Wow! I had such a positive reaction to the new format from last week’s two week post. I’m going to try that again. I’d just been doing paragraphs because that’s just how I’ve been doing weekly posts since I started this blog, but I do like the bullet points better. It’s easier to write even if I don’t write every single day. And it’s more accomplishment oriented. Something you guys know I love. 😅 I may even go back and add photos from my Instagram stories… 🤔 I post there pretty regularly. Yeah, I think I’ll try that this week too. 🙂
Anyway, let’s do this!
Sunday, Feb 2nd
I assembled an armoire
Haha, I know this is from the week prior, but I’d already written the previous post before I did this on Sunday night. I thought I’d finished being productive for the week. 😬 I’m just so proud because I’d never assembled anything like this before and it looks like I did it right!
Monday, Feb. 3rd
Applied for another hospital job
This one is not a full time position, but it is in an area that interests me a lot, so I’d be thrilled to work at this hospital.
Messed up my hip
I felt my femur move out of place when I was laying in bed, but when I woke up it was perfectly fine again. Then I tried to get out of my chair after breakfast and I could barely hobble away to my room. It fixed itself later and this happens fairly often, but it is so annoying!
Yeah, it happened again. I was really sad. I skipped a week and almost another of blogging. Yep. It’s going to keep happening. But I’ve decided to do a joint recap instead of try to piece together whatever that mess was. Here’s the important bits:
Week of January 20th 2020
I found out I’d lost a pound of weight since the week prior.
I hadn’t really done anything to make that happen except being more conscious of my snacking and not being excessive with that.
I applied for a job at a hospital.
I’ve been really mentally blocked for a long time and just can’t bring myself to move forward in my life. Now I finally have my dietetic license and can apply for jobs in my career, but my heart hasn’t been in it. I’m so tired of being rejected. (Not from jobs per se, but in general. Especially since my internship, but also in recent personal matters.) Axyl gave me the real-talk chat I needed and I mustered up the energy to apply for one job. Still waiting on word from that hospital.
I replied to a health food company.
This company seemed interesting and though they reached out to me to work for them as a cashier (well below my abilities now that I am licensed) I genuinely wanted to learn more about the company and network. I decided to meet with the CEO/ founder later in the week.
I met a guitarist in my piano class.
He didn’t have his book, so I offered to share mine with him. We got to talking and it seems he’s also from a different discipline like me. Because of his experience with guitar and my experience with singing, we both know the very basics of music like notes and rhythm and such, so the class went pretty slow and we spent a lot of it chit chatting.
I didn’t go to the gym most of or the whole week.
I can’t really tell from my bullet points from last week. I think I didn’t go a single day…
I met with the founder of the health food company.
He was not like I expected. Very stereotypical. I won’t even go into detail. Let’s just say, I’m glad I’m not working for him.
I got really sad because of that meeting. Vented to a friend. Had a fallout with said friend.
Tears in my cereal the next day. I’m not even joking about that. : ( Axyl gave me a pep talk and I felt better. I decided to let that relationship go. At least the way I was going about it. Why put in effort to be told to back off?
Week of January 27th 2020
Found out I’d gained 5 pounds in the last week.
Officially obese category II (BMI 35). New highest weight I’ve ever been.
That’s what being very sad and giving in to emotional eating will do to ya.
Opening up more in sign language class.
It’s easier now that there’s only like 10 students instead of 30 last semester. I think I surprised my professor since he and the rest the class are used to seeing me as the quiet, smart kid. That’s the way I usually present myself in most places. A lot of people don’t get to see my dark, funny side. Ha, this class won’t know what’s coming!
Getting bored in piano class.
It’s very much a beginning piano class and apart from some much needed practice sight reading. It seems I know the basics. Didn’t even feel like chatting with the guitarist.
Decided to start eating healthier one step at a time instead of trying to do everything “perfectly”
I know how complicated nutrition can be, but I also know how simple it can be too. I decided it doesn’t matter what I think about myself or how scared I am to be skinnier. This has gotten out of hand and I can’t keep putting it off and gaining 5 more pounds every time I get knocked down by life. There’s not next week, or starting Monday, or maybe if I feel like it. It’s now. It’s starting simple and building on it. It’s slow, but steady. It’s Wednesday. I started eating healthier on a Wednesday. I decided to start with the most basic thing. I know there are more than two dozen essential vitamins and minerals, but take it one thing at a time. For it to be a lifestyle and not a diet it has to be maintainable. Start with what you know you can do and that you can do consistently. So I did.
Maybe I’ll write a more detailed post just about this later. Or maybe not. I’m not trying to influence anyone into following what I’m doing for a healthier lifestyle. That’s different for everyone. Maybe it will help some, maybe it will hinder others. I’ll think about it.
First aerial silks class
We are in pairs for the class. My partner seems very nice and super extroverted. She made the class so much fun, even though I only successfully was able to do one of about 5 moves we were taught and it was basically hanging upside down. 🙈 I wasn’t able to climb the silk or do a pull through. (My arms are dying. >.< I need to build some upper body strength!)
Went to the gym for the first time in about 2 weeks.
I took my brother with me before sign language class and he also did a bit of exercise. That was cool! I used the stationary bikes. Why this gym positioned the spin bikes right in the middle of all of the weight machines (read: with my butt directly in front of a couple of guys), I have no idea. It was awkward, but I still got a short bike session in before class.
Went swimming for the first time in about 3 weeks. 😬
I almost didn’t go because my mom and brother didn’t want to swim. (They said it was too cold and they would rather do some other form of cardio.) But, I did my swim session without them and it felt refreshingly nice to just concentrate on myself. (Usually, I keep an eye on my mom and brother because they aren’t the strongest swimmers.)
Cousin’s birthday party!
Cousins invited me to join them for some bowling. 🙂 It was so much fun! I hadn’t seen all of them in a very long time, but they were very welcoming. I’m so glad I was able to go. (Even though I suck at bowling, haha!)
Last poem about someone I’m over. Just want to post it because it was something that hurt me deeply and I felt strongly about and now I don’t. I’m all about transformation and letting go of that is definitely a positive change in my life.
We’ll see how maintainable this healthier lifestyle really is. It’s been 4 days and it feels great. Hopefully I can say that after a full week. Otherwise, I’ll have to tweak it and make it more manageable.
Will I muster up the courage to apply for more jobs? I hope so…
Picture is of my crappy little mountain bike that I’ve outfitted for future triathlons and indoor training. It’s not much, but it’s all I need. Such is life. I make do.
Things have been half crappy, half okay. …All in all, I like those odds.
Monday, December 30, 2019- Lazing around in West Texas
So, if you read the update I posted a few days ago, you’ll know that I planned a little vacation following my dietetic certification exam as motivation/kind of punishment depending on how that turned out. Fortunately, I passed and am now a registered dietitian. I’d spent the weekend crashing on my former university roomie’s couch in West Texas. However, Sherri had a flight to catch in order to visit family this Monday morning, so I found myself waking up in Mariah and Richard’s bed. 😬 (<- my favorite emoji, by the way)
Heyyyy guysssss…. Yeah, I took a trip to West Texas the week before this then just didn’t write about it. If I decide to write about it it’ll be a Friday Thoughts and Past post. Basically I spent time with my old college friends that I hadn’t seen in over a year (since I graduated university). I stayed with Sherri, but on Monday she had to go to work, so I went to the park with Mariah and her fiance, Richard. There were too many children to have fun on the playground, so we ended up just walking around. I got some nice pictures by laying on the grass. Haha, Mariah then picked everything out of my hair and clothes as we walked.
When Sherri got home from work, she and I played Sims before making a quick spaghetti dinner and watching a few episodes of The Office. I’d never seen the show, so I was a bit lost, but it was cool. It was nice to have some down time with Sherri as she’s usually the kind to invite me to parties and other outings, haha.
Tuesday, July 23rd- All the Alphabet Games!
Time to head back home. :< The weekend wasn’t enough to catch up with my old friends. I had the opportunity to move in with Sherri, but I told her no. 😦 I’m not as brave as I once was. I don’t want any more adventures for a while. I just want to pass my licensure exam and then worry about getting a good job and money. I also have a sense of responsibility for my family and feel I’ve been running away from them long enough. Either way, I told her no, even though I am still considering moving down there so I won’t lead her on if I decide not to. Maybe I’m just leading myself on.
Mariah drove on the way back, so I was in charge of the navigation and music! 😀 We played so many music games that the hours just flew by! Our last game was an ABC game according to artist names. To make it harder, the song titles also followed the ABC format! XD It was interesting. We pulled up to my house while listening to Puff Daddy. XD
Wednesday, July 24th- Not Feeling It
I missed swim practice on Monday since I wasn’t in town and I didn’t run or bike all weekend either, but on Tuesday I was oddly energized. Today? Nah. I was so tired and over it. But I went to swim lessons anyway. That’s a big reason why I decided to take lessons even though I already know how to swim. I am terrible at self motivation.
Thursday, July 25th- Last Day of July Swim Lessons
I still wasn’t feeling it. Didn’t run or bike either. But I went to my final swim class and took a final dive with one of my classmates. All of the ladies in the class are about 20 years or older than me, but they were nice and charismatic. I’ll miss them.
Friday, July 26th- Borrrriiinnnggg
I think I just watched The Office today. X) Yeah, I started watching it from the beginning. It’s super cringe and I almost stopped watching it because of that, but then it became tolerable, and now I’m caught up to the episodes I watched with Sherri, haha.
Saturday, July 27th- Target Run
Yep, nothing else that exciting. I’ve essentially given up on studying at this point. I figure I’ll start when I’m in Mexico and have nothing else to do. I’ve also given up on running, biking, and swimming until I get back from Mexico. I’ll exercise at home in Mexico instead.
In the evening my mom noticed we needed more dog food, so we went to get that. Our dog Misty will be watched over by one of our neighbors (my best friend Lyza’s family) and our turtle, Frankie is currently on vacation herself with Mariah. She did me the favor of taking care of her until we return to Texas. 🙂 She sends me photos periodically which make me super happy.
Sunday, July 28th- To Mexico!!!
Finally this trip! It’s the reason I’ve accepted being a lazy freeloader for the past three weeks. Didn’t want to get a job and have to explain that I needed two weeks off right off the bat for vacation! Also…yeah I am naturally lazy… Anyway! Finally! Because of the whole moving to Puerto Rico thing for a year last summer, it’s been two years since I’ve been to Mexico. I’m excited and not.
I’m excited to see my favorite aunt and her kids, but a lot has changed. Her eldest daughter is married and pregnant, no longer living at home, her son is also out of the house, and her youngest daughter is still at home, but has a child of her own. Things are very different from two years ago when the eldest had just moved out.
What I’m really wary about is going to my father’s house in Mexico. It’s usually a safe haven for me that I love coming to to forget the stress of everyday life. It’s in a tiny town far away from everything and usually it’s just me and my dad, so while my dad spends time with his brother all day I get much appreciated alone time. Not this year. This year my mom and brother are coming with us. They don’t like the little town as much as my dad and I do, so they don’t visit every year. I sound like a jerk, but I like being alone… *sigh, not this year.
*Week 1 in Mexico
*Potential cabin fever being in a little house in an even smaller town with all of my immediate family.
*Spending time with my favorite aunt and her grown up children.
*I go to a Mexican dermatologist? I guess
*The Fair is in town! How do I always make it on time for that? I don’t plan it!
P.S. The internet (first year it’s available in our little house in rural Mexico) is super spotty. It took more than an hour to just get this post published after I finished writing it. Can’t wait to go to Mexico City. X)
Monday, April 8th- Waiting for the Pain and Getting Bananas Instead
Woah! I’m being responsible and writing for my daily blog post on a daily basis instead of at the end of the week or worse yet, more than a week later…. Wrong! I mean, it is Monday, March 8th as I write this, but the only reason I’m here is because I don’t want to work on other responsibilities of mine. Woo hoo! Welp, this week I’m in a rotation with a name something along the lines of prevention of chronic diseases. Really, it’s not that big of a deal. It’s just a super work heavy rotation. Ah, and it’s individual. Gia is at the food bank while I’m here. (I was at the food bank when she was here about a month ago. I’d much rather be at the food bank since that was all manual labor and no homework, but eh, I had my time.
People complain that this is the worst rotation. That the preceptors are super rude and crush any and all self esteem you may have. As of yet, it’s not that bad. Hopefully they’re just drama kings. Yes, the guys have been the most complain-y. Maybe us girls are just more used to constant criticism to our character and self worth. …that was a super stereotypical joke. That I do not apologize for because from my experience (I am female) it rings some truth. It doesn’t matter anyway. Suffering is relative. There is no greater or lesser suffering. It’s all just suffering.
Not much for me in this rotation yet. The director of my internship gifted me about 15 bananas. That one isn’t a joke. She just asked if I wanted to make banana bread and gave me a bag full of bananas! Not a bad day…
Tuesday, April 9th- Wow. That was quick.
So, it’s bad. I spent the day in the Department of Health working on assignments again. At this point it wasn’t so much the word she said, which weren’t rude, so much as the tone she chose to say those words in. I’ve never been a very self motivated person. So I arrived on Monday with the minimum amount of work done and the next day I arrived with a bit less than the minimum. I got home and procrastinated then set to work late and didn’t sleep much. Not much sleep=even less energy.
At this point I was sure the preceptor thought I was a lazy slacker, which… eh, partially true. Her tone just reinforced my negative thoughts and this was the fateful beginning of a downhill snowball week. Gosh. I know if I thought better of myself and didn’t let my fragile self confidence snap at the ugly gaze of an uncaring stranger this week it wouldn’t have been bad. Maybe it is just me. Maybe it’s just in my head. Maybe there’s no such thing as depression. Or maybe there is, but that’s not my main problem. Maybe I’m just a “self indulgent little girl” and that’s the cause of my problems. That’s a quote from my favorite movie (Girl, Interrupted).
I don’t know what to think. The facts are these. I spent the day re-working and re-doing two powerpoint presentations I was responsible for presenting to high schoolers and middle schoolers the next day. I also turned in the radio skit I’d been slaving over the previous day. When I’m sad, stressed, self loathing, depressed, whatever you want to call it those feelings will manifest in different ways. I feel like they are inevitable. That I can’t fight them, so I don’t. But maybe I can… I don’t know. Two big ones now are that I’ll be extremely tired. I was falling asleep as I worked. Also, I hadn’t slept much, which didn’t help. Another is that I’ll work/move much slower than normal. I wonder if it is all in my head…
Wednesday, April 10th- Presentations at a High School and a Middle School
My dream is not to be a dietitian. I studied for that career path for my Bachelor’s degree and am currently in an internship to become a dietitian. But this isn’t my dream. My dream is to be a teacher. Specifically a high school teacher. When I tell people that’s my dream job they look at me like I’m crazy. They don’t understand that I want to teach high school because I feel like that’s a deciding time for people. That’s when a supportive teacher who believes in students could change lives. It’s when students are still kids in the sense that they are still growing up, but are close enough to adulthood that they don’t have to be babied. That’s the way I see it.
Under any other circumstances, I would have been stoked to present an educational topic to a library full of high schoolers. But not this day. This day I had to present a topic I didn’t even know anymore after so many revisions. I looked for so many sources and between working on this presentation and the other one and the radio outline plus my heavy feelings of self pity… well I couldn’t even explain the things on the slides well. Much less make them entertaining for an audience of blank faced Puerto Rican high schoolers. It was completely embarrassing and a waste of a morning assembly. But I was comforted by the fact that I’d likely never ever run into any of these island dwelling teens after I completed my internship and moved back to good ol’ Texas.
The dietitian supervising me gave a short presentation to make up the rest of the hour I was supposed to fill when my presentation ended too soon. For my presentation she chidingly told me to make it more engaging and take up the whole hour. This one had only been corrected once and honestly, I didn’t know it in much detail. It was about the different food groups. How was I supposed to talk about why you should eat your fruits and vegetables and stuff to middle schoolers for a whole hour?! I just nodded my head and jumped into it blind. It went a million times better than expected. The kids were interacting and (expect for the usual lulls in teenage attention spans) they paid attention. It was amazing! The first presentation broke my heart and began cracking at my dreams of being a teacher, but this presentation, it renewed my convictions.
Thursday, April 11th- Yesterday, I Spent the Afternoon in the Emergency Room (not the patient) and Today I was on the Radio.
Yes, so yesterday after the school presentations I was working on assignments at the Department of Health when the director got a call from Axyl. It was a medical issue and one that he should be in the emergency department for. The director dismissed me from the last hour of my day to go with him. If you guys have read my older weekly blogs, you’d know that most of us interns from abroad do not have family here in Puerto Rico. You would also know that Axyl had a falling out with a couple of other interns too, namely Robin and Karen. So…that left me. I’m the closest thing to family he has here and the director knows that. I met up with him then headed to an ER (emergency room) where we stayed until around midnight when they dismissed him, saying his abdominal pain wasn’t anything serious. Oh well. Good news, I guess.
At the rotation I was supposed to be on the radio in the morning and then do a supermarket tour in the afternoon. Well, I didn’t get to work on the supermarket outline of what I was going to say because other than being sad and unmotivated, I was in an ER the whole afternoon. I bumped into the dietitian I am with this week when I arrived at the Department of Health. She greeted me and asked how I was. I was visibly tired and replied “So-so, something happened.”, then proceeded to explained how I’d come to spend the previous day in the ER keeping my friend company. You know what this grown, insensitive woman’s reaction to that was? She asked me “but did you get to finish the assignments for today?”.
I’m not going to get into it here, but I know that dietitian and Axyl have bad blood. Regardless, that’s just cold. Okay, moving on. This is making me mad all over again. We went to another town to do the radio show with her and her (slightly nicer) dietitian co-worker. The radio bit was fun. It was probably the thing I was least nervous about this week and I’d be delighted to do another radio show someday (with different co-hosts, of course!). In the afternoon the heartless dietitian I’m with told me I was lucky she and her co-worker were free the next morning so that I could do the supermarket tour then. Of course, (“this is important!”, she said) I would get points off for it being late, so I’d have to do a great job tomorrow or the points wouldn’t add up and I would not be able to pass the rotation. It’s not the first time she “hinted” at my not passing the rotation, so eh, it didn’t faze me.
Friday, April 12th- Shopping Tour Disaster
As you may gather from the title of today. The tour didn’t go well. I didn’t dilly-dally. After the radio show it was as if all my self doubt was magically lifted. I didn’t feel the heavy pull of sadness and self loathing on my limbs. I felt light and able! I felt awake and up for the challenge! I read through material convinced that it’d be better if I knew the material than simply taking notes to read aloud. Seems I was wrong. But it doesn’t matter. Anyway I prepared for this, I know it would have been a disaster. I had notes for the first section. I supposedly had knowledge for the second.
I was her face. Both dietitians came, but it was my preceptor’s face that disturbed me. From the first fruit I discussed (a wretched pineapple [one cup of contains about 133% of the vitamin C you need in a day, by the way]) she had this concerned face. If it had been disgust or doubt maybe I could have pushed through, but it was concern. Like she was watching a train wreck and just couldn’t look away. It was awful. From then, I stumbled over my facts and promptly forgot what I’d studied and not written down convinced I’d remember. It felt like I was being dragged around the grocery store being poked and prodded for facts and knowledge nuggets I did not have. *sigh*
“Well, I failed this rotation.” Those were the first words I spoke to the director when I returned to the Department of Health after that pitiful supermarket tour. She told me not to worry about it, probably thinking it couldn’t have gone as bad as it did. I didn’t argue. I had had enough. I’ve been through so much criticism throughout this internship. From preceptors (dietitians that are supposed to take us under their wing and teach us, a new one each week), fellow interns, even the director of the program herself.
Preceptors have told me I have no initiative because I’m quiet. My internship partner has told me I’m a bad human being and a terrible partner. The director assured me three times in the course of 20 minutes that if I wanted to leave the program that she would understand and support my decision as if she were urging me to get out of her internship. Those things hurt, but I thrived. I proved them wrong. I’m still here. My partner has since told me I’m a good partner and thanked me for helping her in anything I can. The director has since had a change of heart after seeing my renewed spirit when I didn’t let her bully me out of her internship.
But this dietitian with her concerned face by the rack of pineapples broke me. I spent the afternoon holding back tears and gulping down the lump in my throat as I worked to finish the last few assignments for this nightmare rotation. I wonder if self confidence would have made as much of a difference as I suspect. Maybe. The mind is a powerful thing… but mine’s a weakling.
Saturday, April 13th- Brooding
Another Saturday that I spent laying in bed amongst my filth of granola bar wrappers, mounds of clean unfolded clothes and random papers piling up in the crevices.
Sunday, April 14th- Delayed Dad
My dad was supposed to arrive this afternoon. He’s coming to visit me for Easter. Why Easter? Well, we got the week off. No rotations! So I have time to show him around the island that has been my home for (almost!) the past year. However, the corrections for my assignments from hell week are due next Monday, so I have to work on that this coming week while he’s here.
Not sure how, but he missed his flight and instead of arriving around 3pm, he’d arrive at 3am on Monday. Surprise 12 hour change of plans. It’s fine because that gave me time to laze around in the morning, pick up the key to the Airbnb we’ll be staying at until Wednesday, and clean. Yes. I finally cleaned! It’d been at least a month of stressful living in the mess of my creation. But I know the mess bothers Axyl, so before leaving for the week I made sure to clean everything. I tidied my bed area, dresser, mini fridge, and desk. The only thing I didn’t do (it was 2am by this point) was wash the remainder of my dishes. I’d swing by the next day to do so.
At 2am I left for the Airbnb and waited for my dad’s taxi from the airport to arrive. When it did at 3am, I began to excitedly plan out the week’s events before falling asleep, satisfied and at peace for the first time this week.
Coming up Next Week!
Easter week off!! Hooray!! My dad is here to keep me company. 🙂 I’m so glad to have him here. I want to show him everything, but he’s getting old and can’t keep up like he used to. Let’s see where all I can take him. 😀
Working on assignment corrections from this week’s hellish rotation. Ugh.
Maybe getting volunteer hours at the food bank with my dad? Maybe? heeheehee…. I’m too lazy for my own good…
Welp, it’s Sunday as I write this. I’m struggling to write for this blog again. Good thing I never started that YouTube channel. So, here’s the recap. This week was about nutrition for athletes. I am not an athlete. Not even close, but I learned a lot this week. This was one of the nicest dietitians I’ve had the pleasure to be with during my internship. She gave us a ride every morning though she really did not have to and the way she counseled patients was refreshing.
I’ve seen a lot of clinical (hospital) dietitians “counsel” patients and it’s a completely different environment. There it’s fast and cold. There are too many patients to see in a day to spend too long with one that probably won’t even pay attention or care about what you are trying to tell them. But here… First, athletes are one of the few types of people that really care to learn from a dietitian. They listen because they know it will help them in their sport which is important to them. (Unfortunately for the rest of us non athletes the promise of preventing chronic disease and other health issues isn’t enough.)
Anyway, seeing people who were attentively listening to the dietitian gave me hope. Maybe my line of work isn’t completely useless and unwanted by society. Too soon though, this rotation was over. It was only for four days. Two of which were in Old San Juan. So, Thursday after our rotation Gia and I decided to take advantage of the location and head to the beach. We stopped by a souvenir store first since I forgot my bathing suit. There I bought a shirt two or three sizes too large to wear as a poor man’s bathing suit cover up (only my bathing suit would be my undergarments).
At one point we ended up at one of the places Chance had taken me during our first date. Naturally, I sent him pictures. He was at work, and could not join us though. When we did make it to the beach (a 35 minute walk) Gia and I laid out on the sand and enjoyed the breeze and ocean sounds long before getting in the water. Gia didn’t want to go in since it would be getting dark soon, but I went ahead of her and plunged in, holding on to my glasses for dear life. Then, I commanded her to jump in too. She couldn’t leave me now!
She took the plunge and we swam about until the sun nearly set when we bravely faced the wind on our soaked bodies. During the last twinkles of sunlight, Gia and I moved our things off the sand and onto this square concrete platform we used as a bench. Here we chatted until it was pitch dark and everyone else had left the beach. It was one of those intimate talks that just seem to happen. It was mostly intimate on my part, but that’s fine. Maybe I’ll write out my thoughts on that to you guys soon. It was about my worries about going back home after this internship. My life is going to be completely different.
Working with Fellow Interns at the Department of Health
The next day was Friday and we had to go to the Department of Health since our rotation was only four days. There, Gia and I were met by Robin and Kayla who also did not seem to have a rotation that day either. Karen was also there. Amanda, who should have been there, was nowhere to be seen. Karen firmly ignored me, but Robin and Kayla were cool. We worked on stuff at the same table and talked. At lunch Karen may have said two words not directed to me, but not disregarding me either. I think it’s completely nonsensical of her to be upset with me. If anything I should be upset with her, but I’m not getting into that topic right now.
“Surprising” Chance at Work
After this I decided to go to the grocery store. I have to give a supermarket tour next week, so I went and took a ton of pictures (and eventually video when I tired of pictures). Surprisingly no one asked what I was doing. It was super obvious I was taking pictures and video, but I was in my Department of Health uniform which may have helped avoid the questions. I picked up random things as I went and then headed to Chance’s workplace.
He’s complained about having to work Friday nights before and hasn’t been as chatty lately. He seems busy and stressed, so I had told him to do something fun for a bit that night. He said he’d watch a movie. I’d picked up some popcorn and pancakes at the store for him (he’d missed out on some pancakes the previous day). I wanted to surprise him, but when I got to the store he wasn’t at the register. Oops. I messaged him and he told me he was on his way to work. Ughhh, so cringey.
I waited awkwardly in the aisles pretending to look at things until he arrived then waited near his register for an hour or so. I really just wanted to drop off the things I’d gotten him, but it’d get busy and yeahh. Took a while.
Saturday I did nothing. Really. Not a thing. Didn’t leave my apartment once. Didn’t on Sunday either. If I don’t have to do things I don’t. Even if I do have to do things, I sometimes don’t. Gosh, it sucks. I suck? Who knows. I’m hungry. Been subsisting on soda crackers and cream cheese because I’ve been too lazy to cook this weekend. Oh, and yogurt. And mandarines. Those too. Goodness, I don’t care about myself enough.
Man, keeping up with this blog is getting difficult. :< Here’s a recap of the week.
Monday, March 11th- First Day at the Cardiovascular Hospital
I was about 10 minutes late to my first day at the cardiovascular hospital. I never liked my clinical rotations. Working at a hospital is boring and depressing. People are sick/dying and most of them don’t care for a dietitian’s help. Most of them just ended up asking where I’m from because of my accent. It’s like, FOCUS! Geez! You are in a hospital. Let me help you! Gosh.
At this hospital since it’s specialized in heart diseases it was a bit easier. Pretty much every diet was low sodium and it was a lot easier to talk to people. Not a bad day.
Tuesday, March 12th- Different Dietitian’s Processes
The dietitian the previous day was very boom, boom, boom, trying to get through her patient list quickly. It’s crazy. They can get up to 30 new patients in a day and are responsible for evaluating all of them. Before this hospital I’d evaluated no more than 4 patients in a day. Here we did about 6 each just before noon. It was crazy but cool.
The second dietitian (the one that would evaluate Gia and I) was a bit different. She was fast, but took it a bit more calm. She’d take about 75% of the patients and give me the other 25% so that we’d finish at the same time and would then chat with me. It’s so weird. The clinical preceptors I’d had were not at all personable. Or maybe I wasn’t as open to it back then. Maybe! HA! I know I wasn’t.
Wednesday, March 13th- A Word on Organ Transplants
I saw more patients today. Blah. So I’ll tell y’all one more thing about yesterday. I got to see an outpatient evaluation at the heart transplant clinic. It was interesting to see. Apparently in Puerto Rico, people have to get evaluated in several areas before being put on a transplant list. This includes medical, psychological, nutrition, and social work check ups. I know the U.S. requires something similar, but I don’t know exactly how that goes. It’s unfortunate to get hung up in the process, but I think it’s important because it’s only more suffering and, I daresay a waste, to grant someone a transplant who can’t maintain/ benefit from it.
It’s harsh, but if a person gets a transplant but doesn’t have the physical capacity to heal from the surgery (medical), can’t afford to pay for the necessary medications to maintain it (social work), doesn’t stick to a healthy diet to keep the organ functioning properly (nutrition), or commits suicide (psychology), the transplant wasn’t worth it and the organ should have gone to someone who would have been able to maintain it. It’s tough, but true.
Thursday, March 14th- Free Day, Yay? Try not to Binge, Guys. It’s No Fun.
No rotation today! There was a meeting or something, so we didn’t have to come in. Haa… that was kind of awful. I’m so un-self motivated. I spent the whole day pacing my apartment and cooking. Which, of course, meant eating. Sometimes when I’m stressed I just want to eat. It helps distract me from whatever it is I’m stressing about. And, as an added boost, it punishes me afterward.
When I’m feeling particularly down I’ll eat until I feel like throwing up. I really hate throwing up, so I just have to sit with the uncomfortably full feeling until it passes. If the stress is bad enough, I’ll still feel the urge to keep eating. So I’ll be on the brink of throwing up and still eating. The suffering will feel right. Like I deserve to feel bad on top of all the stress. It’s messed up.
So I ate all day then ordered pizza and wings to eat late at night. My roommate got a job and is thus not in the apartment a lot so… now I have the liberty to do this stupid stuff again. Ugh. Gosh.
Friday, March 15th- Last Day at the Cardiovascular Hospital
Today I got to meet a couple of nursing students who came to the dietitian I was with to learn about the basics of a low sodium diet. It was fun. I wanted to take them by the arm and teach them everything I know. D: I want to be a professor so bad!
Ah, and since it was the last day all the rotation’s assignments were due today. I had a free day yesterday. What did I do? Wait until 1 am to start working on everything? Yes. Yes, that’s what my stupid face decided to do. -____- Gosh. So, today I took a nap as soon as I got back to my apartment. Didn’t do much before going to sleep for the night either.
Saturday, March 16th- Procrastinating as per usual
Still wasting my life away. That’s what I say when someone asks me what I’m doing and I’m procrastinating. Augh. Next week is the first of two weeks of my renal rotation. I’m not looking forward to it. It’s clinical and the most complex of them. Of course I woke up at a bright and early noon today. Didn’t want to be awake. And I’ve been procrastinating today. Honestly, I’m just happy to have gotten this post written. I’ve had days where I can’t even motivate myself to write for my blog, so this is good.
The next two weeks are going to be incredibly trying, but I’ll try to keep up here.
Sunday, March 17th- Car Renal Madness
I thought the week was going to be over without any major events. HA. That couldn’t be my life. No, instead, Gia and I went to pick up our rental car for our out of town rotations to begin on Monday and were going to be charged almost double. We said, no thank you and looked for other options. We went down a street with several other car rental places and they all either said they didn’t have any more cars available for the day or they charged us more than $300 (for four days, mind you!!).
Ugh. It was a nightmare. We were supposed to pick up the car at 7pm. I didn’t get back to my apartment until 11pm. This was after getting lost on the highway for a long time, of course. It was so dark, and ugh. I’m just glad it’s over. I hope tomorrow goes much more smoothly.
Coming Up Next Week!
First week of renal rotation in a different city. Stressful!
Nutrition conference on Friday.
That’s it. That’s more than enough. I’m going to avoid as many people as possible.
Ha…Ha…Hi, guys…. Ahhh, soo, I’m half a week late posting this, so yepppp. Here’s the highlights of last week.
Monday, March 4th– Gia Bringing Up the Past
First day back at the non-profit. Or so I thought! Apparently, the dietitian had sent an email saying we weren’t supposed to show up today. She sent it to Gia who didn’t understand it that way. So, we showed up only to be sent away with homework. :p We were responsible about our assignments though. Gia and I headed to a fast food place to work on them. That seems to be our new thing (going to fast food places to study). Recently things have started to be great with Gia. So much so that I forgot why I ever distrusted her or keep reminding myself not to get too close again. Yeah, I got a glimpse of it this morning.
We were talking about how awful last semester was. Especially in my case since we were doing clinical rotations most of the time and had dozens of assignments from the internship itself and I was living with three strong personalities that made my living situation hell. Plus, you know adapting to a new country. She said, “Yeah, well even so, I don’t pity you. After how miserable you made me.” After a pause (because I was in shock and just kept quiet) she said, “But that’s in the past.” I wanted to say if that’s in the past, then why are you still bringing it up?!
It’s not like I tried to make her miserable. I didn’t bully her or anything. I was in a bad place and that radiated off me. Yes, I said mean things but when she needed me, I was there. Until I wasn’t. Until it wasn’t worth it anymore. And that’s not what she’s upset about. Ugh! This is why I can’t get close to her. She hasn’t forgiven me for last semester, and it seems she isn’t going to anytime soon. I thought she had. Things had been better, but once again I’m the fool.
Tuesday, March 5th– Axyl Bringing Up the Present
Yeah, I wrote that title, but not the content. Ha, not sure what this argument was about. Axyl and I have been getting into a lot of arguments lately. This was probably more of the same. Him saying I’ve changed ever since I started dating and saying I act bitchier than usual with him and don’t talk or hang out with him like I used to. Ugh. I’ve not had a lot of dating experience. I want to enjoy that. I live with Axyl. We can talk whenever. I’ll be in Puerto Rico for only a few more months now. I want to have fun!
Wednesday, March 6th– Spicy Food Challenge with Chance
Right! Can’t believe this was just a week ago. So, remember Chance and I had talked about having a spicy food competition? It was supposed to be this big thing, three course meal, but ha! Not exactly what happened. The star dishes ended up being Chance’s spicy BBQ sauce that he paired with pizza rolls X) and a sweet and spicy shrimp pasta that I made. :3 If you follow my Instagram, you saw that he tagged me on his post of the pictures he took of our dishes. That shoutout was cool!
Note: Due to the whole anonymity thing I have going on in my blog (all names of people in my life are pseudo names), I will not be posting those pictures here. If I did, since Chance took them and thus they belong to him, I’d have to credit him. Which would make him not so anonymous… He tagged me, not the other way around, so that was on him. Follow my instagram @mydragonflylife.blog to check that out. End of note.
I won the not reaching for something to drink first, but Chance definitely won the endurance part of the challenge. I did not finish my plate of food. X) I’ve been craving more spicy food since!
Thursday, March 7th– Alone at the Rotation and Reading in the Park
Gia got sick this day and was sent home about an hour into the rotation. So, I was stuck doing nutrition evaluations to the non-profit members. Afterwards I just needed to be alone, so I spent most of the afternoon (until it got dark) at a table outside reading Girl, Interrupted. It’s my favorite movie and I finally got the book. Completely different, but so interesting to compare.
Friday, March 8th– Last Day at the Non-profit
Ah, I didn’t write anymore titles. Uhh, welp, it was the last day of at the nonprofit. I remember I spent the whole day avoiding doing patient evaluations. I filed patient information most of the day. Other people, like the social workers, would recognize Gia and I as the people who were doing nutrition evaluations the other days and would try to hand us patient folders, but I simply refused to take it. Left her holding it out in between us and I just would not reach up to take it. XD It was kind of funny. And it worked!
Saturday, March 9th– Procrastination
I think I just procrastinated this day.
Sunday, March 10th– Movie with Joseph
Procrastinated some more. In the afternoon though, I had made plans to meet up with Joseph to watch my favorite movie. Like I’ve mentioned before, Joseph (one of the guys I met on the dating app I was on) is in the movie business and he knows his stuff. I felt he’d be able to properly appreciate my favorite movie (Girl, Interrupted). We planned to watch the movie at his place, but problem was he doesn’t have a DVD player. No problem, HDMI cable to connect my laptop to his TV and I have a disc player for my laptop. Yeahhh, my laptop doesn’t have an HDMI slot. X) Oops.
You know what was also missing? A couch. X) HA! His apartment is nicely decorated, but the last thing he still needed to purchase: a couch. I found it funny that he didn’t even think to mention it while we were making the plans for this day. He mentioned it once he was practically parking the car to go inside! Kind of smooth of him, since we ended up watching a movie on his bed instead. After browsing Netflix for a bit, I chose Silver Linings Playbook. It was an okay movie. I thought it was going in a bit more realistic direction, but it ended up being a feel good movie. The night ended up being a feel good night as well. …if you know what I mean. Ha, okay, not to that extent.
Really, I’ll have the talk with myself in these coming weeks to decide how explicit I want to be on my blog. I ended up writing a whole post on it even though I meant to just write a small note on it. Looks like I have Friday’s post ready! 😀
Coming up Next Week! ….AKA the week this was published (ahh, sorry for posting late!)
My penultimate clinical rotation!! At the Cardiovascular Hospital! Spoiler, not as bad as I expected!
A couple dates planned with Chance.
Uhhhh, yep that’s it. Another not so eventful week. :p
Monday, February 25th– Stressing about Assignments, but No Progress
Have you ever stressfully thought about working on something for hours or days, yet you …don’t? That was me this whole weekend. Friday, I gave up. I knew I was exhausted from the food bank and wasn’t going to be able to discipline myself into doing anything productive, so I didn’t even try to lie to myself. Saturday, I was so stressed thinking about the week ahead that I couldn’t focus long enough to get started. Sunday, I tried to motivate myself to work on my assignments all day, but at the end of the it gave in and accepted working on my blog for this week. I did nothing this weekend.
Today was supposed to be the first day of our Cafeteria rotation. Instead the dietitian told us she could not receive us that day, so we went to the Department of Health to get our hours for the day. I thought I’d get the assignments for the rotation done, but instead it took the whole 8 hours to finalize the case study PowerPoint and report that Gia and I have to present on Friday. I thought it was late (that we had to turn in a draft last Friday), but when I told the director that we’d leave it in the box for her she looked at us confused and told us that it was due when we presented. Well, at least that’s done. At home, I was stressed and did nothing.
Tuesday, February 26th– Slow Day at Rotation and Future Travel Stress
I woke up late. I didn’t sleep too too late, but I was exhausted. There’s a bus that goes all the way to the hospital our rotation is at, but I missed the one that would get me there on time. So, I took an Uber. These things are killing me. We don’t get paid for this internship. No housing or transport help either. This is all out of pocket and unfortunately my pockets were essentially emptied after I paid the tuition for this internship. Ugh. It was a slow day. The dietitian let us work on our assignments after seeing that we didn’t have any of them done. Oops.
Went home and splurged on fast food. Unhealthy coping, guys. Try to be stronger than I am. It was irrationally justified though. I called my dad to give him a head’s up about a rotation in three weeks where I have to travel little over an hour to get to, a two-week rotation. But wait! It’s not in three weeks. It’s in two! Ughhh. And, there’s no reasonably priced place to stay over there. They say it’s the hardest rotation of the internship and I’d rather not drive two (or three with traffic) hours a day for two weeks. But I don’t have another choice. As if I wasn’t stressed enough.
Wednesday, February 27th– Donuts and Stressing about Assignments
Donuts. That’s what got me motivated to wake up today. I made it to the bus on time and was dropped off across the street from the hospital. Beside a Krispy Kreme. Yum! The rest of the day wasn’t quite as exciting. We mostly worked on the rotation’s assignments the majority of the day though I did once go into the hospital kitchen to help portion out fruit or juice, I forget which.
At home, I dreaded working on everything that is due on Friday, but somehow got my rotation stuff for Thursday done. The real accomplishment is that I finally began working on the second of three parts of this monster investigative proposal (that I’m sure I’ve been talking for months about) due on Friday. I didn’t finish much, but starting is a great step. I’ve slept about 3 hours a night for the past three days. Yet, I’ve not done much for that proposal. Ughh. I’m scared, but Friday afternoon can’t come soon enough.
Thursday, February 28th– More Donuts and Finally Working on that Assignment
More donuts today. I know I’ll find them useful for anxiety control later tonight. Again, do NOT follow my example. It’s a very short-term fix. And I have a very short amount of time to get this proposal done. …I need to start working on some long-term fixes like not procrastinating to this level. *sigh… someday. At the rotation we helped serve milk and fruit then gave a presentation to the kitchen staff. Only thing left to do is finish that darn proposal for tomorrow and maybe practice the case study I have to present with Gia tomorrow.
After the rotation, Gia and I went to a fast food place to work on that proposal. We worked from 5pm to midnight with light bathroom breaks and a short dinner break. It was intense, but worth it. I was able to sleep about two hours before arriving at the meeting on Friday.
Friday, March 1st– Case Study Presentation at Internship Meeting
Gia and I had gone over half the presentation and none of the data. We were going into this half blind. But fortunately, it all turned out okay. Half of the interns are completing their renal rotations. Little note about that: renal is the hardest rotation of the whole internship. Not only is there a travel component of at least 30 minutes by car, but the rotation is individual and involves a ton of assignments. (This is the rotation I mentioned earlier that I will have to travel over an hour for, but that I don’t have another choice.) Ah, and it’s with real patients. So. Yes. They weren’t going to be pulled out for our dinky presentations. Gia and I presented as well as Robin and Kayla (individually). After going over some practice questions we were able to go home.
I may have watched YouTube or something chill, but there was nothing left to do today but sleep.
Saturday, March 2nd– Pigeon Photos with Chance and Arcade with Joseph
Glorious sleep! I didn’t want it to end! So, I don’t think I mentioned it, but I’d been having some sick like symptoms all week. Sneezing, snot, and now coughing. But I didn’t feel sick and couldn’t afford to anyway. Well, that’s what I woke up to. So much mucus. But I had plans! I begrudgingly showered and got dressed. I also got into another argument with Axyl. I couldn’t find my toothbrush. He got mad I didn’t ask for his help (he could have let me have a spare of his). I left without saying a word…. but had to come back because I forgot my camera. I suck at dramatic exits it seems.
I did think about not going back for my camera. Chance would just have to deal with it and we’d have to change our plans. I’m so glad I got it though. We went to Old San Juan and got something called piraguas. It’s like a snow cone and it was delicious. 😊 After that, we visited the Pigeon Park. Yes. The one Joseph had mentioned when I went on a date with him last week. …was it last week? O.o Oh my goodness! I loved it! So many pigeons!! I took countless pictures! When I broke down and bought corn to feed them a pigeon came to me and stood on my knee as she ate! :3 I was so happy! She was sooo soft! I didn’t know pigeons were soft!! Ugh!! I am coming back. X)
Last event of the day was another outing with Joseph. Geez… That sounds a little bad… I don’t remember how it turned out that I scheduled things with both guys this day, but here we are. Joseph and I went to Dave and Busters. Haha! An adult arcade essentially. It was so much fun! He beat me in most things, but it was alright. We both failed miserably at Guitar Hero! X) (I got cocky and chose hard and he did the same!) Have you guys ever done any virtual reality thing? There was this ride. It was more realistic than I expected! I mean, I was still aware of where I was, but if I wasn’t thinking about it, I could have not known! The future is frightening!! Anyway, after our fun we got the tiniest prize with our measly tickets. He got a little orange bouncy ball and I got a blue plastic chicken X)
He’d asked me if I was hungry before heading to the arcade, but I’d said no. He asked me again now to which I responded not really. X) Haha, the poor guy was hungry, so I said I could eat something though I wasn’t really hungry. We ate at the food court of the adjoining mall. Mexican food. It was a fun moment when he was suffering after a bit of salsa and I, the brave one, got a chip drowned in the salsa and just smiled and said it wasn’t spicy. Haha! You guys should have seen his face! First when I smothered the chip in salsa he looked at me like I was a mad woman, then when I said it wasn’t spicy he looked incredulous. XD It was great!
It wasn’t all fun and games though. Eventually we got on the topic of the whole dating app thing and I used that moment to clarify any doubts. I’d told Chance I was dating other people, but I hadn’t told Joseph. Maybe it wasn’t necessary, but I didn’t want to mislead him or make him think that this was something exclusive. I felt him deflate. ☹ I hate that part. When guys get all quite and hurt. I didn’t want to keep seeing him without him knowing though.
I really feel like I’m a step below being Chance’s girlfriend (he doesn’t want to put a label on it, but I feel like we are in an unofficial relationship or even just a step after friends, friends who kiss and stuff, if you will). Because of that, I don’t feel right kissing or being physically affectionate with anyone else. *sigh I had to let Joseph know where I’m at with Chance. It took a few minutes, but the conversation picked up again and we ended the night well. I gave him my number and bid him a good night.
Sunday, March 3rd– Watching Silence of the Lambs Again and Making Up with Axyl… Again
Another late awakening. Nice. This time not to snot and sneezing! Woo hoo! Since Joseph is a huge movie buff, I promised to see a movie sometime this week. I decided on Silence of the Lambs. I’d seen it before, but it’d been a while. I think books will always have the #1 spot for me, but I love the story, so it’s interesting to see all it’s adaptations. Honestly, the series mayyyyy beat the book. The one exception to my books are #1.
Axyl and I talked. We are on okay terms again. Man, that’s exhausting. I don’t like being mad with him. I live with him! If I wanted a toxic home environment I would have stayed at the apartment with Karen and Robin!
Gia and I go back to the Non-profit! For a week-long community rotation.
Chance and I have a spicy food competition! …it was one of those dumb ideas that just sort of happened. This Wednesday! We are going to cook food for the other person. It’s going to be a three-course meal. I’m thinking spicy ice cream for dessert!
Easy week. Hey! Not everything can be hectic and exciting! Your girl needs rest too!!
Monday, February 18th– First Day at the Food Bank and Cooking Salmon …kind of
I was late. Gosh! I feel like I am in a high functioning depression. Well, kind of high functioning. Because when I’m down, I’m much more tired than expected physically. Example, I slept about ten hours Saturday and Sunday, but I did not hear a single one of my alarms this morning. Not one! But luckily, Axyl awoke around 8am. It’s a holiday, so he has off. I do not, because it’s a federal holiday and the food bank does not count. So, I was supposed to be in at 8am, but the dietitian there did not respond to my phone calls or emails. Therefore, I planned to arrive at 8am and see if the place was open or not. But…. I hadn’t even woken up by then.
Axyl knew what my plan was, so when he saw me still asleep, he woke me, and I got moving. I called the food bank to at least know if it was open before making the long journey there. It was and the new volunteer coordinator told me to go ahead and come.!!! That’s why the dietitian hadn’t responded to me. She doesn’t work there anymore! Augh! So, I rushed to get ready and begrudgingly took an Uber over there. $25! Augh! I spent the day stocking the little shelves of the food bank. (A lot harder work than it sounds!)
Afterwards I found some energy to go food shopping. My backpack was already full and by the end of it I had a mega stuffed backpack and four heavy plastic bags I was praying would not rip on me. I got home twice as exhausted but showed Axyl the salmon I bought (he’s been talking about craving salmon for a couple months now) so I had to find even more energy to cook it. I guess I didn’t have enough energy because it ended up being cooked only on the outside. X) Sushi am I right?! (Axyl put it back in the pan, no worries!)
Tuesday, February 19th– Another Multi-part Date with Chance (Mall, Bars, and the Beach)
Surprise! I walk into the food bank today to find about five other workers. Yesterday there was only one. I figured it was like this all the time. But nope. And what characters too! I thought I was going crazy thinking one of the guys was hitting on me, but apparently not, because another one of the workers pulled me aside and told me to watch out for him because he would surely ask for my number. Oh goodness. I hate rejecting people, but I’m really not interested.
Speaking of romance, I had a date with Chance planned today. It was an ambitious one too. He planned to take me to the bookstore, a couple bars, and the beach. And he did! He picked me up and took me to the mall first where we’d find the bookstore, but I was ravenous. Today we were stacking and wrapping pallets full of donations for school children. This meant lifting boxes of supplements, milk, and canned goods. 40 pack supplements, 12 liters of milk, that kind of thing. It was tiring. And hungry-making.
So, Chance and I ate at the mall (he made a joke that I was forcing him to be healthy because I’m studying nutrition and tried to pick the healthiest of the fast food options available). I got on my mini soapbox about excess sodium consumption. (Even if you are healthy, most Americans consume much more sodium than recommended.) We swung by the book store, but there was a panel going on, so we didn’t go in. Then, he took me to a comic book store where he found the newest release of his favorite manga (Tokyo Ghoul). He was excited. From there we went to Old San Juan to a bar where we drank cranberry vodkas and played billiards. I started well, but he ended up winning. After stopping at one more bar, we headed to the beach.
I have no idea what beach it was, but it was beautiful. It was a windy night and the sound of the waves filled the air. Then, the sound of Chance’s grimaces did. XD He forgot his sandals and didn’t want to get his shoes filled with sand so he walked barefoot over the painful little rocks on the path. We walked around enjoying the scenery with palm trees every which way. Eventually, we made it up to this structure overlooking the ocean. It was a concrete platform that sloped down back over the path to come up it. Chance said he’d sit on the slope, if I wasn’t afraid of heights and was willing to join him. (Again, I’m not afraid of heights. I’m afraid of falling!) So, to prove him wrong, I went about 3/4ths of the way down this slope about 9 feet above the ground and sat watching the mix of blinking airplanes and steady stars. It was so peaceful with the blowing wind and sound of waves surrounding us. Just us two in a magical little world.
Wednesday, February 20th– Too Tired to Cook
This day wasn’t quite as romantic. We are still making those pallets at the food bank, so it was just a ton of manual labor. When I got home, I was so exhausted that I couldn’t bring myself to cook. Somehow, I was able to finish writing the blog about last week before falling asleep.
Thursday, February 21st– Making Brownies with Chance
Even more manual labor. Yep. I was kind of tired at this point and the workers noticed and asked me what was wrong. I wish I was in the mindset to write more about them. It’s the first rotation that I’ve been able to connect with a team of sorts. Usually it’s just me and my partner and the dietitian in charge of us. It was amazing to come into a group of people by myself especially since I feel I did become a part of them.
Date with Chance to his place to make brownies. 😀 We had another little picnic type thing at the benches outside my apartment. After that we headed to his place. It was somewhat late by then, but plans are plans. I scrambled to get a quick brownie recipe together (I don’t have a go to for that) and a few of the ingredients before heading out. Other than making the brownies, Chance let me start reading his favorite manga (Tokyo Ghoul). I got through the first part before the brownies were ready. I would like to borrow it to keep reading, but I also feel like it’s a lot of responsibility. If something were to happen to it. O.O I could not forgive myself….
In other news, the brownies were awful. XD I thought the recipe was too simple! I was looking for a recipe without baking chocolate since I didn’t have any on hand, but come on! The best brownies are made with baking chocolate! We didn’t let that ruin our night though. Several cuddles later and it was midnight. I was tempted to stay the night, but tomorrow would be my last day at the food bank and I didn’t want to be late. So, I nudged a sleepy Chance out of bed so he could drive me home. *sigh* Responsibilities, why?!
Friday, February 22nd– Last Day at the Food Bank and Visiting Chance at Work
I made it to the Food Bank on time resolved to make it a good day. I was a bit off the day before, but no more! I would make the most of this day. There was a surprise hoard of volunteers that greeted me when I arrived which made the day oddly fun. Though I’d only been at the food bank since Monday, I’d gotten the hang of the basics, so I spent the day doing what I do best: staying out of trouble and helping out on the sidelines. This meant trying to do all the odd jobs the volunteers either didn’t know to do or didn’t want to. Since we were sorting products for most of the day, this involved cutting open the plastic wrap that surrounded the stack of boxes on the pallets and then moving those boxes onto the two workstation tables where the volunteers would empty them, sort the products, and then put them on their new respective pallets.
The person in charge (Mary) warned me the boxes were heavy and not to lift them, but I insisted I could shuffle over the the table two feet away from me. I could, just barely. Soon though, my body got used to the 65 pounds and I was able to carry those boxes to the other side of the room to the second workstation. I felt so cool. At one point one of the volunteers asked for one one of the guys to come pick up a box of supplements they had filled with loose bottles of a supplement. The guy was nowhere in sight and though I feared it could hurt my back (I assumed the box must have been heavy if they were requesting help) I decided to move it myself. It was about half the weight of those big boxes I’d been carrying all morning! XD I repeat, I felt so cool. When it was time to leave for the day, I took a couple pictures with some of the food bank workers and said a brief goodbye to Mary. I really will miss this place. :<
During breaks I’d been messaging Chance and noticed a shift in mood. He’s normally a happy go lucky guy, but he’d been quieter. I asked what was wrong but he avoided the question making me think it was one of those things that are best discussed in person. I went out on a limb and asked if he’d like me to swing by his workplace and visit for a while. He said yes, so I stopped by after the food bank. Tired, dirty, and in a t-shirt, I showed up to the little grocery store Chance works at. I stood awkwardly by the register he was at. Most of the time I spent it waiting for him to not be busy then we’d smile at each other for a bit, but he stepped away a few minutes and bought me this street food called a pincho (basically meat on a skewer). He’s so sweet. feeding me even when he’s at work. He thanked me for helping him pass the time as I was leaving. I hope I did help even if only a little. 🙂
Saturday, February 23rd– Meaningless Saturday
Another Saturday wasted. Axyl and I decided on Friday nights as an evening to relax so that we could recharge and use Saturday and Sunday to work and be productive. Yeah. It’s not working for me. I am extremely avoidant of my problems. So, when I have a ton of work to do, I do nothing. It’s very counterproductive and self destructive. Realizing what I do doesn’t help me improve upon it though. *Sigh* So I did nothing today. Oh, I did irrationally stay up until 3 am though.
Sunday, February 24th– A Couple Fights with Axyl
Axyl said we’d wake up early to go do laundry, but we ended up waking at 9am. It was good though, because by the time we made it to the laundromat most of the early birds were gone and machines were available. That’s about the only productive thing I’ve done all day. Well, I did write this blog. I was so stressed yesterday just thinking about everything I have to do this coming week that I could not focus even for this. I’m just glad I made it to this point. Even though it’s not homework, it’s something and I’ll take that over anxiously playing Sims any day. (That’s what I did Saturday night.)
One last note. I got into two quarrels with Axyl this week, one on Friday night when we went out for sushi before the movie night that then did not happen and the other today (Sunday). The first was because I insinuated Axyl isn’t open to experiences or people here after he was complaining about Puerto Rico again. It was uncalled for and I’m probably just as mad at myself as he is with me about it. It was the way I said it. I took my own stress out on him and that was wrong. I said, “Well if you’re always complaining about this place and its people maybe the problem isn’t Puerto Rico, maybe the problem is you.” Gosh. What is wrong with me?
The second thing was when I was on the phone with a friend of mine asking for advice. I’m not very experienced with this whole physical contact thing. Axyl overheard and when I got off the phone asked me what my conversation had been about. I shouldn’t have told him. I didn’t have to, but I did and got the “be mindful of STDs” talk. I was upset by that. I know he cares. I appreciate that. However, that’s not the reaction I hoped for. I felt he was treating me like a naive child. Which, honestly, that’s fair. I just admitted I don’t know much about this stuff, but I know about STDs! Ugh. He just got mad that I got mad and told me he’d butt out in the future and not ask about my life anymore. That he was just worried about me and that I shouldn’t be reacting this way when he was only being realistic. -____- He says ever since I started dating Chance that I’ve changed.
I hate when people say that. YEAH. People change. People are changed by their experiences and the company they keep. That’s natural. That’s called learning from your mistakes. It’s an important part of life. Ugh. Let’s end that topic here.
Coming up next week:
Cafeteria rotation. They say it’s a tough one with a ton of assignments, but the dietitian just emailed us back and it seems like the normal amount. Except she told us she couldn’t receive us on Monday and we have an internship meeting on Friday, so a typical week is going to have to be jam packed into Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday. Joy. -____-
Food Service Case Study Presentation during the Friday internship meeting. Case study report due that day as well as that research proposal I’ve been procrastinating on since December. Can not turn it in later. Ughhhhghhhghghghhh
Maybe a study date with Chance. I’m going to be majorly stressed though, so it may not be the best idea. But when have I ever gone with good ideas in my life, ha! (….I wish that was a joke, guys).
One short somewhat sad poem to be posted next Wednesday.
I’m trying guys. I’m sorry I didn’t get around to writing part two of my first date with Chance. The plan is to write that during the weekend and have it to you guys by next Sunday. Things are going to be getting very stressful from now on and I don’t feel ready for it, but I don’t want to abandon this blog again. I’ll keep forging on.