the rest the class are used to seeing me as the quiet, smart kid. That’s the way I usually present myself in most places. A lot of people don’t get to see my dark, funny side. Ha, this class won’t know what’s coming!

 

  • Getting bored in piano class. 
    • It’s very much a beginning piano class and apart from some much needed practice sight reading. It seems I know the basics. Didn’t even feel like chatting with the guitarist.

 

  • Decided to start eating healthier one step at a time instead of trying to do everything “perfectly”
    • I know how complicated nutrition can be, but I also know how simple it can be too. I decided it doesn’t matter what I think about myself or how scared I am to be skinnier. This has gotten out of hand and I can’t keep putting it off and gaining 5 more pounds every time I get knocked down by life. There’s not next week, or starting Monday, or maybe if I feel like it. It’s now. It’s starting simple and building on it. It’s slow, but steady. It’s Wednesday. I started eating healthier on a Wednesday. I decided to start with the most basic thing. I know there are more than two dozen essential vitamins and minerals, but take it one thing at a time. For it to be a lifestyle and not a diet it has to be maintainable. Start with what you know you can do and that you can do consistently. So I did.
      • Maybe I’ll write a more detailed post just about this later. Or maybe not. I’m not trying to influence anyone into following what I’m doing for a healthier lifestyle. That’s different for everyone. Maybe it will help some, maybe it will hinder others. I’ll think about it.

 

  • First aerial silks class
    • We are in pairs for the class. My partner seems very nice and super extroverted. She made the class so much fun, even though I only successfully was able to do one of about 5 moves we were taught and it was basically hanging upside down. 🙈 I wasn’t able to climb the silk or do a pull through. (My arms are dying. >.< I need to build some upper body strength!)

 

  • Went to the gym for the first time in about 2 weeks.
    • I took my brother with me before sign language class and he also did a bit of exercise. That was cool! I used the stationary bikes. Why this gym positioned the spin bikes right in the middle of all of the weight machines (read: with my butt directly in front of a couple of guys), I have no idea. It was awkward, but I still got a short bike session in before class.

 

  • Went swimming for the first time in about 3 weeks. 😬
    • I almost didn’t go because my mom and brother didn’t want to swim. (They said it was too cold and they would rather do some other form of cardio.) But, I did my swim session without them and it felt refreshingly nice to just concentrate on myself. (Usually, I keep an eye on my mom and brother because they aren’t the strongest swimmers.)

 

  • Cousin’s birthday party!
    • Cousins invited me to join them for some bowling. 🙂 It was so much fun! I hadn’t seen all of them in a very long time, but they were very welcoming. I’m so glad I was able to go. (Even though I suck at bowling, haha!)

 

Next Week:

  • Last poem about someone I’m over. Just want to post it because it was something that hurt me deeply and I felt strongly about and now I don’t. I’m all about transformation and letting go of that is definitely a positive change in my life.
  • We’ll see how maintainable this healthier lifestyle really is. It’s been 4 days and it feels great. Hopefully I can say that after a full week. Otherwise, I’ll have to tweak it and make it more manageable.
  • Will I muster up the courage to apply for more jobs? I hope so…

.

.

.

Note:

Picture is of my crappy little mountain bike that I’ve outfitted for future triathlons and indoor training. It’s not much, but it’s all I need. Such is life. I make do.

 

Posted in Thoughts and the Past

The Internet is NOT a Replacement for my Profession!

I’m sick of people judging me and my profession. There is no such thing as the food police. You ignorant   You unknowing judgmental people. Do you know how annoying it is to hear the same boring, (insulting even!) stupid joke every time I tell someone what it is I majored in?

Ignoramus:

Oh, so what are you studying?

Me (already knowing what is coming):

………..uhh…….. (trying to decide if I want to answer or change the topic of conversation)

………(deciding this person might be different. Telling myself I shouldn’t be ashamed to admit what I’m pursuing)

Nutrition….

Ignoramus:

OoOoH! DoN’t LoOk aT Me! YoU GoNnA PuT mE oN A dIeT??? UhhhHhhHhFbnZS: VBHI

(sorry, got a little frustrated there.)

Continue reading “The Internet is NOT a Replacement for my Profession!”

Posted in Personal Poetry Collection

Sweet Regret – Personal Poetry Collection

HA! A lot has happened since I wrote this. I stand with what I wrote, but good riddance!

 

December 19, 2019

Sweet Regret

I regret nothing.

not the broken heart,

not the shattered psyche,

not the betrayal.

 

I lie, but my name is not Judas.

I fight against this.

 

What I felt was real.

What we can never admit aloud

because I enjoyed it.

 

I would choose it again, but I do regret

the circumstances.

Posted in Personal Poetry Collection

Wishing You the Best, Even if that isn’t Me – Personal Poetry Collection

The last poem hurt; this one just has me numb.

 

December 12, 2019

Wishing You the Best, Even if that isn’t Me

I hope you are happy.

And if you are not,

I hope you will be.

 

I hope she makes you happy

more than I ever could.

I hope she cooks with you

like we once did.

Let her love you

more than I do.

Talk to her

as you do me.

 

I respect your choice.

I understand.

I wouldn’t have picked me either.

 

Just be happy,

and I will smile through my tears

through all my fears

for you

what I wouldn’t do.

 

 

 

Posted in My Life Now, Texas- Living with Parents

Week of January 13th 2020- Hitting the Breaks on Triathlon Training and Getting Pep Talks from Friends and Family

This week was a strange one. It was sad, yet hopeful. Lonely and full of friends/family. I felt utterly misunderstood and as if I were watching a movie about my life. I’m struggling with indecision and fighting against what is holding me back from moving on with my life and beginning my career that will spearhead the next chapter. Before that though, let’s start with sadness.

Monday, Jan. 13th- Sleeping the Day Away and Helping Mom find her Classroom

I woke up at 4pm today. I think I slept at like 2 or 3am. Eh. Going back to my old ways of sleeping the morning and as much of the day away as possible. This isn’t good. Continue reading “Week of January 13th 2020- Hitting the Breaks on Triathlon Training and Getting Pep Talks from Friends and Family”

Posted in Personal Poetry Collection

Still I Wait for You – Personal Poetry Collection

I don’t want to explain this one. Seems obvious.

 

December 12th, 2019

Still I Wait for You

Why did you let me go?

Why did you hold me

if you did not love me so?

 

Still I wait for you.

It’s up to you,

but you don’t love me.

I don’t blame you.

 

I fell for you with a word,

a touch,

a look,

and one afternoon

after countless nights

spent in mutual kindred

yearning for something more.

 

You were already lost

when I found you.

I was already high

when you first picked me up.

 

From the ground you took me,

brushed me off,

shook me down,

and spun me around.

 

You are going to ruin my life

as much as you’ve given me.

 

We are magnets

from the same pole.

I tell myself it would never work

but, even so, my heart continues to lurk.

 

My poor, tired, heart of stone

carved by your hand

and smashed by your words.

 

Soon, you’ll be gone

and I will still believe

for you she is good.

As I fight to reject

that I could have been too.

 

Why did you hold me?

and why did you let go?

if you did not love me so?

 

Still I’ll wait for you.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Note:

Inspiration for the photo: 3AM by Finding Hope (lyrics by Aminium Music)

Posted in My Life Now, Texas- Living with Parents

Week of January 6th 2020- First Official Week of Triathlon Training and Some Non-Official Translation Gigs

It is Thursday night as I begin writing this. I hadn’t planned on returning to this blog. I mean, I’m glad that I have, but it happened naturally, not as part of a New Year’s resolution or personal goal or anything of the sort. It’s probably better that way. I’m back because I want to be, not because I’m forcing myself to be.

I was going to start weekly blogging two nights ago, on Tuesday, but as I started writing I realized there were countless battles I waged with myself over the last six months in my mind, that I had to at least attempt to explain those occurrences on the surface. Here’s that attempt at a sort of update. The following night (Wednesday) I figured I may as well start fresh with the start of the New Year and make a weekly blog post of my first week of the year.

Yep… so now it’s Thursday… Let’s see what I can remember…

 

Monday, Jan. 6th- Probably Made a 10 Week Triathlon Training Plan

I technically stayed up Sunday night until early Monday morning (3am-ish) to make a training schedule, so that counts, right? Well, I already had a plan, but upon a bit more research I found it probably would not have been ideal. It was much more intense than a beginning training schedule should be. I haven’t exercised in about a month (minus the day before and the day of that indoor triathlon I’d done on Sunday). Starting from 0 to 12 hours of exercise a week probably would not have been a good way to start the season.

So, much to my dismay, this week’s plan is about 4 hours. I mean, from 0 to 4 hours that’s still a big jump, but I am antsy. I like to progress fast and am prone to getting impatient if I don’t see results in whatever it is I do. I like positive change and more than that, I like the validation or proof of it happening. But, fine… Slow and steady, that’s what they say wins the race, right? *sigh… Lessons in patience, I guess. Today was my first day I didn’t have other engagements since getting back from my trip to West Texas with my college buddies, so apart from making a family meal plan for the week and going on an hour indoor bike ride, I just relaxed and watched T.V. with my mom.

Below will be this week’s training plan, but basically it consists of 2 one hour stationary bike rides, 2 thirty minute treadmill runs/walks, and 2 thirty to forty minute indoor pool swims.

 

Tuesday, Jan. 7th- Probably Finally Paid for Dietetic State Licensure and Translated for Brother’s Doctors Appointments

Yes, I finally took a moment to read through some important emails about my new dietetic license and the accompanying fees and continuing education requirements I need to complete. I should be getting an official card with my state license to practice dietetics in Texas in the next two or three weeks. Yay!

Other than that, I got up at 6:13am. Know how I remember that? Because my dad and brother usually leave the house by 6:10am and I was so tired I’d fallen asleep after waking up for the first time at 5:45-ish am. I kid you not, we were in the car and on our way by 6:15am. I don’t even know how I got out of bed and dressed that fast…

But, it was important to me to go. Yes, it’s my brother’s appointment, but my dad does a lot to help my brother with his health and this was his 1 year check up appointment with several different doctors and disciplines after his kidney transplant. So… yes, important. And important for me to go to ease the language barrier. I know hospitals have translators, but if I’m available, why not help out?

Case in point: while doing a sonogram we found out my brother had his gallbladder removed. Neither my dad nor my brother knew (my brother was too young to remember at the time we suspect it was removed). I’m sure my dad signed the papers necessary to allow the surgery, but there was a lot going on at the time and I highly suspect when situations get critical there’s less time to get a translator and talk through every little (or not so little) procedure. I’m glad to be back so things like this aren’t as likely to happen.

 

Wednesday, Jan. 8th- Translating for Mom’s Doctor’s Appointment and Why I Care About Language so Much

Continue reading “Week of January 6th 2020- First Official Week of Triathlon Training and Some Non-Official Translation Gigs”